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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask your thoughts on organ denation

433 replies

UnicornShapedCloud · 16/05/2018 20:44

I have been thinking alot recently about organ donation after watching a programme about it.

I have really mixed feelings about it,

Whats your views on donating your own or your DC organs after death?

OP posts:
DiamondsBestFriend · 17/05/2018 15:52

The problem with these discussions is that those who are so pro organ donation shout down anyone else who doesn’t feel as they do and so a balanced discussion is impossible. Even though there are people on this thread who have been through the process and have experienced anything but the compassionate empathetic response which the television programmes talk about.

Clearly organ donation is a fantastic thing when it is handled correctly, and from my own point of view I’ll be dead and they can take what they want although I doubt with my health problems much will be worth having. But it’s a conversation I did end up having with my family a couple of years ago after I ended up unexpectedly on life support with the possibility of no return.

But I think it’s one which my mum will struggle with if the time happened and at the end of the day they’re the ones left living with the decision not me.

And very clearly judging by the comments on this thread harvesting is not this dignified compassionate process which people use as a justification to shout down anyone who is not in favour of donation. That needs to be very clearly thought through and discussed without the victims being shouted down.

As for those stating that you shouldn’t be allowed to receive an organ unless you would be prepared to donate, where does that end? Not prepared to donate sperm/eggs/embrio’s? Not entitled to IVF then. Play sport? No orthopaedic treatment entitlement then or cruciate ligament treatment.

Had a fault accident? No blood transfusion for you then? Have a cancer which is lifestyle induced? Sorry, no treatment there. The NHS could save millions, but somehow I don’t think that people would agree with that. Much, much easier to throw out a statement you know you’re never likely to have to follow through.

For a site which blatantly promotes bodily autonomy the black and white blinkered view on this by some is astounding.

Presumably then Jimmy Saville did no wrong by doing what he did to dead bodies? Or alderhey in the organs scandall where they retained children’s organs for years? Because you should apparently lose your bodily autonomy when you die.

FWIW I know people on the donor register who say that they would never ever want to receive an organ from someone whose organs were harvested against their’s or their family’s wishes. It would feel like stealing from the dead.

And as a last point, while I am still prepared to donate my organs in the event of my untimely death, I wish my family, the ones who actually know me to be able to make that decision rather than handing over my bodily autonomy to the state which is a slippery slope IMO. So given the family still have the overriding say, if opt-out becomes law in the UK I will be opting out.

Tiredspice2 · 17/05/2018 16:17

Organ donation should be compulsory. In my opinion, arguments against are not good enough. Living people should always take precedence over the dead.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 17/05/2018 16:31

What about the mental distress of the person's relatives?

Are they supposed to just get over it if it's something they are strongly against happening?

OutsideContextProblem · 17/05/2018 16:39

What about the mental distress of the family of the patient on death row desperately waiting for a transplant?

fulltimeworkingmotherof4 · 17/05/2018 16:39

This is something really close to my heart. My DS 33 died last year after 3 failed liver transplants and my cousin is in renal failure for the 3rd time, waiting to hear if she can have a 3rd kidney transplant. That programme on the other night about people waiting for heart transplants was heartbreaking. You don't need your organs when you're dead, I'd love to think I could offer life after death.

Bbbbbbbb2017 · 17/05/2018 16:42

I would take one so I would donate. I would also donate my children's I couldn't imagine the heart break of a family desperate for an organ when my child wont live regardless

Andro · 17/05/2018 16:42

Living people should always take precedence over the dead.

True, but in the case of organ donation (and the clue is in the name, donation not appropriation) there's more than one set of living people to consider - and playing top trumps over precedence is beyond distasteful.

MrsPotatoHeadIsMyIdol · 17/05/2018 16:42

@Gudgyx that is absolutely beautiful!

specialsubject · 17/05/2018 16:43

i suspect many of the antis will be like the family of Ronald Reagan. he was against stem cell research and so were they. then he got dementia and all of a sudden attitudes changed.

if you are against donation, refuse to donate. but you must then have the balls to refuse any transplant or donated blood.and just die as a result. happy with that?

attempting to correlate this with those who cant donate is obviously hard of thinking.

expatinscotland · 17/05/2018 16:44

My thoughts are that it's one's personal business whether or not he/she donates, I don't judge anyone for whatever decision they make and don't want to live in a place where the state dictates what control you have over your own body.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 17/05/2018 16:45

What about the mental distress of the family of the patient on death row desperately waiting for a transplant?

Why is one more important than the other?

Organ donation should always be a gift.

mostdays · 17/05/2018 16:46

I would agree to the donation of any of my immediate family's organs if asked: all the adults I know for a fact would want it. I have never asked my dc, they're not old enough for that discussion, but I would want to donate theirs too in the hope that another family wouldn't go through that awful loss.

