To want to give up learning to drive

[Thingiebob]

I have spoken about learning to drive on here before and took the advice to switch to an automatic. I do find it easier.

There is only one auto lesson driver in my area. He is unlike any other instructor I have had before. He continually tells me I do 'strange' steering, that I should just 'get over my nerves' and tells me how to do something once then seems surprised if I don't get it first time. However, he is very experienced and has been an instructor for thirty years. His driving school is really highly rated.

I am dyspraxic and struggle with lots of info at once. Despite telling him this, he isn't really changing the way he teaches. I actually think he is making my driving worse! My old instructors would take me places and let me practice over and over again. They would get in the drivers seat and physically show me what to do. This guy hasn't once shifted from his seat. He overloads me with extraneous info.

Today I had the worst lesson and made errors that a newbie makes. I have had nearly 100 hours of lessons, and only five hours in an automatic so I really shouldn't be making this errors.

I feel like I should just give up, but I will disappoint so many people and I won't be able to drive my daughter to school next year which will be a massive problem.

Any other learner drivers feel the same way? I was thinking about a support thread but I wasn't sure which forum to put it in hence the AIBU to want to give up!

Sounds like a mismatch between you and the instructor. Have you explained how you take time to assimilate the info he's giving? That you need repeat demonstrations? If so and he still doesn't get it are you sure he's the only one in the area? I went through a few instructors and passed with the one I connected with. I struggle too with dyspraxia and directional dyslexia. I passed in a manual. With the right instructor you may find actually a manual is not so bad..don't give up. I had 7 goes in all.

Could you find a non-auto teacher prepared to teach you in your own car? Or do lots of driving with a friend or family member, then just take lessons to prepare you for the test? (I'm not sure how good you are at the moment, but presumably you have some basic competence).

He may have a good point in suggesting you "get over your nerves" - he's suggesting that your main problem is your lack of confidence. Try not to be critical of yourself "I shouldn't be making these errors" and focusing yourself into a more positive appraisal of your efforts. It will seem like mind games at first, but if you keep focusing on the things you are doing right, your confidence will build.

Don't let this man put you off learning to drive OP. At the same time don't learn to drive because otherwise you feel you'll be letting people down. However, if you need to drive to get your daughter to school that's a good reason to stick at it.

BSM used to have people who teach in automatic cars and specialize in teaching nervous drivers or drivers with issues such as yours. I'm assuming they still do that.

His teaching doesn't sound right for you. Maybe you need to look a bit further afield and find someone who has a bit more understanding and patience and is will to go at your pace. After all, you are paying him for his service, he's not doing you a favour, and you're entitled to get the sort of teaching you need and are paying for.

It's worth keeping going. Once you have your license, even if you don't drive for a while you can always come back and have another course of lessons, this time without the pressure of the test. And it's a handy id document to have.

I think I remember your previous thread, your dad wasn’t very helpful I seem to recall.
I get what you are saying about overloading with info - it’s probably just that he knows it all and just hasn’t thought that maybe others don’t immediately know all this, and so hasn’t considered breaking it down into chunks.
I think you need to explain again to him about your dyspraxia and get him to focus on one thing at a time instead of trying to overload you with info.

Mother Sorry that wasn't my thread.
I do have a car. An bloody automatic that I persuaded my DH we should get.
Thanks for all your responses. I just feel so down about it. I've invested so much time and money in it and I really thought learning to drive in an automatic was going to change everything.

I would keep looking for an auto driver, though he is highly regarded, does not seem like the best teacher for you, I woulden't feel comfortable with him either. I am learning on an auto, as I failed 4 manual tests 20 years ago, I am nervous, anxious and dyslexic. I have found a lovely patient driving instructor, and making good progress.

Don't give up, I was told I steered funny (with my finger tips) told I'd only learn in an automatic, all bollocks, I changed my instructor and passed second time in a manual.

God I have so much sympathy, I was definitely not a natural driver and my instructor was clearly frustrated that it took me so long to learn and felt that my anxiety could just be overcome by force of will. (He told me to drink loads of red bull to perk me up a bit so I'd drive faster). I used to come back from each lesson and cry (sometimes I didn't manage to wait until the lesson was over actually).

I'm so glad I did now. It took me about two years to learn then a year or two after having my licence to feel confident but I'm just so glad I persevered. It's one of my biggest personal achievements (even though I have done stuff that's more actually impressive than something most 17 years old manage!).

Please don't give up. Maybe find a better instructor further afield if possible?

If I'm honest, I didn't understand gears until after I passed my test!
The car I learned in had a little arrow on the dash that told you when to shift gears, so I just used to follow that! 🙈
Sounds like you really do need a different instructor. Not every learner and instructor are a good match.
Maybe try someone who offers a free trial lesson, while still staying with your current instructor so you can compare their style and how they make you feel during a lesson?

In the lead up to my test (last June, aged 33), my instructor took me to the test centre to try and ease my anxiety. On the way back I totally lost it as I had a massive anxiety attack. Because he was awesome and knew about my issues, he got me to pull in to McD's drive through and we ordered two teas and sat in the car park until I'd calmed down enough to drive again! 😁
There are some great instructors out there... this one just isn't right for you

How long have you spent learning?

Being honest there are definitely people who are awful drivers out there and I tend to think if you think you are one of them, then don't join the crowd. My sister took a couple of years and three attempts to pass her test, then had so many dithery moments in small local drives, she realised it wasn't right for her to be on the right.

We see a lot of confident bad drivers on the road. If you've only just started learning that's different, but then the fact you actually had to switch to automatic doesn't bode well.

I agree. Dont give up. I flunked test 4 times, just wanting to give up. Felt stupid. But Was moving to the middle of nowhere and needed to drive in order og getting kids to school, doctors and Also shopping. I passed the 5 time. Cost a Castle. I can now drive kids to school and doktor, friends nearby and i do shopping. Thats it. I freak if i go further. So that might never be better. I almost dont care. I am so proud of myself and i love my car. But i have also cried my eyes out, feeling stupid. Dont give up.

You will do it, OP, have faith - you know what you can do. Compare that to how you felt getting in a car for the first time knowing nothing, see how far you've come.

Also, you have a car - anyone over the age of 21 and been driving for 3 years can teach a learner with the right insurance on it. If there's no professional instructors, is there anyone in your circle you'd feel comfortable with that could help and take you for lessons?

Sounds like you know the basics and can make it move, you just need confidence and knowledge now.

If you have an automatic maybe you could find a manual instructor who is prepared to teach you in your own car? Also if you're very nervous could you look into beta blockers? Helped me a lot.