Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask your thoughts on organ denation

433 replies

UnicornShapedCloud · 16/05/2018 20:44

I have been thinking alot recently about organ donation after watching a programme about it.

I have really mixed feelings about it,

Whats your views on donating your own or your DC organs after death?

OP posts:
kinseymilhone · 17/05/2018 09:32

I'm sorry I haven't read the whole thread as this is still an upsetting topic for me...

10 years ago I had to sign the forms to donate my husband's organs after a car accident. He believed in organ donation. I believed in organ donation and still do. But you know what? Despite our beliefs, when it came down to it, I really struggled. I didn't want to share him with anyone. In grief and shock I became selfish and wanted to keep him all to myself. No one could save him, so why should he save anyone else?

I signed the forms, of course I did. However, it did not bring me the sort of comfort other people speak of. I have accepted now, with the buffer of a decade, that the end of his life gave new life and hope to other people and that that is a good thing. I wish them well and hope they know long and happy lives themselves. However, I have never had any desire to know how many people were helped or with which organs. I believe my in-laws know and it has brought them some comfort.

So really what I'm saying is you cannot (and hopefully will never have to) prepare yourself for the emotions that are involved when you are put in this position. It is very easy to judge from afar.

Gromance02 · 17/05/2018 09:36

I definitely believe that if an opt-out system is implemented, if you opt-out, then you should not be eligible to receive an organ. Either you believe in organ donation or you don't. You can't have it both ways. I'd rather donate to an alcoholic that had knackered their liver than to someone that had opted out of organ donation.

Whowouldfardelsbear · 17/05/2018 09:45

My husband had a heart transplant four years ago - he would be dead otherwise. One of the valves in his faulty heart was used to save a baby.

chattymum - with skin they take it from the back of your legs and it is used as dressing for serious burns victims. Apparantly it can really help with healing and reducing scarring. They do not skin your whole body, and it is done in a way that you can still have an open coffin if you wish. Skin is also one of those organs that can be donated a while after death and by dome people whose organs would otherwise be unsuitable.

windermerebell · 17/05/2018 09:47

Those few who say they would not donate would you accept an organ. Not having a go just wondering what your rational is as a serious question?

Hont1986 · 17/05/2018 09:57

I'm signed up to donate everything.

I'd also not respect the wishes of a family member not to, if the decision came down to me. They're not using it anymore, help the living.

mamahanji · 17/05/2018 09:59

I think if you would accept an organ, you should be willing to give an organ.

We are all registered. If something happens to myself or my kids, why wouldn't I want something awful to become something positive for someone else?

Seems needlessly selfish. No you can't have my kidney, I'm going to burn it and throw it in the sea with the rest of my no longer needed body...

Gromance02 · 17/05/2018 10:26

And if you opt-out for religious reasons, absolutely fair enough. But if you would expect your child to be saved by a donor, well, I have no words as to what a despicable person that would make you. You'd let another child die but not your own? Vile.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 17/05/2018 10:27

You can have anything of mine if I’m dead. I want to be cremated so take my skin and bones for grafts as well.

I would also allow my child’s organs to be harvested for donation but I don’t want to think about that too much.

Snowysky20009 · 17/05/2018 10:32

I'm in wales and neither me or dp have opted out and my dc are happy for their organs to be donated too.

The one I struggle with though is a a kidney transplant. Someone asked me if a friend needed one and I was a match would I donate. My answer is no. Because my worry would be, what if my dc needed one and I was a match, but I'd given it away? Does that sound stupid?

BedtimeTea · 17/05/2018 10:34

QueenOfMyWorld, you would be in an entire new body if you were reborn.

itstimeforanamechange · 17/05/2018 10:46

I am a bit queasy about an opt-out system but I don't think relatives should be able to overrule someone's wishes if they opted in - if you've said you're happy for any or all of your organs to be donated, that should be the end of the story.

If you don't think your organs will be suitable you could donate your body to medical science - I wish my father had, he had Parkinsons so it might have been very useful to researchers. But I could not do it on his behalf after his death (whereas I might have been asked about eg his corneas if they had been suitable).

Andro · 17/05/2018 11:10

I've always been in favour of organ donation and I have been in the position, with my dh, of making the decision to donate a loved one's organs. The appalling way we were treated, my DSIL (donor) discussed and the already distressing process exacerbated made me question my beliefs.

I still believe in organ donation, I hope I would be able to consent if put in that position again (except in relation to DS, who is very clear in his views) but the truth is there is a part of me that questions if I could face it again. In my heart I know we made the right call and several people are alive because of it, but we also did a monumental amount of damage without intending to.

Kittykatmacbill · 17/05/2018 11:13

Why on earth would you not?

sashh · 17/05/2018 11:22

Largely yes - do you get to choose which organs you do and don’t want to donate, does anyone know?

