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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is gross?

56 replies

Namechangeforgrossness · 19/05/2018 08:47

Ok, so this is slightly lighthearted and I’m pretty sure I’m not being unreasonable as it is gross. But he disagrees and says it’s what most people would do.

Newish bf and I had a night out last night he came back to mine. Bit tipsy and we ended up getting it on in the kitchen. Afterwards I went upstairs to use the bathroom and he used the downstairs loo before joining me upstairs.

So this morning feeling a bit delicate, I go downstairs to get a drink and nurofen and he’d put the condom we used in the kitchen bin, not wrapped in anything just in there.
That’s gross isn’t it? My ex always wrapped it in toilet roll and he’d put it in the bathroom bin not the kitchen. New guy thinks it’s quite funny that it bothers me, seen as I was happy to do it in the kitchen. He said he just put it in the closest bin and that’s what most people would do.

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 19/05/2018 09:26

Yes but so was he, drunk and not caring about anything else and he put it in a bin

To be honest given that you were not really thinking/caring about anything else the fact that you expected him to think much beyond ooh bin Ill put it there is unreasonable

Your boyfriend is right - its fine to have the wrap it and bathroom bin when sober but if you are in that kind of drunken mood together the bin is fine. You are holding him to a higher standard there than yourself

Original poster

Namechangeforgrossness · 19/05/2018 09:26

I did think most people wrapped them though! Everyone else I’ve been with has done.
But he says he doesn’t and he lives in a shared house at the moment, which I do think is a bit gross.

OP posts:

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/05/2018 09:26

If you're in a house share then it's a bit inconsiderate. Other than that, it's not an issue at all.
However, I would suggest emptying the bin before your mother pops round and gets confronted by the horror in the bin

Seriously though, this is probably your hang up about sex being gross? Why are you so repulsed by the evidence of what you did last night?

Be careful of continually referring to what your ex used to do as well.
That's not what a new bf wants to hear.

Hope your hangover clears soon

LoniceraJaponica · 19/05/2018 09:28

If your new boyfrind could read this thread he would be running for the hills. Being compared to ex lovers isn't very nice, and you sound overly fastidious.

Here's another grip.

CocoaGin · 19/05/2018 09:28

He put it in the bin, not on the kitchen table

Ohyesiam · 19/05/2018 09:30

It would have bothered me if he flushed it, but a bin‘s a bin.

JacquesHammer · 19/05/2018 09:30

I would have a problem if my daughter saw a condom in the bin. Pretty responsible message, no?

clockworklime · 19/05/2018 09:30

When you think you’ve heard it all on mumsnet..

JacquesHammer · 19/05/2018 09:31

Sorry I WOULDN’T have a problem

Original poster

Namechangeforgrossness · 19/05/2018 09:31

Ha! Definitely no hang ups about sex being gross. I’d say I’m a bit more open minded than him in that respect. Probably why he found it odd that it bothered me.

He wasn’t drunk though. He had to work and drive early this morning, so he only had a few and switched to no alcohol.

And I didn’t say what my ex did to him, just that I thought most people wrapped them in something before putting it in the bin.

OP posts:

Letitgo2018 · 19/05/2018 09:32

I wonder if you feel a bit exposed OP? Or boundaries crossed as the evidence would just have been there if someone opened the bin.
Just aske for the future what you want him to do and don't make a big issue of it .

Tinkobell · 19/05/2018 09:33

Agree it's gross.

Letitgo2018 · 19/05/2018 09:34

Oh ok. Yes it's a bit sloppy if you have kids. Maybe it's quite a big contrast between a night without your DC and then normal life and he didn't think.

BexConnor · 19/05/2018 09:36

I thought you were going to say he'd left it on the kitchen counter or something! In the bin wouldn't bother me at all, just empty the bag outside to the wheelie so you don't have to see it.

Peterrabbitscarrots · 19/05/2018 09:41

It would depend on how full the bin was - eg if it was almost full, DC would see the condom on top and someone may end up inadvertently touching it when emptying the bin, then that’s not ok.

But at the bottom of an empty bin, could t get worked up about it.

Original poster

Namechangeforgrossness · 19/05/2018 09:44

If he wants to run for the hills because I asked him in future to wrap a used condom before putting it in a bin my young dc may see it in. I’d more than happily show him the way Lonicera

It’s not like I’m comparing his performance or anything! I thought it was pretty standard to wrap it before throwing it away.
I’ll except I’m wrong and most people just throw them in the bin unwrapped.

OP posts:

Missingstreetlife · 19/05/2018 09:44

Definately wrap, and keep away from children and animals.

Original poster

Namechangeforgrossness · 19/05/2018 09:48

I’d said the bin was full Peterrabbits. I doubt I’d have noticed if it wasn’t to be fair and I’ve not noticed before now and he said he doesn’t usually wrap them.

He did empty the bin before he left though, so that saved me a job

OP posts:

BodgingThisMumThing · 19/05/2018 09:49

I emptied the hoover yesterday and there was a used condom in there. It was from the night before and whilst I’m glad DP hoovered I was slightly horrified. I agree with wrapping it up too!

theycallmebabydriver · 19/05/2018 09:52

High five on getting tipsy and doing it in the kitchen!

At 37 weeks pregnant I'm in no way jealous of you, nope, this horny but incapable, sober, horse box of a woman is not jealous in the slightest

HarrietKettleWasHere · 19/05/2018 09:59

You really shouldn't take nurofen on an empty stomach.

MumofBoysx2 · 19/05/2018 10:02

I don't think that's anywhere near as gross as you telling us all that while we are still negotiating our morning coffee. Sorry.

KnobZombie7 · 19/05/2018 10:06

I don't understand. His used condom made you feel sick when you saw it in the bin, yet you had sex with him the night before. Someone else's used condom in the bin, I would understand but the man who you slept with the night before? OP, do you think you might regret last night just a wee bit?

Original poster

Namechangeforgrossness · 19/05/2018 10:40

I did put gross in the title MumofBoys! So sorry, but you’d been warned.

Definitely no regrets about last night or this morning KnobZombie. It wasn’t seeing the condom that made me feel sick more that I was already feeling sick (hungover) and they aren’t any prettier the next morning just because you enjoyed the using it part.

I meant the gross part, more as in putting it a bin unwrapped where anyone can see it. I guess it feels a bit disrespectful as it’s my home and he’s only stayed a few time, he knows I have a dc and they’d be home today. And I really thought it was common practice to wrap them in something before throwing it away.

OP posts:

Original poster

Namechangeforgrossness · 19/05/2018 10:47

But like I said it’s slightly lighthearted! Dc obviously didn’t see it and I didn’t actually throw up or anything. We had a jokey chat and a bit of teasing about it from both sides. And he understand my reasoning in regards to dc. He doesn’t have kids so don’t think he’d thought of that side of things at all.

OP posts:

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