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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to pay for this?

19 replies

user1471605190 · 17/05/2018 18:16

[ ] I'm 24, live at my DPs mums house and have done for nearly two years but don't pay any board. My DP pays £290 board a month to his DM and I save £400 a month towards a deposit to buy our own place. I also pay £100 to my parents to keep my room at home so we can go between. Before we moved in with MIL we lived at my parents for 3 years where DP did not pay any board but I did. We both have full time jobs but don't earn a great deal. MIL has an en suite in her room and I share the main bathroom with DP, his DB and his girlfriend when she is here. Shower has been on the blink and plummer has confirmed it's dead and will be £250 to fix (it's had 10 years of use so general wear and tear). MIL doesn't use our bath apart from washing the dog once a week so I feel I should offer to pay towards the cost or ask BIL & GF to split the whole cost with me and DP. MIL moans she has no money all the time and it makes me feel awkward. I always want to offer even though DP says I shouldn't as it's not my problem. AIBU to think I should pay for the shower to be replaced? My friend says it's not my house so not my problem.

OP posts:

Mammyloveswine · 17/05/2018 18:19

Of course you should pay! Do you pay towards good or bills? Poor MIL sounds like shes subsidising everyone!

If i were you id speak to mil direct and offer to pay for it, or suggest you and brothers gf pay?

hidinginthenightgarden · 17/05/2018 18:19

If you were renting (which as a couple you kind of are as DP is giving her money) then the landlord would pay surely?

It would be nice to offer her money towards the cost but I do think the onus is on her as it is her house.

Mammyloveswine · 17/05/2018 18:20

Sorry you both and brother and gf pay... that's the fairest way

bridgetreilly · 17/05/2018 18:20

I would definitely offer to pay some or all of the cost. It's not your house but you are living there rent free.

Trinity66 · 17/05/2018 18:21

I think you should pay towards it at least yeah

nancy75 · 17/05/2018 18:25

hidingintgenightgarden If they were renting they’d be paying a shit load more than £290 a month between them!
Op, the 4 of you that use the bathroom should split the cost between you. His mum is nice enough to let you live there, doing things like this is the least you can do

MissionItsPossible · 17/05/2018 18:26

YANBU. Your friend sounds charming

Gazelda · 17/05/2018 18:31

I think the 2 brothers/couples should be paying for this between them. For the sake of £150each, they would make her a very happy and proud mum.

smurfit · 18/05/2018 11:50

If you can afford it and she can't, it's a nice thing to do. There's no real 'obligation' though.

Sounds like you have a pretty good deal there so in your situation, it sounds like something I would offer to do as well.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 18/05/2018 12:04

Of course you should pay, not offer to pay, but pay it as morally that's the right thing to do. Poor MIL seems to be making everyone elses lives easier and hers harder, and its likely the shower would still be fine if all she ever uses it for is washing the dog.

I cannot believe you think £290 is fair especially when you will all be causing a huge increase into the bills. I assume you do your own food shop but still £290 is such a small amount considering how long you have been there.

FirstNameSurname · 18/05/2018 13:18

Your DP is not renting from MIL he's contributing. The contribution needs to go up significantly to account for wear and tear on things like a shower and for your use or you both need to pay one off expenses like this. Either way the money needs to come from your side not MIL. You also need to stop taking advice from your friends else you'll find yourselves having to deal with an actual landlord soon.

FirstNameSurname · 18/05/2018 13:22

Just re-read. Just give her £125 for your and DP share. Your not paying anything towards the house so should definitely pick up this one-off bill. Hopefully BIL and/or GF will do the same.

Bluelady · 18/05/2018 13:22

Two of you pay £290 a month and you even have to ask if you should pay for a new shower? Of course you should.

Confusedbeetle · 18/05/2018 13:27

What is it to do with your friend?

veggiethrower · 18/05/2018 13:32

You and the other couple should split the cost between you.

greendale17 · 18/05/2018 13:42

I cannot believe you think £290 is fair shock especially when you will all be causing a huge increase into the bills. I assume you do your own food shop but still £290 is such a small amount considering how long you have been there.

^i hate to see how you would treat your own mother OP

Lifeisabeach09 · 18/05/2018 13:57

Do you live there most days? If so, pay for the shower along with the other residents (not MIL).
As for the £290pm, I don't get the issue with this. MIL is obviously helping her kids (and their partners) out by charging a low rent. Nice of her.

Guna100 · 18/05/2018 14:36

YANBU..... I think it should ideally be split three or four ways, sounds like MIL is already very supportive letting you both save!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 18/05/2018 14:54

As for the £290pm, I don't get the issue with this. MIL is obviously helping her kids (and their partners) out by charging a low rent. Nice of her.

There comes a time when as an adult you have to stop and think am I taking the piss out of someone's generosity. The OP has been at her MIL house for 2 years and her parents for 3 years prior. They are only paying a small amount of money considering the impact they and her partners brother and his girlfriend will have on the bills, general wear on the property etc. How long is the MIL expected to have them in the house paying such low amounts, she probably allowed it initially to be kind but 2 years is a long time to be generous, poor women is probably wondering when they will be moving out to be honest.

Also if the OP and her partner have saved £400 a month for approx. 2 years that's nearly £10,000. That's not including anything saved whilst living with her parents, if they saved £400 a month during those 3 years that's another £14,400, and yet they are wondering if they should replace the shower?

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