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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know IABU. But I need to vent about how shit building work is!

14 replies

pigmcpigface · 16/05/2018 18:13

So DH and I are at the end of around 9 months of pretty fucking awful major building work.

During the whole time, as the default home-worker (I'm a freelance editor/writer and a part-time academic), I've been the one project managing, having difficult conversations etc. I'm also the one who has been sitting here in the bloody freezing cold when it was snowing and there was no heating or lighting. DH has airily breezed out of the door at 7am every day, before anything started, returning at 6 or 7 at night, by which time I am usually sitting shell-shocked in the middle of a room, covered with settling dust and requiring wine. It's really affected my work and my ability to get things done - it's very hard to focus when you've got four plasterers blasting Heart FM and yelling questions up the stairs at you.

We're nearly there. But we are currently having some joinery done (fitted cupboards) and it's been really difficult. There's been delay after delay. The guy who is fitting them is young, inexperienced, disorganised and frankly a bit chaotic. Having had months of difficult conversations, I'm feeling pretty low about having to have another load with him. I actually cried buckets yesterday because I just couldn't face any more of this. I just wanted my house and my space back. I can't explain how I feel - kind of blank, really. Worn out.

DH did the 'Ah, ah, there, there' thing and promised to have words with the guy today. But he hasn't. Instead, he's in the bloody pub!! (I can see this because we are both on each other's Google Trusted Contacts).

AIBU to feel absolutely indignant at this? I realise I sound like the worst kind of controlling person, and that my reaction is stupidly vivid compared to the tiny offence. But I feel absolutely gutted that I'm still here, still dealing with the same old shit, and he's in the University boozer.

Rant over!

OP posts:
N0tfinished · 16/05/2018 18:20

Oh I get you. If I were you I'd LOSE MY SHIT. Mightn't help, but there you go. We did a lot of work 2 years ago & Im still not over it. One of the floors warped almost immediately but I just couldn't bring myself to call the builder back to repair it.

pigmcpigface · 16/05/2018 18:23

Notfinished - I am now convinced that there are two kinds of people in this world. People who have been through major building work, and people who haven't. You can tell the former by the intense, crazy fear that comes into their eyes when the subject of bricklaying is broached.

Seriously, though, it is actually comforting to hear that I'm not alone in struggling with this.

OP posts:
Caspiana · 16/05/2018 18:27

I am 38 weeks pregnant and just coming to the end of having an extension built. Never again. Totally sympathise with you.

pigmcpigface · 16/05/2018 18:28

Caspiana - Wow, I have nothing but TOTAL RESPECT for a woman who does this when pregnant. It's bad enough when you're not growing a tiny person inside you!

OP posts:
BlossomCat · 16/05/2018 18:31

I can sympathise with your pain, over the last year, we have had a few major jobs done, this week, our bathroom is being replaced, it's only taken 7 days so far, and the last day tomorrow and I'm exhausted with the whole thing. The conversations, the dust and having your space invaded is draining. Each job then leads on to something else...
I keep telling myself it will be worth it when it's over, but at this moment, I'm fed up with it all!
FlowersCakeBrew to you! (But none for the incompetent joiner)

pigmcpigface · 16/05/2018 18:34

I am crazily close to just losing my shit with DH when he walks through the door in the next half hour or so. Trying to recompose myself with Youtube videos. But right now, I just want to push DH into the soothing water on the Mindfulness Meditation.

OP posts:
EmmaC78 · 16/05/2018 18:38

I am in the middle of a building project at the moment. The money has run out so I am living with a half finished ensuite, a kitchen with no drainage and no carpets or flooring. Sometimes I do feel really low and I think it affects day to day life more than people realise. My house is a no go zone in terms of guests and will be for the foreseeable furure.

NeedForBlossom · 16/05/2018 18:46

Friends of DM offered to pain our bedroom.

They were the slowest workers in the world and it took them a week. I cried when I saw they had painted our new radiator to match the walls.

There is no way I could cope with major building works. Hats off to you all Wine

NeedForBlossom · 16/05/2018 18:47

Ha! Paint not pain Blush

Unsureneighbour · 16/05/2018 19:04

I absolutely understand, and with Caspiana as well. We started building work that should have finished when I was 33 weeks pregnant. We got the house into a liveable state the DAY before I gave birth, and that was only by piling massive pressure on the builder telling him I was about to have a baby! We still have a snagging list to go through plus masses of redecoration but I can't face it until I've recovered from the birth (currently have tiny newborn snuggled on my chest).

We've been through everything with it - gradually more and more heavily pregnant, living with a toddler with all his toys packed away, no kitchen, no front door, DH working away (and taking a week long ski holiday Hmm), huge snowfall delays, giant hole in the side of the house with 3ft of snow coming in, major supplier issues etc. I spent A LOT of time in tears, living out of a bag at my parents' house an hour from our house, eating McDonald's, with my toddler going nuts as everything was so all over the place. And every time I got really stressed I got myself all worried about the baby. The builder had the audacity to tell me it was such a stressful job for him. I had to seriously control myself when responding.

Ugh I feel sick thinking back to it but that was cathartic writing it down. Grin

Flowers to all other fellow renovation survivors. It's not like it is on 60 minute makeover!

bridgetosomewhere · 16/05/2018 19:18

Our barn conversion was finished three weeks before I had dd
It was a nightmare getting it done and although I didn’t have to live in it, it was awful having to deal with at the time.
Unreliable builders, shitty attitudes.

First night in new house was amazing tho!

LurkingQuietly · 16/05/2018 19:59

I hear you. Our builders left last week when I was 37 weeks pregnant and I've done everything before, during and since including daily project managing with a 4 and 2 year old, getting decorated, getting carpet down, snagging and organising and buying all new furniture. My DH (D in this case definitely stands for dickhead) has just got in and moaned that my dad has put together the drawers we bought in IKEA today. You know, being fucking helpful?! But apparently DH wanted to do it himself. But didn't breath a word to me beforehand when I was going through the list of stuff I intended to buy. Gah. I feel better for a rant though, thank you. Have wine, OP. Lots.

pigmcpigface · 16/05/2018 20:14

"and taking a week long ski holiday"

Now if I'm losing my shit over DH being in the pub, I cannot even IMAGINE how I would react to that. He'd be a lucky man to be able to walk, I think.

Lurking - It's been hard yakka for me, and I don't have kids. I think if you're not the person primarily dealing with the work, you pretty much forfeit all right to complain about ANY help that is profeered and accepted. They're drawers. Tell him to go play with some Lego or something. Grin

The guy doing the units is STILL here. I'm trying to get organised for a massive trip (volunteering-related) around drills, saws and dust everywhere. Angry

OP posts:
Natr2610 · 16/05/2018 20:24

Renovations are so stressful. I really sympathise with you having project managed our build with minimal help from the hubby, plus work and dealing with 2 kids. It is STRESSFUL. We certainly had our downs and started taking it out on each other towards the end instead of the builders. It is so hard.
However... You have done 9 months and you are nearly there! Your house will be beautiful and it will be worth it all. Keep positive and be strong. You have done amazingly to project manage it and you should b proud of yourself. Many couldnt. Well done xx

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