To feel sad that I’m too bloody tired to enjoy my kids?

[Username9876547]

2 DCs under 5 and I am absolutely exhausted every single minute of the day. I love my kids, they are the centre of my world, but I feel so sad that I’m too tired to really enjoy their company. All I think about is sleep and how I’m going to make it through the day. They are such lovely little boys and I want to spend more time with them but I don’t know how to get out of this relentless exhaustion. Is it always going to be like this?

I completely understand. I’ve got two under 3 and I often think like that. I’m not much help but I promise you’re not alone. I hate the fact that each day is a slog and I don’t feel like I’m doing them or me any good xx

I know exactly how you feel. Have you been to a gp and had any blood tests? I struggled on for years thinking that being shattered was part and parcel of having small children. Turned out I have pernicious anaemia which leads to extreme fatigue and other symptoms. There are lots of things that could be causing it, but it'd be good to rule out medical causes before you then tackle lifestyle causes.

How old are they exactly?
How are they sleeping? Routine? Night wakings?
Do you Work? Do you have a Partner? Other support?

No, it's not always going to be like this. Apologies for the barrage of questions but posters might be able to help. A 2 month old is very different to a 2 year old!

OP I could have written this. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and I told my husband the other day I feel like an outsider when they are all laughing together and I am not enjoying the moment because I am bone tired and just on this constant treadmill of what needs doing/tidying/washing/cooking/school runs/nighttime wake ups.

I am exhausted and miserable.

Then we realised the last time I actually had a day without the kids was a year ago. He is going to take a days AL and I am buggering off to a spa to just relax and get my mojo back. And not talk to anyone.

If you are a SAHM it is far too easy to end up in the endless cycle of tasks and jobs and sometimes when it's taking its toll the kids can seem like a chore too which is awful when you want to enjoy them and do activities together but you're too knackered.

I would strongly advise you to get a day to yourself doing something you like sharpish. I'm not going to the spa for a couple of weeks but just knowing I will have 10 hours to myself has given me a sense of relief. Sounds like you just need a break too.

I sympathise OP and I second seeing your GP and having some blood tests.

Go easy on yourself

Strax I had blood tests a few months ago and they came back clear.

I feel so jealous of these celebrities and rich people that can afford nanny care while they relax. I wish I had the money to pay someone just to look after the boys for a day so I could catch up on sleep! DP works 7 days a week and he does what he can, but childcare is mostly my responsibility. I’m so foggy headed, I just need to sleep

DCs are 2 and almost 5. Very good sleepers so it’s not night wakings that are making me tired. I’m a SAHM and I love being with them but I just wish I wasn’t so tired. It makes me sad that I’m not fully able to appreciate how wonderful they are because I’m so damn tired

How much sleep are you getting? Do you get a break?

I know exactly how you feel. Mine are 3 and 5 and even now I still feel like I'm on the treadmill with them. Although it is getting easier, especially now DS1 is in school and DS2 gets funded hours. I also work part time evenings and feel like my days are never ending. It's all go with the kids and then off to work!

Is there anyway DP can change his hours or get some time off? Is there anyone else that can watch them to give you a break? I honestly couldn't do it all by myself. DH always gets up early and takes the boys out on a Sunday so I can have a bit of chill out time to myself. We are also fortunate to have family nearby to watch them in the evening or an afternoon so we can get out together.

Op l do understand , l had 2 under 2, but what saved me were strict routines, non negotiable, nap times strict bedtimes etc.....

work out how you want to structure your day around them, set up ma timed chart in the kitchen, talk them through it if they are old enough to understand and implement it ruthlessly!

Mine were always in bed by 6-7.30 depending on age so evenings were the essential relax time for me.

If you spend some time on this now it will really help.

Also can you eek out a bit of money monthly to pay a daytime babysitter, a day or 2 a month and you go and do something just for you?

We missed holidays for 3 years, so l could have a day a fortnight child free from 9-5pm, to get a dentist appointment, see a friend etc.

My DH has never helped at all ever....as he works long hours and travels a lot too, so l felt justified in having some little relief sometimes.

what tests did you have and what were the levels? if, for e.g the range for something is 1-10, your dr will say you're fine as long as you don't fall outside those. But you might feel awful if your level is 1, better if it's 5 and great if it's 10.

