I hate my body

[firstimer91]

I feel almost bad writing this and don't really know if I am looking to rant, hear advice, or see I'm not alone.

I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant with my first. I have always been quite vain, never selfishly but I have low self esteem stemming from various past issues, and making myself feel attractive has always been my armour in a way...

I am short and therefore my belly is now huge. I have stretch marks all over my lower belly and some on my thighs, and cellulite on the back of my thighs and bum, all of which has happened within the last two months.

My face is like a balloon and my arms look flabby. I just sat in a towel which wouldn't close properly today and saw myself in the mirror and couldn't even cry.

I know that I am creating a life and I am very happy about my little one and future as a mummy and with a family, but I can't help feeling sad about my body never being the same.

As I mentioned I suffer from low self esteem although I try and hide it. OH throughout the pregnancy has hardly touched me which makes me feel worse.

I feel guilty having these thoughts as I know it is worth it and wouldn't change anything. But sometimes I feel it's so unfair men's bodies don't change at all and we women go through all that we go through.

I'm worried about pp depression when I see the state/sack my body will be even though I will finally have my little one in my arms and at the same time can't wait.

I just can't seem to snap out of it or shake the feeling...

Sorry for the long text...

Also forgot to add OH works in a club so is surrounded by young pretty girls wearing small clothes, I didn't used to feel insecure about this'd and I trust him, but recently as the weekends approach and I know he's going to be home late I feel insecure.

Probably just hormones but it's awful

Oh bless you OP. I don't have children but can really empathise the way you are feeling. Take care

((hugs))

The transformation your body undergoes during pregnancy is MONUMENTAL and so much of it is not what we expect.
You are not required to like it, you are under no obligation to bloom marvellously and be happy about what pregnancy is doing to your body - you do (kind of) have to put up with it though.

Finish cooking this baby, bring them in to world and enjoy him or her. Accept that it will have taken you 9 months to make them, so your 'new' post-natal body won't have settled into its new shape for a similar amount of time. Don't put your pressure to 'bounce back' or regain your pregnancy body in a ridiculously short time. Unless you have unlimited funds and access to a personal trainer and cook, I don't think that is realistic. Or kind - to yourself or your baby.

You feeling insecure is understandable, and not helped by your partner's working environment. Have you spoken to him how you feel? Do you feel supported by him?

It's not 'just hormones', don't put yourself down.
Pregnancy costs women a lot and there's no sugar coating it.

PS: I am now 52, I've had 4 DCs, 4 MCs and I am slimmer and fitter than I was 20 years ago. H has just left me and it had nothing to do with how toned my waist is.

Yeah I hated it too. My arms got fat first, I remember thinking WTAF. No one tells you that. They my nipples changed colour and I got a thin line of hair from my belly button to my navel. I recall saying to my husband no one tells you this shit and it's awful.

I put on a lot of weight and felt big and cumbersome. And I hated it.

I lost the weight very quickly to be honest, I really didn't like being pregnant. But god, it's worth it, my daughter now 20,is the love of my life and it's a few months of feeling like crap in the big scheme of things. 💐

I hated my body so much when I was pregnant. I had HG and went down to 7 stone by my due date. After I gave birth I literally couldn't stop eating and put on 3 stone in 6 months It was terrible.

But by the time my DC were 1 and 2 I had my normal size 10 body back and have kept it ever since you have to wait it out.

I completely sympathise. I had twins 20 months ago. My body wasn’t exactly great to begin with but it was okay. I didn’t actually mind it until late on in my pregnancy, when my bump was beyond enormous. The first time I saw my body after my c section I had a big ugly cry... and then while I was pumping the weight pretty much fell off. Sure, my stomach was still a bit of an issue. It’s actually since I stopped pumping that the weight has come back on and I feel absolutely awful, and health issues for me and one of my boys haven’t made it easy to do any exercise. I have made small steps though and I am seeing a difference.

What I find amazing is how much the body can bounce back. I mean, I’m 35 and by the end of my pregnancy I was about as wide as I was tall to be honest, but given how huge my stomach was, I am quite surprised how it looks now. I still have diastasis so my stomach protrudes (working on that) and I have a bit of a c section apron going on, but my skin isn’t loose like I was expecting. I do have more cellulite than I used to, but it’s not that bad. My boobs about tripled in size but they look almost the same as they did before.

All I’m saying is, you can’t know how you’ll look in a year. I have a friend whose baby was born at the same time as mine. She was very slim before pregnancy, she’s since become a fitness instructor and she looks AMAZING. You’d never know she’d had a baby. My advice is to cross this bridge when you come to it, way down the line. You may well find that your perspective completely changes once your baby arrives, mine definitely has.

Thanks to the media we have very unrealistic expectations of what a new Mum should look like. Of course our bodies won’t conform to the current ideal, but that’s okay.

@PerfectlyDone

That's amazing and inspiring! OH knows I feel insecure about his job, it shows sometimes but he recently got a promotion and loves it so I just have to suck it up I guess.

He is supportive but I feel left out as the club atmosphere always ends with a drink or two afterwards and new waitresses appear on his Facebook weekly etc.

I am always invited and I know some of his colleagues and most of his colleagues know about me etc. but realistically I can't be there any more and I feel sometimes he has a separate life even though it is work.

I genuinely do trust him and he has said many a time that he would never do anything to jeopardise our future but it hurts, and I don't want to seem the needy/insecure wife.