To want a baby

[forgettinghowtofly]

Even though I don’t have a partner.

It’s mad, isn’t it

Thing is it largely depends on their personality and the way you frame it. There are so many different dynamics in families: 2 mothers, 2 fathers, aunts etc + siblings or grandparents raising families and whatever else in-between. A child not having a father won't really be all that remarkable.

Just because you use a donor, there's nothing to say your baby will grow up without a father - you could meet someone wonderful after you get pregnant/give birth. And even if you don't, there are thousands of wonderful single parents out there who do a great job raising their children alone. Do you have close family who would be around to help you?

I’m not sure. I agree there are plenty of single parent families but to not actually know your father is what I’m not sure about. I don’t have any extended family either.

I know two women who have children by sperm donors. Kids both happy as are the women. Children need a happy, stable home and that can absolutely be with one parent. Go for it! YANBU!

Also my husband never knew his father. Not bothered in the least!

I don't know. I reckon fathers are overrated! I grew up quite happily without one (he left when I was a baby so no memories of him at all). I don't feel like I missed out and to be honest lots of kids were in single parent homes or in blended families. It's really nothing out of the ordinary and as long as the child is loved then it doesn't matter what the family situation is - they will be happy.

I think it's more complex than "some kids will be bothered by having no father and some kids won't." What a child may feel can vary throughout their lifetime. A friend of mine has a donor conceived son. As a young child he was fine about it, at 12/13 he really wasn't. Now at 16 and some counselling later he's ok about it - who knows what the future will bring?

Oh and I think one thing we have learned from adoption is that knowing your biological roots is important to a large number of people. Not that need preclude donor insemination but it does suggest its more ethical to use a donor service where children can get information about their donor at 18.

Look, it hasn't happened yet, but sooner or later someone will come along and berate you for considering something so selfish, and that it's inhumane to raise a child without a father.
Can you cope with this and develop a thick skin?
Your child MAY resent you. Your child MAY feel different/lacking. Or it might all work out beautifully. You just don't know and a lot depends on the child's own personality.
There are a sizeable group of single mothers by choice these days (including me). You won't be alone. Most of us think it was the best thing we ever did

DP doesn't know his father. He doesn't even know what the circumstances around his conception were - was his mum in a relationship, ONS, something more sinister? No idea. In any case, he's not bothered in the slightest. He had/has a strong father figure in his uncle, who now even treats DD like his grandchild. DP is a wonderful and very hands-on father, which I'm sure is a result of how he was brought up.

I know my father, my parents were married for 20odd years. He was always away for work, and even when he wasn't he was working (and still is 11 hour days. He was never really around, even on holiday he used to be preoccupied by his work (you can see why my parents divorced). I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have noticed any different if he wouldn't have been around at all - my mum did everything.

So what I'm saying is - no, children don't need a dad. I think they benefit from a male in their lives, but it doesn't need to be their dad.
Do you have any family around to help you? Eg for childcare- especially once they get to school age it's difficult to do alone when working full-time.

I think not knowing your father because they buggered off or died before you were born is a bit different from not knowing who your father is because in the social sense of the word you don’t actually have one.

That said OP any child you have in this way may not feel the lack.

Gosh I'm surprised people see fathers as so unimportant... I'd share the same concerns as you OP to be honest. It's one thing having a baby with a man and he leaves you or something happens the relationship, but to knowingly and purposely bring a child into the world without a dad seems cruel and somewhat selfish to me. I know it's not the same thing, but would you consider adoption? I understand the longing to have your own child though, and I'm sure many children grow up just fine without a strong father figure when they have a great mother who loves them. I'm possibly projecting as my own dad is pretty rubbish and I can't say it hasn't affected me and my siblings. I'm not being much help here - sorry OP! It's your life at the end of the day so once the decision sits well with your conscience that's all that matters. Best of luck whatever you decide

'I know it's not the same thing, but would you consider adoption? '

The child will still not have a father. WHY do people always trot this out when a person comes on here and says she/he wants a child? Don't you think if she wanted to adopt she'd have done so? Why is she less entitled to have a child than anyone else?

Op i am planning on having a baby via sperm donor. Check the donor boards i have been reading them. Full of lovely helpful advice. If you want to chat im in a similar/same place as you.

As long as the child is loved and secure and knows that they are donor conceived so no father i dont see why they would miss something they dont have. As opposed to having a father that dies or leaves them. Do.you have good family support op?

No opinion on how it might impact the child (plenty of happy, well-adjusted children in single parent families) but being a parent is SO MUCH HARDER than I ever could have imagined (and I imagined it would be pretty tough!) and I would never willingly go through it alone, especially without extended family nearby. If it was a choice between that or not having children personally I'd go for not having children. Though I suppose it depend one whether you feel life can be fulfilling without having a child (I believe it absolutely can).

Absolutely no judgement on anyone who is a single parent (other than massive admiration) and I have no doubt their experience of parenting is incredibly rewarding and they have no regrets. Just offering a different perspective.