If your two are great sleepers then I kind of don't understand why you're so tired?

Can you not just go to bed at like 8pm for a couple of nights?

If you are and still this tired then definitely head back to your Dr.

It does get easier, mine are 4 and 7 now and in the last year I've started to feel so much less tired and more energized. I know you said they sleep through the night now but I genuinely think it can take at least a year of decent sleep to claw back some energy from several years of accumulated sleep deprivation. They will also start to become more self sufficient, and that also helps in that you won't feel like you are doing everything for everyone. Try to carve out some time for yourself too, self care is so important.

If your 2 are good sleepers, why so tired? Surely if they don’t wake at night you should be able to get a goods night sleep? If your struggling to sleep at night you need to get in a routine of winding down ( with no screens) then going to bed the same time every night. No caffeine late in the day either

How is your diet? Are you eating enough of the good stuff? Bad diet can make you feel tired and sluggish

Alcohol? Again too much of this can leave you feeling tired and sluggish.

I have 3 dc under 3 but they are good sleepers like yours and I find a good diet and a bedtime routine for me stops me feeling tired and sluggish. I use to be a terrible sleeper but the same bedtime each night and no screens or caffeine a few hours before bed has worked wonders

Could it be boredom, not lack of stuff to do but lack of mental stimulation. Not sure of an answer to this other than an hour or two childfree every few days/ week. It’s easy to spend spare time catching up with housework instead of doing something stimulating.
Try to get something interesting to plan/ think/ write/design when playing Lego again.

I only have one and at the moment feel I'm barely functioning. He is a shit sleeper though so I rearly have more than 3hrs stretches of undisturbed sleep. It's been almost 3 years! Work full time too..
DH helps but he sleeps through all the night wakings..
I have no idea how ppl manage with 2 or more. Another one would kill me.

If they sleep all night, don't you? You shouldn't be so tired.

I agree with checking the levels and what your results actually were. My GP said my ferritin level was fine at 20 when the range goes from 11-307 and 'optimal' is considered to be 80+.
Also check if you had B12 checked, it's not a standard part of the FBC. If you are sleeping all night and waking up tired, something's not right.

It will get easier, honest.

If you're sure you are getting a "normal" amount of sleep, look at other options. Do you have a local leisure centre with a creche? They can be quite good - leave them for an hour, even just have a coffee in the cafe and a bit of headspace. Getting out in the sun every day too if you don't already.

Your HV might be able to help you judge whether it might low mood rather than lack of sleep. Toddlers are just relentless. It's SO much easier when they learn to read.

Ill readily admit that I have left my toddler in the creche at Ikea not because I needed anything from Ikea but just so I could sit in the cafe and read my book and eat a cake for an hour.....
I feel your pain. No family of mine or my husbands in this country to babysit and moved to new area so no long term friends to do it...
Im a SAHM with a toddler and about to give birth to another. Husband works 13hr days.
The tiredness is real! Im hoping it will get better as my eldest goes into full time school.
Im worried all his first memories are going to be of him trying to wake me up from whatever chair or surface I have dozed off on....

I totally understand your feels xx

I take Feroglobin now which helps a lot tbh xx

and its not just physical tiredness its being emotionally drained. Toddlers have so much energy... if you are dealing with them every day from getting them up to putting them to bed, it does take its toll sadly. However much you love them their energy levels are sky high and they want pretty constant interaction... and then theres the stress of the stress of the responsibility of being on the constant look out for danger for them... the guilt of thinking you arent doing enough to engage them... its just exhausting

I would go back to the GP. This level of tiredness is unusual when you have children who sleep well and one is at school. Please go back and tell him/her how debilitating this tiredness is.

Do you sleep properly OP? I have fibromyalgia which affects the quality of sleep I have. I always feel tired and foggy headed. But I have the other symptoms associated with fibro too.

I feel the same, with a toddler and a newborn. When they are at their cutest, they are also at their neediest and most exhausting, often making it hard to enjoy as we'd like. Sometimes I find myself longing for them to be say 7 and 5, toilet trained and getting themselves up and dressed... then I get a nice dollop of guilt for wishing away the time into the mix!!!