DD friend wanting to live with us.

[MomofCrazyLex]

Please help. Need advice. A young man 16 will be 17 in July has asked to stay with us for a few weeks. His mother is a dead friend of mine.

The reason he has asked to stay with us is that his mom keeps inviting people to live in her home.

They live in a e bedroom 2 bath in the country. Currently there are 5 adults. Mom dad uncle 1 uncle 2 and uncle 3. There are four children Dds friend his 13 year old brother and 11 year old sister and uncle 2s 8 year old son.

Mom and dad have one bedroom. Daughter has one and uncle 2 and his son have third.

Two teenage sons share air mattress in living room and uncles 1 and 3 sleep on the couch.

Nome of the kids are doing well in school. There is a lot of fighting between allnthe kids.

The mom and dad are the only ones who work. And they have many animals.

The home is very crowded.

Aibu in letting the 16 year old stay for awhile. If I do let him stay how do I approach it with his mother.

Just to add if he did stay in my home he would have his own room. He spends many weekends sleeping there already.

Any advice would be great.

You must think about the impact this has on your own DD too.

Thank you for the advice. On a few pp have mentioned ground rules and such.

This young man is a great friend to my daugter. He is here three to five days a week just to hang out.

The bedroom he stays in is a guest room so no one is out of their space. He actually helps cook and clean on the nights he is here already so I am lucky I that I think he will help out around the house if he does stay.

Heck last Thursday as he was leaving he saw my garbage was full and took it to the bins and took the bins to the street for collection the next morning. I did not ask him to-do this. I found out when I went to take bins out later that night.

OP how old is your daughter?

Sorry thought I said Dd is 16.

OK

So you want to move in a 16 yo young man into your home when you have a 16 year old daughter and they are "great friends".
We have a saying in Scotland
"Aye Right"

Roughly translated as " Are you nuts?!"

Alpaca did you read the thread? She is in the US so no benefits and the points you make are explained a few posts above

speakout

Do grow up.

I think you are lovely op

QuinnElle I assume you have vast experience in parenting teenagers. In which case I stand corrected.

In theory, it's a lovely gesture/idea and you sound very lovely for thinking it.

But, you are not this young persons parent/guardian. And it's going to put a huge amount of pressure on your DD. One argument and you could be looking at WW3 between them.

You need to push for help for him, and do everything you can to make him feel loved and supported. But don't let him move in, for your DDs sake.

How does your daughter feel?
What about if they fall out?
What about if she gets a boyfriend and wants to invite him over- or have a few girlfriends round- will this male friend be in the way?

On balance I would do it but you do have to discuss with his Mum -you can't just ok it and not speak to her .

You know actually it’s the effect on your DD I’d be most worried about

I think Id be inclined to offer a bed say Friday to Monday but that he goes home in between so your DD has some space in her own house.
Otherwise she is effectively living with her best friend at only 16 and that is a lot of pressure to put on a teenage friendship.

The OP seems more concerned about the welfare of this lad and her friendship with her friend than the well being of her daughter.

Sixteen is a vulnerable age for and adolescent.

From the DDs perspective having her friend staying with the family may sound good, but the implications of that need to be considered.
As nice as it is to have this guy " hanging out" OP mentioned he is hoping to get a job- so presumably not in school, so when he is finished his chores he will be looking company and entertainment.
Is your DD at school OP? does she have exams coming up? I would be concerned that this lad would be major disctraction to her right now, especially as they are good friends and enjoy each other's company.
As Notthatwomanagain said what if there is an argument between them?
And as I alluded to before lets not deny that 16 year olds are a bundle of raging hormones. With a good friendship already in place it would not be surprising if that tipped over into a sexual relationship- and that would probably happen without your knowledge.
Would you be happy with that OP? Because that is an absolute real possibility.

So for all those reasons I would not have this young man to stay.
I would have him visit for sure, but I would be helping him find a job with a view to fining his feet.

I think that is so fab! Just see what his parents think if they are OK with it then why not x

Just see what his parents think if they are OK with it then why not x

Because the OP has a 16 year old daughter to consider.