Kind of a “WWYD” as well... will try to keep this brief but genuinely could use a sense check!
Dp’s elderly relative (not immediate family) has recently become unwell. They live a (short) plane ride away. I’ve met them a couple of times and spent a bit of time with them, like them. Dp and I been together 2 years if that’s relevant.
Dp talked about flying back to see relative as the prognosis isn’t great right now. However it was always in the sense of “I will go home”, not “we”.. “my” flights not “ours” etc, so got the impression he wanted to go solo on this occasion. We have been there together in the past though. That’s ok- I did ask him a couple of times if he wanted me to go and support, both responses along the lines of “only if it’s not a big inconvenience”, etc- fairly in the negative/non committal. I had also been thinking of booking the weekend he decided he would be going home, to go to meet up with a close family member I rarely see. He seemed ok with this. All is booked from both our sides.
However it turns out that in fact he is not happy that I was going on a weekend away that weekend, and would secretly have rather I come with him to see his relative. He has now offered to pay for a ticket for me to do so (first time he has ever paid for me to gohome with him!) But my trip is non refundable (and I was actually looking forward to it)- and I asked him why he didn’t just either ask me to come with him in the first place, or seem more keen for me to come when I twice asked him if he needed me to. He says he didn’t want to put me out, knew it would be a “ball ache” etc. I have flown there twice with him in past 12 months. It’s not like going round the corner to see your family but it’s fine, I’ve never complained.
While I know he won’t kick a huge fuss up about this, I feel like I will now seem like a dick for going on a jolly while he is visiting his sick relative. I don’t want his family to think I don’t care,and I don’t want him to think he isn’t a priority for me. But I had to confirm my trip with my family member yesterday or prices would have shot up. I thought he didn’t need me. But I am now feeling like i mishandled the situation and don’t know what to do. If I could just cancel my trip to go with him I would. But I’m not sure why it’s only now that he is so keen for me to go that he would pay for me!
Wibu to book this particular weekend away (pure coincidence given timings of my family members visit) rather than bulldoze my way into my dp’s family visit without feeling like I had the right to?!