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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Antonio" my imaginary boyfriend - is this weird or totally normal? Reactions please?

27 replies

questionzzz · 17/05/2018 00:53

DS12 told me the other day that my boyfriend's name is Antonio, he is a history teacher at my workplace and we enjoy bitching about students together, he has a light tan and a "peppermint" beard (think he must mean salt and pepper) and he's a bit muscly.

I do not have a boyfriend named Antonio. I am not dating anybody. DS knows that (since he has asked me several times). I do not flirt with anybody in front of them. I do have a couple of male friends whom they have seen, but our relationship is quite conventional and non-romantic. I have been separated from kids' father for over 2 yrs and he lives in another country. He did something awful to the kids just before we separated (police were involved)- DS never talks to him, but he sometimes facetimes DD15 and sends her money if she asks (twice).

I have told DS that I am hoping to start dating at some point, (he asked), but I promise not to bring anybody home. He asks me several times if I am dating/when I am starting to date and remarks that "you are not allowed to go on Tinder".

Oh- btw I do not bitch about students in front of the kids! (but they probably have heard me rant about grammar and referencing to my colleagues!)

Sensible suggestions how to handle Antonio please- And the whole dating obsession!

OP posts:

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 17/05/2018 00:56

Antonio sound hot, you should date him :P

Aylarose · 17/05/2018 00:56

I'm really sorry I don't understand completely. Is your son just being funny by making up a fake boyfriend for you? Or?

Cat12321 · 17/05/2018 00:57

I don't think you've got anything to worry about here, OP. I think he's just messing around

Sounds like he's also got quite an imagination too, which is great

At least he's not completely against the idea of you dating!

Original poster

questionzzz · 17/05/2018 01:06

@Whyare yeah that's what I thought! I wish!

@Aylarose I think he is being funny- he is a bit of a "class clown", but I kinda wish he would get over my whole (non) dating thing.

OP posts:

DistanceCall · 17/05/2018 01:29

He is probably a bit worried about you, and perhaps feels guilty that you are not dating because of him or something like that.

He sounds like a very funny, imaginative boy

cafenoirbiscuit · 17/05/2018 03:47

We have an imaginary butler. I’ll send him over to you and Antoninio with a tray of drinks 🍸 🍸

wakemeupbefore · 17/05/2018 05:15

Banderas... just sayin'

wakemeupbefore · 17/05/2018 05:17

Wot happend there? Er... sorry, ignore the video bit but the linky is OK and gives one a warm glow first thing Thursday morning .

bridgetoc · 17/05/2018 05:20

What on earth is this fuckology about?

TheHulksPurplePanties · 17/05/2018 05:26

I totally thought this was going to be about the OP making up a boyfriend for herself. I was going to introduce her to my imaginary boyfriend Captain America. As it stands, I've no idea what's going on...her son is making up boyfriends?

Battleax · 17/05/2018 05:29

Possibly anxiety-driven humour?

Does it feel odd to him to be told that something significant will happen in your life at some point (you plan to date) but he won’t see it (you won’t bring them home) or maybe even know about it?

The last man that dated his mother (his father) caused a lot of pain. So it’s understandable that this feels a bit worrying to him.

Maybe just telling your DS that you’ll tell him when you date, will help?

Battleax · 17/05/2018 05:30

So, in short, I’d laugh and say “When I date, I’ll tell you. There’s no Antonio.”

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2018 05:47

Beneath the bravodo, does he want Antonio for you or for him? Or perhaps both? Children can tend to identify with the same sex parent. Your ex seems to have been a pretty crap role model. Is there anyone else available to bridge the gap sometimes for him or perhaps both of your children?

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2018 05:50

To add to my post, I’ve read online children, who are clowns are masking emotions and acting them out in humour. Apparently it’s one coping mechanism of children of narcissists.

ushuaiamonamour · 17/05/2018 10:17

Mummyoflittledragon I've read online that discolouration of the skin can be a warning sign, so if you have frecklesI hate to break it to youyou may have malignant melanoma. You might want to apologise to OP while you still have time.

OP, I'd enjoy playing along with it. 'Antonio wants to take me to Machu Picchu next week.' 'Antonio is running a marathon in support of Norwegian rainforests.' Sooner or later though I imagine it would be the likes of 'Antonio thinks you should take better care of your belongings'

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2018 10:28

@ushuaiamonamour
I was referring to the father. Did you read the op? The father did something awful to kids and the police were involved.

I owe an apology to no one and should have no red face

KhalliWalli · 17/05/2018 10:29

I have an imaginary accountant. His name is Abdul. I invented him because I run my own business (creative) and can't cope with awkward finance conversations. So I invented Abdul so that I could say, "hey, can you tell me when you will pay the invoice? Abdul is asking...". Or "yeah, the quote looks good, but I'll have to run it past Abdul."

And I agree - Antonio sounds hot .

MetalMidget · 17/05/2018 10:35

When we were little, my brother and I had a pretend dog. This was to try to guilt our parents into getting a real one. Sounds like your son is doing similar! :P

bibliomania · 17/05/2018 11:06

I love Antonio the imaginary boyfriend, but I think I love Abdul the imaginary accountant even more. I need more imaginary people in my life.

MindBodyChocolate · 17/05/2018 11:11

Your DS sounds a bit anxious about the possibility of you dating someone and this might be his way of trying to get used to the idea. Have you gently discussed that at some point you might date again?

Original poster

questionzzz · 17/05/2018 11:11

Thanks for the comments- yes I agree about the anxiety-driven humour! But I don't know how to reassure him without blatantly lying- I do plan to/want to date in the not to distant future, and it is meant to be private, right.

I just want him to stop talking and imagining about my (non-existent) dating life!
Off to work now - sadly no Antonio.

OP posts:

LARLARLAND · 17/05/2018 11:14

How dare you have an affair with my DH!

Luisa27 · 17/05/2018 13:48

What Battleax said

Luisa27 · 17/05/2018 13:53

...... what an utterly freakish unnecessary comment ushuaiaimonamour....how very odd.
Poor taste too

Well said @Mummyoflittledragon

Storm4star · 17/05/2018 13:56

I love the peppermint beard! My DS worried about me for a long time, in terms of him not wanting me to be alone once he and my DD grew up and moved out. I know he still has little niggles about it sometimes but has now accepted that I’m telling the truth when I say I am fine and happy alone.

Boys do worry about their mums. It just shows he cares about you. I would also probably just joke with him about it, and not worry about it too much.

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