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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cut contact to help ds?

2 replies

Scrambledheads · 17/05/2018 16:17

Posting here for traffic.
I am currently mid divorce, stbxh and I have two children, ds and dd, who are 6 next week and 3 respectively.
Ds and dd get picked up from school/preschool on a Wednesday by their dad and taken to his flat. They stay overnight and get dropped off at 7am. They get picked up at 10am every other Saturday and come back 6pm Sunday.
For the last two months, Ds has been showing signs of anxiety on the day before going to his dads. He will be very clingy to me, doesn't sleep well, reduces appetite and very tearful. On the morning of the day he gets collected he will try everything in order to avoid school, says he feels poorly, hides his shoes etc.
Stbxh says that ds doesn't show any signs of distress on pick up and is happy when with him.
This morning ds teacher approached me before school and told me she was very concerned, that ds was very distressed during school, asking her to call me so I can pick him up 'before daddy does'.
I've obviously asked him why he's so upset and all he can tell me is that he misses me. I have reassured him that I am on the end of the phone and that he will always see me the next day but his behaviour is getting more concerning.
I know he needs contact with his father, I actively encourage it and go out of my way to maintain it but I am getting to the stage where I think I am forcing him to go to his own detriment.
Advice please, has anyone been through this? How did you manage it?

OP posts:
MrsPicklesonSmythe · 17/05/2018 16:22

Can you change the arrangements so he just goes for dinner etc then comes home for the night until he he happy to stay?

lottienottie · 17/05/2018 16:35

Name changed!

Yes I have a very similar issue. Will try not to give too much detail as don't want to be outed.
Your son is displaying the exact behaviours as my dd, however she has point bank refused to go with her dad, will only see him if her immediate family are with her.
Dad lives over 100 miles away and she used to stay for weekends regularly. This has now stopped after being regular for over 18 months. Not stayed with him for near on 6 months now.
Dd dad and I were never together so there's no after effects of break up etc.
Again my dd does show anxieties at times( mostly relating to dads anxieties or ones instigated by his behaviours)

I will be watching your thread with anticipation that someone will come up with something.

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