Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU about DD9 crush

18 replies

Rockingthestocking · 18/05/2018 23:16

My DD9 yr 4 has a crush on a boy in her class. She's popular in her class and has lots of best friends i.e as far as i know she exists in a lovely fluffy comfy cloud where all the kids, regardless of academic, personal or social skills all get on well. How perfect. I mentioned to a couple of her friends mum's that she had this crush and both of these mum's ( , independently as it was as at separate times) said this boy was horrid. For different reasons had both their kids in tears over the weekend. It burst my bubbles of a bit.
I'm quite distant from her school life.....she gets on with it,does well, has mates, Yadda Yadda, I let it be and whatever
. But all of a sudden not only has my nine year old got a crush but it's on the one boy that makes trouble unbeknown to me with her mates.
I have always been completely laid back about her friends and who likes who etc but maybe I should intervene. AIBU to just ignore it and just let them get on with it and it will all work out? Or should I start getting involved?

OP posts:

WonkoTheSane42 · 18/05/2018 23:19

She’s nine. She’ll be in love with someone else next week.

Lethaldrizzle · 18/05/2018 23:23

There's too many black and white in that story. She's super popular and he's really horrible. Really?

BertieBotts · 18/05/2018 23:24

You're overthinking. But do talk to her generally about healthy relationships. Not in the context of this boy specifically, but if she's starting to have crushes then it is important sooner rather than later. Have you had the sex talk? I think healthy relationships and boundaries/normal feelings about sex are useful things which go well together as a discussion.

Somersetter · 18/05/2018 23:24

"let them get on with it"? Let them get on with what exactly? She's 9 - it's just a crush. They're not going to start dating!

Ohyesiam · 18/05/2018 23:26

Have you asked her what she likes about him?

Original poster

Rockingthestocking · 18/05/2018 23:37

Yep...I think I'm over thinking it too. I have spoken to her about love, relationships, sex , ...bought her books which she's read and talked about with me. Everything hunky dory. Im surprid I'm even asking for support as everything has gone so stupidly well up to now..like something out of a book !!!
I guess I'm surprised that her first crush is on the one lad who, as I discovered tonight, makes her two best mates life difficult. I'm inclined to ignore it..she's 9, it's hardly relevant, but why the hell has she chosen him?the kid that upsets them all?

OP posts:

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 18/05/2018 23:40

He was a punk
She did ballet
What more can I say?

...

He was a sk8ter boi
She said see you later boy
He wasn't good enough for her

Original poster

Rockingthestocking · 18/05/2018 23:43

Yep... I'm being ridiculous aren't I;-);-);-) she's my only.... she's my princess...
I thought it was all perfect but it's not that she easy so I asked Mumsnet for help me support which actually I don't need.itll alone coo!. She's 9 F F S!!sorry!!!!

OP posts:

KeepServingTheDrinks · 18/05/2018 23:43

Our children are often drawn to friendships which we as adults (who love them) think are unhealthy for them for one reason or another. The child who loves the bossy one, the child who's enamoured by the mean one, etc etc.

And that's all before partners kick in.

And... hey... ADULTS are often drawn into unhealthy friendships and relationships.

I don't know how much you think you can do? You can encourage other friendships, you can talk to your child and help them with tactics and coping mechanisms, but - ultimately - I don't think you can control who your child chooses to be friends with.

Do you think differently?

CaledonianQueen · 18/05/2018 23:44

They are nine years old, a crush is likely to never be declared at that age! They are not teenagers embarking on a relationship!

This boy is 9 years old, I really don't think much of those Mothers calling him 'horrid'. They have no idea what is going on at home for that little boy. He may be witnessing domestic abuse, or perhaps he is being bullied himself, his parents could be going through a divorce or he may have ADHD or autism.

Calling a child 'horrid', 'bad news', or a 'bully' can destroy a child they have no incentive to be nice or change if they are always going to be seen as that boy who is 'horrid' or 'bad news'.

Your daughter obviously likes this boy, which means he must have positive attributes, perhaps he is kind to her, you could ask her why she likes him and trust her judgement, instead of immediately believing two Mothers who have written this child off before he has even reached double digits!

Happyandshiney · 18/05/2018 23:44

We can’t all like the same people though.

I have ten year old twins. My DD really doesn’t like DS’s best friend. DS thinks he’s great.

There are girls that DS gets on with who DD doesn’t and vice versa.

Maybe he’s horrible to those girls and nice to your DD. Maybe they are horrible to him and he retaliated.

They’re nine. Chill.

OlennasWimple · 18/05/2018 23:51

Anyone else remember ?

Original poster

Rockingthestocking · 18/05/2018 23:51

Yep.. completely agree . Thanks for helping. I needed to hear all of that.i don't know this kid..he may be ace and I didn't even give him a chance.F F S they're 9!!!!!! Thanks all for sorting my head out. sorry for wasting your time... let's all get back to the meaty AIBu threads:-)😎😎😎

OP posts:

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 18/05/2018 23:56

Sorry, I was being flippant.

I think it's ok to be alert to possible harmful influences, and to reiterate the importance of being kind, and how it's good to be around people who are kind to us and others and keep a distance from any unkind behaviour, whether aimed at us or at people around us. Those are the sort of boundaries that children can understand and implement - walking away, dissociating, speaking to an adult if there's a problem etc.

I wouldn't go in heavy handed though. Largely because:

You don't know this child and only have it on hearsay that he's mean.
At nine, it's not a relationship as such - there's no life merging or partnership or anything like that. It's holding hands in the playground and it will probably be over by next week.

Carouselfish · 18/05/2018 23:57

My 3 year old is obsessed with Scarface Claw, Lion King's Scar and PJ Masks' Romeo. I forsee a similar future for her, OP .

LooseyInTheSky · 19/05/2018 00:01

Let it go! She's not marrying him... nothing will happen.

Original poster

Rockingthestocking · 19/05/2018 00:06

Fuck it. She's ace. Whoever this kid is.. he must be ace or else she wouldn't like him would she? He could be your son!!! Sorry for being a precious twat and thank you. I am not ok.....but you are xxx

OP posts:

LooseyInTheSky · 19/05/2018 00:08

Too right OP. One's dickhead is another's loveable rogue. It's all hearsay anyway, so who knows? Trust your DD and don't fret.

Flip