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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for suggestion on what to do with my teens

35 replies

Ifuckinghatethatdog · 18/05/2018 07:43

I have 2 teens who are 14 and 15.

I work shifts and 2 weeks in every 5 I have to leave for work at 6am.

On those days my teens truant from school. They just don’t go.

I don’t know what to do. I’m getting phone calls at work to say they’re not there (I work as an anaesthetic ODP in theatres so I get bleeped) if they can’t get through to me they ring my mum (she lives 200 miles away so can’t physically help) and I can’t leave work half way through an operation to get them to school. I have no outside help at all.

I’ve tried taking their phones/xboxes, grounding them, bribing them. I’ve taken their keys off of them, removed all food and drink from the house so there’s nothing to eat on those days, but nothing bothers them. I’m at the end of my tether and I just don’t know what else to do.

I’m a single parent (widowed 9 years ago) and can’t give up or change my job. My work can’t be flexible about start times - I have to be there at 7 on those shifts to get theatre prepared.

I’ve been told that I’m going to get fined for the unauthorised absences, I’ve told the kids but they just don’t care.

What can I do?

Please help!

OP posts:

metalmum15 · 18/05/2018 12:01

The McDonald's suggestion sounds good, at least it actually gets them out of the house. Do you think they will actually go to school though, or just go back home? I can't help thinking it's deliberate on their part, not just a case of over sleeping. Even if they woke up at midday they could still head into school for the afternoon. I'm thinking they possibly have conversations the night before, you know, mum's at work tomorrow so no need to go to school. How are they doing academically? Presumably missing so much school must mean they're falling behind in lessons, and I assume eldest will be going into year 11 in September? I do hope you get them sorted op.

Original poster

Ifuckinghatethatdog · 18/05/2018 13:12

I take their keys so there’d be no point in them going home. Whether they’d actually go to school is a different matter. I think they would, as it does seem to be the getting up and out that is the problem.

Academic wise they seem to be doing ok. Would maybe be better if they were failing, as then I could use that as another example of why they need to go to school. Dd is going into year 11 in September (she’s 16 in October) so it’s really important I get this sorted before then.

OP posts:

mummyrabbitpeppapig · 18/05/2018 14:20

Turn off the WiFi / change the password, take their keys take them to work then they half two hours to get to school ( no point going home as no key to get in)! No pickets money - take everything away from them. They have to earn them back by going to school.snd having some respect for you

mummyrabbitpeppapig · 18/05/2018 14:22

*Have two hours
*- pocket money -

Luckyme2 · 18/05/2018 14:26

I agree with the suggestion of getting them up and ready before you leave. They are old enough to be told how utterly disrespectful to you this is as well. They should be feeling ashamed of themselves

kikashi · 18/05/2018 14:27

Get some brochures for State Boarding Schools and leave them in the front room on a coffee table. If they comment say you are thinking about it as you can't afford to lose your job or get a criminal record over their non attendance. It might turn the tide.

Do they realise how worried you are about it all and how serious it could be for you (criminal record) if things escalate?

Knitjob · 18/05/2018 14:32

It sounds almost like it's become a bit of a game or challenge to them. What can mum take off us next, how can we get round that? Are they leaving a window unlocked and climbing back in even though you have taken away their keys?

Tell them you've been fined and sold their Xbox to pay the fine. Next you will need to sell their phones.

BackInTime · 18/05/2018 14:46

How do they get up on the days that you are at home? Do they rely on you to wake them and get them up? If this is the case could you maybe get them an alarm each and let them get themselves up so they are less reliant on you and more in the habit of getting up and out themselves.

IchFliegeNach · 18/05/2018 15:34

Wow, they are being very selfish.
I think you need to appeal to them emotionally and not focus on the x box and punishments and everything else as much.

Teenagers can lack empathy with parents but often if they are helped to realise how unfair and unkind they are being, they are mortified and want to put it right.

So sit down with them and ask for their help. Tell them how much you love them, how proud you are of them, etc. Then let it all put. Explain how awful you feel, how stressed and anxious it makes you when they don't go to school. Don't be afraid to cry or get upset about how hard it is on you. Ask them nicely to help you out.

See what happens then reassess. Good luck xxx

coconutbun · 18/05/2018 17:01

So sorry you're dealing with this. They really don't realise how much they're stressing you.

Is it possible to force them to leave the house with you at 6AM? I don't mean take them to work with you, but as long as they are dressed and out of the house you can lock the door behind you and then they either go to school themselves or somehow entertain themselves outside all day with no money (something I can imagine would get rather tedious pretty quickly)

Sending you happy thoughts

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