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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so disappointed in DH

14 replies

WhatEverItIsIDidntDoIt · 18/05/2018 18:59

I just feel so deflated.

I have been suffering with anxiety for sometime which has reached a peak recently and I had realised its not going to disappear on its own. Last week I told my dh about seeing the GP and explained why I felt the need to reach out to someone and whilst he was sympathetic (we were on the phone) he didn’t mention it again. Today I had my assessment with Mind and I have been referred for a 6 week course of CBT which I think is really going to help. DH was home from work early today and asked where I had been (I work from home fridays) and when I explained he pulled a face, as if he was disgusted. The first thing he said in response to my answer was if I now had to declare this on forms in future! I asked what he meant and he wouldn’t give me an answer, when I asked him he was worried people where going to find out he simply responded “I don’t care” and hasn’t mentioned it since.

I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach, Aibu to just go through the counselling and not mention it again to him or should I try to make him understand how important this is to me?

OP posts:

DragonMummy1418 · 18/05/2018 19:01

He's disgusted that your looking after your mental health?
What a complete prick!

Trinity66 · 18/05/2018 19:02

Oh wow I'm so sorry for you, how uncaring he is and actually adding to your anxiety instead of supporting you :(

DragonMummy1418 · 18/05/2018 19:02

Sorry, that wasn't a very supportive reply from me...
I'd explain it to him and get him to talk. Show him suicide figures, show him how important it is for people to be open and talk about mental health.

Original poster

WhatEverItIsIDidntDoIt · 18/05/2018 19:15

Not at all dragon, I have the same opinion! I am ok in my day to day, no one would necessarily know that I am suffering unless I actually told them.
I’ll talk to him again later but part of me feels like bollox, I don’t need him to help me with this! Seems to be a reoccurring theme in our relationship of late 🙄

OP posts:

Mrskeats · 18/05/2018 19:17

Wow that’s pretty low. Is he normally like this?

Candlelight123 · 18/05/2018 19:23

What an uncaring attitude, sorry for you op, you are doing the right thing looking after yourself.
If he means declaring conditions on insurance form, you may need to do but also you may not. To be frank your mental health now is more important than that

DragonMummy1418 · 18/05/2018 19:49

When I was at my lowest (and suicidal) I seemed ok in my day to day life to everyone else, I'm fortunate that my DH knew what was going on and was really supportive, he helped save my life.
Have you got someone else you can talk to?
Well done seeking help btw!

ThePinkOcelot · 18/05/2018 20:07

He doesn’t care?! Wow!

Original poster

WhatEverItIsIDidntDoIt · 18/05/2018 20:09

He is a very private person and internalises a lot of his thoughts/feelings. It is very normal for him not to show emotion often, I think he is of the mentality that everyone should handle things in the same way he does.

I have kept both my mum and sister up to date who are both a massive support, I am definitely not alone.

OP posts:

pointythings · 18/05/2018 20:09

He sounds ignorant and unsupportive. He needs to accept the reality that 1 in 4 of us will be affected by mental illness at some point in our lives, and that it isn't shameful, wrong or weak.

There aren't a lot of situations where you would have to declare minor anxiety issues.

RhiWrites · 18/05/2018 20:11

He plainly attaches a stigma to mental health. He said he didn’t care to pretend he wasn’t worried about what other people think.

OP, a lot of people are a bit frightened of MH issues. Try talking to him again about how you’re glad to be getting the help you need but needing his support and ask him how he feels about it. Try to open up to each other.

Greggers2017 · 18/05/2018 20:12

Generally people don't know how to deal with mental health. It still has some stigma attached. In my experience, men especially do no understand mental health, as they are from a generation that do not speak about it.
I think you need to try and get your husband to try and understand it more. Maybe try talking to him etc. I know that's easier said than done.
I really feel for you OP, I struggled with anxiety on and off. My ex partner didn't really understand or know how to help at first. Sending you hugs and hoping you can sort the situation.

pointythings · 18/05/2018 20:13

He is a very private person and internalises a lot of his thoughts/feelings. It is very normal for him not to show emotion often

I had one like that. It all went well until he lost his mum, turned to alcohol and still couldn't reach out and get the help he needed. He is now unemployed, single, has no contact with his DDs and still dependent on alcohol. That kind of stoicism is not healthy.

You are doing the right thing for yourself in seeking help.

Sally2791 · 18/05/2018 20:13

Very unsupportive. I would feel very let down by this. Definitely worth letting him know how you feel about his attitude

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