To worry about my IBS affecting new relationships

[Jellysausage]

I am recently single and have been suffering with severe IBS for almost a year.

My previous partner was used to the noises it used to cause my stomach to make (super loud gurgles) and the incessant burping (not on purpose - it just came in bursts and wouldn’t stop - more guttural and like my stomach was forcing air out rather than from the throat - it is completely incontrollable once it starts)

Anyhow, the symptoms outlined above are at their worst as soon as I lie down to go to bed and my previous partner was mindful and would rub my back to try help alleviate it but I cannot explain how uncomfortable it makes me and I am so embarrassed at the thoughts of starting to date someone new because all of these things just appear really unladylike from the outside.

I am working on trying to find out what my triggers are but that too is a work in progress so some nights (like tonight) it is really very bad and I can’t sleep.

It stresses me out just thinking about it

Also, I should say that I do take medication but sometimes it’s juat not enough to stop it

Have you tried the FODMAP diet? I've heard it's really helpful.

Stressing about it is probably making your symptoms worse.

Have a laugh and joke about it, the right person for you won't be out off by gurgling stomach. I threw up on my first date with my now husband due to a health condition

I’ve tried to look into it but it’s pretty overwhelming @Miz - you are correct though, I have heard great things. I may try to see a nutririonist who can try to explain it simply to me as I can’t keep going on like this 😣

I have IBS too and a complete inability to ever use the bathroom and only have a wee. Even if i don't feel i need to go, as soon as i start weeing, it's involuntary. I worry so badly about the time it takes to go, the obvious smells (as you'll know its usually quite bad as its not a healthy Bm), the noises etc. It's completely put me off dating, i know it's probably silly, everyone goes etc, but in a society where you're brought up with males making "women don't fart/poo" jokes, where you're expected to hide the fact you even do it if you're female, i feel so, so self conscious.

Yes, I can see that would be very off-putting for a new sexual partner. He/she may be more supportive if they were someone you got to know well before you got to the lying down in bed stage, so that you could be honest about your condition before you got to that stage. I think I might try a bit longer to see if I could manage the IBS more effectively, though, before I contemplated getting into a new sexual relationship.

@Almost - I feel for you! It’s really terrible - men I know leave bathrooms with a sense of pride at the stench they’ve left behind but if I woman is in there more than 2 minutes they were obviously having a poo - how disgusting of them!?

Think of a beautiful celebrity you really admire. Imagine her with IBS and identical symptoms to you.
Do you really think this would put a man off her?
Being human is actually an attractive quality.
You just have to get comfortable with someone who really likes you before getting intimate.
I don't have IBS but I've had my farty moments and all my exes found it funny, it didn't put them off.

Are you part of any support groups for people with IBS/bowel conditions?

Just wondering if that would be a place to meet someone who would understand your symptoms and relate?

It's not really a sexist thing, or only in a minor way. If I were young and single and dating, I would be put off by a man who burped a lot during dates and who wanted me to rub his back in bed to alleviate his digestive condition.

You really should pursue the dietician route. I have 2 colleagues with IBS, one who has it completely under control with her diet (no gluten, low dairy, low sugar, chicken & fish but no other meat) and one who doesn't (half-hearted attempts at dietary control but frequent lapses).

The low FODMAP diet work for me op.

But what pretty much cured most of my IBS symptoms was taking kefir regularly. I make it at home. It's basically had a miraculous effect on my life.