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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to wake up in the morning.

24 replies

LoopyLou1981 · 17/05/2018 07:38

I’ve got 2 small children and all the youngest (15 months) does is scream at me. She screams if I pick her up, put her down, walk out of the room, play with her, leave her to it. Nothing calms her down and it’s non-stop. Calpol and teething powder do nothing.
The dr says there’s nothing clinically wrong.
AIBU to want to go to sleep at night and just never wake up. It’s finally broken me and it’s obviously something I’m doing wrong as everyone else says she’s a joy to look after. They’d be better off without me. I go to sleep every night dreading having to wake up and I hate it.

OP posts:
BlueSuffragette · 17/05/2018 07:43

Flowers please call your health visitor immediately for some support. You sound exhausted and depressed. Have you got any family support? Seek support today. Things will improve and you and your children can spend lots of good quality time together. Much love to you x

dontticklethetoad · 17/05/2018 07:44

I had one of those. I know its not help now, but it does get better.

They would not be better off without you. Go and see your gp. Xx

TalkFastThinkSlow · 17/05/2018 07:58

I agree with PPs. But it also sounds like you need a break. Can you manage childcare once or twice a week? Do you have a partner? Perhaps they can help more?

I'll be honest, I work full time and I find my weekends with DS feel harder than my weekdays at work. He's nearly 2 and we're already getting major tantrums! So I completely understand where you're coming from.

Original poster
LoopyLou1981 · 17/05/2018 08:04

I honestly have a pretty good support network. Their dad is with us but works full time and doesn’t get how much worse the screaming sounds when you’re on your own and my Mum pops round some days which is lovely.
I feel like I’m losing all confidence. I used to love getting them both out to classes and things. I’m supposed to be going to a soft play with them both today and the thought of standing there with a screaming child while everyone else’s play nicely terrifies me.
I know I’m being stupid. I’m just a bit broken at the moment xx

OP posts:
mydogmymate · 17/05/2018 08:08

You're not being stupid! It's the hardest job in the world being a parent. Could your mum take them out for a couple of hours to give you a break?
As pp's have said, you need to see the health visitor and your gp. Keep going, you're doing great Thanks

BuntyII · 17/05/2018 08:08

When you say screaming, is she angry/crying or just being noisy? Has she had a hearing test?

Original poster
LoopyLou1981 · 17/05/2018 08:15

She’s angry and crying. I don’t remember my toddler being like this so it’s conpletely thrown me.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 17/05/2018 08:24

They're all different. It's not you. Can you ask your mum to pop round for a couple of hours today while you go out on your own?

Mxyzptlk · 17/05/2018 08:31

Abandon any worry about how others might view your screaming child. They don't have to put up with it all the time, as you do. They'll cope.

If you've done everything you can, stop worrying. It's just a noise.

Can you arrange with your Mum, or anyone, to regularly give you a couple of hours away from the kids or at least from the screaming kid?

Leave the kids, or at least the screaming one, with your DH for a chunk of time when he's not at work.

Original poster
LoopyLou1981 · 17/05/2018 09:12

They probably would but I feel like this is my problem and why should others have to suffer the noise. She used to be such a happy little thing and I’d happily leave her with people then x

OP posts:
SquirrelWatcher · 17/05/2018 09:17

It is so hard, you need to seek what you need XX. What help can you get! XX

WhatsGoingOnEh · 17/05/2018 09:22

I'd try to get to the root of the screaming.

  • When did she change from being a "happy little thing"?
  • Is the anger triggered by anything specific? Keep notes for a few days to look for a pattern.
  • It's not her teeth, then - could she have a food allergy? Pain somewhere?

Good luck

IDearlyLoveALaugh · 17/05/2018 10:01

Mine are like this. I went back to work to get away from the constant screaming. When I have my days off we go out to big open spaces (playing fields/parks/beach) where
The screaming doesn't seem so bad and I can walk away and still have them within eyesight. Also I cut back/stopped her nap (seeing as how she would just start screaming as soon as she woke up anyway) and instead brought bedtime forward by an hour, sometimes more if she's tired.

My eldest was the same and now has grown out of it and I can actually start enjoying time with her.