Yes.

I don't want my reproductive organs used.

Due to many medical conditions my organs might not be of use, in that case my body goes to a medical school.

specialsubject · 17/05/2018 11:23

well, surprise surprise - that site full of nonsense is written by a god botherer with a revoltingly large number of children.

show me an atheist who wants organ donation stopped. I'll show you the invisible man.

Trinity66 · 17/05/2018 11:25

I'm absolutely for it and can't see any good or logical reason not to. I'm not religious but my view is that if you do donate your own or a loved ones organs isn't that really them living on after death?

CaliforniaDream · 17/05/2018 11:25

@Queenoftheblitz cathmidston has linked to an article which cites Dr Byrne as evidence - the same Dr Byrne you linked to in your first link. The discredited one, whose research is biased and unsupported by evidence.

Don't you think it's telling that you haven't been able to find a single reputable source for what you are suggesting?

My point here is that not all information is equal. If the only evidence you can provide in support of your view is biased, inaccurate and misleading, it shouldn't be presented as an equivalent to medical consensus backed by thousands of doctors and supported by proper scientific testing.

The information is out there for anyone to read, and in this era of misinformation and fake news it's your responsibility to apply your critical thinking skills to what you read. It's your responsibility to check the agenda of the author, to see if what you are reading has been peer reviewed or published in a respected journal. It's your responsibility to see where the scientific consensus lies, and to assess whether you accept that one person (with strong religious motivations and no evidence) is more likely to be right than thousands of doctors in agreement with each other? It's your job to assess the information you receive, not just blindly accept what you see.

lovetheway · 17/05/2018 11:25

They didn't even allow one tiny piece of him to live and that makes me so bloody sad they literally let everything go. For me it was about letting others live. It was about keeping my brother alive in others. And we didn't.

That's exactly how I feel about my mum's death. It was very sudden and unexpected - and perhaps organ donation wasn't possible. But I wish the medical staff had brought it up - it would be some consolation.

I can't donate organs but I have a rare medical condition so want to donate my body for research.

Queenofthestress · 17/05/2018 11:28

I've been on the donor register as soon as I was able, it is more than likely that my sister will need a kidney in the future years, I'm a full match. Also signed up to donate both my kids organs if they died during childbirth

Andro · 17/05/2018 11:29

Why on earth would you not?

Grief, pain, denial, shock, trauma - all a function of a sudden and unexpected death.

Overwhelming trauma from seeing/hearing vast chunks of harvesting prep being managed so badly, and with so little respect for donor or family, that it has caused a phobic level response to the very concept (my ds; the trauma has also messed with the grieving process and made a devastating situation even worse, to the point of being a ptsd trigger for him)

Racecardriver · 17/05/2018 11:31

I would find find it difficult to donate DCs organs, there isn't really much head suave to think about other people when you lose someone, but I know that it is the right thing to do.

CaliforniaDream · 17/05/2018 11:33

Overwhelming trauma from seeing/hearing vast chunks of harvesting prep being managed so badly, and with so little respect for donor or family, that it has caused a phobic level response to the very concept

This is so sad - it's 100% on hospitals to manage this process more respectfully if it's currently so traumatic it's (understandably) putting people off. I understand that it's never going to be a pretty process, but support and empathy for the grieving family must be at the heart of it.

WelshWitch7 · 17/05/2018 11:35

I've opted to have my body used for scientific research. I've explained this to my children, as there would be no funeral. They are perfectly happy with my decision.

GlueSticks · 17/05/2018 11:36

I am disgusted that family members are allowed to override clearly expressed wishes.

Once a person is dead and therefore eligible to donate it is living people who become the priority. That include the dead person's relatives. I want to donate my organs, and my family are aware of this. However, it is with the strict proviso that if it would add to DM's distress then she has my complete support to say no. If relatives were no longer able to make the final decision I would opt out of the organ donor register and make it totally my family's choice. My priority, even after my death, is my family.

I have never lost a child myself, but I have watched others live through that pain and I would never, ever judge someone for wanting to bury or cremate their child's whole body.

Stephisaur · 17/05/2018 11:44

I've read this thread with interest.

I am not currently opted in to organ donation. As I grow older, I see that it is a wonderful thing but to me it still seems 'odd.' I think a lot of this stems from the fact that nobody I know has ever given/received an organ.

My parents are also very much against it, for reasons they can't fully articulate, which I feel has influenced me.

Oddly, I think I would feel less weird about a system that you 'opt out' of, rather than needing to opt in. I guess that's a psychological distinction regarding what is 'normal.' I certainly wouldn't opt out, even though I'm hesitant to opt in.

@Ohyesiam that study sounds very interesting. I would be interested to read it if you ever come across it again!

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.