I say I would- of course you don't know for sure what you'd do until you're in that situation, but I have always been very much for organ donation so hopefully I'd stick to that when it came to it.

SnookieSnooks · 17/05/2018 16:46

Just sign up to the donation register. Trust me, you won’t miss your organs when you’re dead.

CaliforniaDream · 17/05/2018 16:46

I think that however great the anguish of the family of a dead person, however distressing the thought of their organs being donated is, it can't compare to the distress of a family who lose a loved one because a donor isn't available.

I think it's important that concerns about the process are addressed - it should be respectful and the families of the deceased should be cared for and supported.

But their grief isn't really about organs. It's about the loss of a loved one and the inability to let go in the moment. And I'm not disputing that those feelings are powerful and traumatic, but they simply aren't a valid reason for allowing another person to die.

Organ donation should be opt-out, and the family of the deceased should have no rights of any kind to go against the wishes of their family member.

CaliforniaDream · 17/05/2018 16:49

Why is one more important than the other?
It has nothing to do with whose grief can be prevented and everything to do with the fact that a person's life is at stake.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 17/05/2018 16:51

As for those stating that you shouldn’t be allowed to receive an organ unless you would be prepared to donate, where does that end? Not prepared to donate sperm/eggs/embrio’s? Not entitled to IVF then. Play sport? No orthopaedic treatment entitlement then or cruciate ligament treatment

The one isn't the same as the other - playing sport, or other high risk activities, meaning you shouldn't get treatment is a finance-based argument when it's raised (and fwiw I'm not in favour of it).

Asking whether you'd be prepared to accept organs is a moral question, and if your answer is yet then that should guide you to the answer that you should then be prepared to donate or let your loved ones donate.

One's utilitarian, the other is about morality.

Hmmalittlefishy · 17/05/2018 16:51

Myself and dh are on the register to donate and I would have to hope if anything happened to the dc that in that most awful moment of grief we would donate their organs too.
I understand how difficult and unreal a situation it is though and I think people need to think on this thread about what it actually means and not be so hard on those who don't want to donate
I lost my best friend while she waited for a transplant I miss her everyday. She was the least selfish person and would give anyone anything but in the end there was noone giving for her. Sad

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 17/05/2018 16:56

It has nothing to do with whose grief can be prevented and everything to do with the fact that a person's life is at stake

It's not an easy situation even when you choose to donate your loved ones organs. Could you imagine the state claiming your loved ones body the second they die or are declared brain dead and all your choices are taken from you at a time when hour whole world has just been snatched away anyway?

No way would I want the state to decide to take my child's organs. It was my choice, I'm still his mum regardless.

patstar · 17/05/2018 17:03

my dan donated his organs - heart - went to a 52 year old man, kidneys, liver, even skin (he had lovely skin) for burns victims. His bone marrow was also used

patstar · 17/05/2018 17:05

meant 'dad'

Rikalaily · 17/05/2018 17:07

I am on the register and so are my 5 kids, no.6 is due soon and he'll be put on the donation register at the same time as I register him at the GP.

If you would accept an organ for yourself or children then you should be a donor.

Sallystyle · 17/05/2018 17:07

I am happy to donate my organs.

I don't like the line of thought that people should not receive if they aren't willing to give at all. It would be a shit storm. People should receive based on clinical needs, not morals. It isn't at all ethical to believe someone shouldn't receive an organ if they aren't willing to donate theirs. That's coercion.

I also do not agree with an opt out system.

I had a situation with a family member who died and they were going to use his organs. The situation did not go well at all and they couldn't use them in the end. Those closest to him really struggled with how it played out and it is not always a simple decision as many people think. It was pretty awful actually, handled badly and was far from simple.

If I wasn't so sure of my decision some of these comments would probably turn me off being on the register. I say that on every one of these threads.

People who think organ donation should be compulsory make me feel a bit ill to be honest. Donate your organs if you want (and can of course) but don't tell others what they should do. You don't have a right to tell someone what they should do with their body because you think it is the right thing to do.

Teateaandmoretea · 17/05/2018 17:08

California are you for real jeez Shock Deceased donors are usually people who were walking round healthy and well the day before. The shock for families is horrific. They are dead/ nearly dead, the other person although sick is still alive.

CaliforniaDream · 17/05/2018 17:13

It's not an easy situation even when you choose to donate your loved ones organs. Could you imagine the state claiming your loved ones body the second they die or are declared brain dead and all your choices are taken from you at a time when hour whole world has just been snatched away anyway?

But it's not your choice. You don't own the body of your dead relative. If they have agreed to donate, your views on the subject should have no bearing on that.

It's different with children - you make the decision for them. But in an opt-out system you could still decide not to allow them to be donors. And if you feel strongly enough about organ donation to not want it, you ought to be able to take the simple step of opting out.

lynmilne65 · 17/05/2018 17:16

Yes have carried a card for years

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