Also I found it helped that I really tried to notice the moment in between the noise. When she is sitting on my lap transfixed by something, or playing nicely with her sister. I started saying to myself "look she IS happy. Right now" and (as cheesy as this sounds!) enjoying these moments and bringing them to my attention in a planned way. It helped me when I found myself beginning to panic and felt overwhelmed to remember these moments.

I also went to my gp and they helped a LOT

Mxyzptlk · 17/05/2018 10:03

Of course, the best thing would be to find out how to have a happy child again. You are doing your best with that but in the meantime, get all the help you can.

everyone else says she’s a joy to look after.
If that's true, it won't be a burden to anyone else who agrees to look after her to give you a break.

TyrannosaurusBexx · 17/05/2018 10:23

Give the kids to someone for the day, whether that's DH, DM or whoever just get away for a day. When I get like this I need a good chunk of time apart, I then come back and realise how much I've missed them all.

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder sometimes.

It's ok not to be coping, just use any resource you can to get better Thanks

Luisa27 · 17/05/2018 10:36

So sorry you’re feeling like this Loopy....you’re not alone and you’re certainly not the first mum to have experienced these feelings Flowers

First things first....make sure DC are safe and comfortable and take a big deep breath - and make yourself a cuppa if you can.

Are you able to call your Health Visitor? Do you have any sort of relationship with her? If you’re able I’d pick up the phone, call and explain to your HV exactly what you’ve told us. Don’t worry, they’ll have heard this many times before and won’t judge you. This is the first step to acknowledging you need a little help - which is utterly fine Smile - you’re being proactive.

In the interim, do you have a relative or good friend who you’d feel comfortable to ask to come over?

Luisa27 · 17/05/2018 10:41

PS Loopy - even if you don’t know your HV very well - or have lost touch - don’t worry- just pick up the phone and call your Health Centre - ask to speak to HV - if reception query this or say no one is available blah blah - briefly explain to reception you’re a mum alone with smalll children and you’re feeling pretty desperate and need to speak to your HV or GP or Practice Nurse urgently. Big hug to you - don’t be scared, you’ll get through this Loopy and we’re all here for you

lornathewizzard · 17/05/2018 10:46

OP you’re right in the middle of this so I know it’s hard to see , but you need to ask for and accept help. DH who works and your mum popping in for a cup of tea isn’t a good support network, it’s the basic we would all hope for. This is not all on you, it’s not ‘your problem’ and you need to reach out.

I’ve got two under 4 and at times it’s soul destroying. You need to try to get help, whether that’s the GP (I would strongly suggest this is a good idea) or asking family for help (really you should do both these things). Flowers

Luisa27 · 17/05/2018 10:48

You seem like a fabulous mum - it can be soul destroying if your little one cries constantly - sometimes just talking to a HV - not someone close to you, and therefore not emotionally invested in you - is much easier

abbsisspartacus · 17/05/2018 10:48

Put some music on and sing to it to be honest it helps

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 17/05/2018 10:52

Some babies are like this hey Sad
It could pass . And in all sincerity it could be the sign of something that will become clearer when she grows up . It’s very very hard and some degree or respite is needed so you don’t lose the will to live

If she behaves for other people could you consider working and getting her into some paid childcare

Look after yourself first . Some children can kill you . They don’t mean to and they. Any help it but this really isn’t sustainable for you and you MUST get some respite

Original poster
LoopyLou1981 · 17/05/2018 12:46

Well I got us all down to soft play and had a rant to a couple of friends which made feel a bit better. A few suggestions were the she’s got the terrible twos early so I’ve effectively got 2 terrible twos! Or that she’s got second child syndrome and she’s frustrated that she can’t do everything that her brother can.
Either way it was nice to get out and, even though she had a couple of major meltdowns, she did actually seem happy pottering about for a lot of it and at least my eldest got to have fun.
Thank you for all the replies. I wasn’t having the best of mornings xx

OP posts:
Joboy · 17/05/2018 21:57

When she screams have you felt her tummy if it tight she could have tummy ache older kids can have colic too.

Mxyzptlk · 18/05/2018 14:17

How's it going today, Loopy?

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