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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let path become unusable

157 replies

ALiensAbductedMe · 16/05/2018 15:50

I live in a terraced property, I am at the end. The other properties have access to their homes from the front and via a path across the back of my garden, which when I moved in was only separated from my garden by an ankle height flimsy picket fence. The path is separate to my garden and I do not use it or have rights to it according to the deeds. When we bought the house 2 years ago we were told my the previous owner that it is hardly ever used by the neighbours.

Even so I didn't like the idea of the neighbours being able to walk past our private garden and see in whenever they fancied so I erected fencing to shut it off. Since then it has become overgrown and virtually unusable.

The other day one of the neighbours had a sofa devivered and needed it taken round the back, obviously when they tried this wasn't possible due to waist height growth of brambles. The neighbour knocked on the door rather irate asking why I hadn't told them about the path not being usable. I explained I fenced the path off two years ago and it is nothing to do with me.

He started demanding that I let the sofa people climb over into my garden and take the sofa in that way, which I would have happily allowed if he hadn't muttered that I was a stupid tart. When I asked him to repeat he said that before I moved in the previous occupant had maintained the pathway and kept it clear in return for being able to use it to have a bigger garden most of the time and that I should have told him I was going to fence it off like that as he would have done it himself and that it was dangerous as firemen etc wouldn't be able to get round. I see his point, but it's not my path, now is fenced off from my garden and if he wanted it maintained he should have done it himself or at least spoken to me to see what I wanted to do.

So was I unreasonable not to maintain the path, not tell the other neighbours I wasn't maintaining it, and fencing it off?

DH thinks I was unreasonable not letting the sofa delivery guys have access, as in the end they couldn't deliver as it wouldn't go through the front door, but I was so angry he called me a stupid tart and was shouting in front of my kids...

OP posts:
Collaborate · 16/05/2018 23:07

@Willow2017
In all likelihood OP is the owner of the path. In terraced houses it is quite common to have an arrangement whereby each home owner has a ROW over the gardens of the others so that they can access their garden without going through their house. The developer never wants to retain ownership of a sliver of land. The end property is left with not needing a ROW but having their garden subject to one.

In OP's case she decided to fence it off, which is quite normal.

Owning the path doesn't mean OP is obliged to look after it. She isn't. On the other hand, everyone with the benefit of a ROW has the power to maintain it, and that could mean keeping it clear of weeds or resurfacing it. No one can force OP to clear, resurface or do anything other than not obstruct the ROW. Permitting vegetation to grow on the ROW is not obstruction.

Oh, and OP's H needs to give his head a wobble.

RachelTeeth · 17/05/2018 00:00

The man should have been told the sofa would fit if it was shoved up his arsehole, he can cry about his failure at length, who cares, not your path, not your issue, he humiliated himself to a woman he now has to live in close proximity to. If he still can’t cope with facts, a photocopy of land deeds shoved through his door might help focus his little brain. Fuck the path, your neighbour is trash.

pallisers · 17/05/2018 01:12

In all likelihood OP is the owner of the path.

The OP has more than once stated catagorically that the deeds say that the path is owned by the middle terrace houses.

FeralBeryl · 17/05/2018 03:48

Am I the only one wondering why the house on the other end decided to just steal the hut of oath behind their house? Did CF go and shout at them? Probably not eh.
YWNBU - and DH is an unsupportive wanker. It's one thing to want to keep the peace with neighbours, but to brush over you being verbally assaulted in front of your children is awful. T

teaandtoast · 17/05/2018 03:52

Loving the 'hut of oath'. I'd like one in my garden. Grin

WickedLazy · 17/05/2018 03:56

It took him two years to notice you'd put a fence up? Then he called you stupid?? Yanbu!

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 17/05/2018 04:53

We have the same set up in our street and need to access our neighbours gardens to get to our own

So far we have only used it when we moved in and delivered our furniture and when we had some garden work done.

However the access way is in the deeds of all our houses and says that we are all responsible for maintaining it.

I am surprised yours doesn't say that.

SabineUndine · 17/05/2018 05:17

There looks to have been a similar right of way at the end of my garden at some point. It was full of rubbish which I cleared (my bit only) but the rest is unusable, all the way along it’s like a municipal dump.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2018 05:34

He sounds like an idiot.

What is PIVOT? It isn’t in the acronyms list.

WaltWhite · 17/05/2018 06:04

Pivot is from Friends, where Ross buys a new sofa and it won't fit up the stairs in his apartment building. He keeps yelling Pivot! To try and get the others to manoeuvre the sofa round.

ineedaholidaynow · 17/05/2018 06:06

Is the rest of the path overgrown, or just the bit behind your house? Was the neighbour expecting you to maintain the whole path (even though it appears you don't have to maintain any of it!)

PIVOT is from an episode of Friends, said by Ross many times when trying to move a sofa

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/05/2018 06:07

WaltWhite
ineedaholidaynow

Thanks for the info. Smile

alreadytaken · 17/05/2018 06:18

faced with an undeliverable sofa why didnt this CF get out his secateurs and cut away the brambles? Then the delivery people can return.

Not your path not your problem - but your dh needs to grow a pair.

CanIBuffalo · 17/05/2018 06:31

Your husband is a spineless twat.

picklemepopcorn · 17/05/2018 06:41

Did the path ought to be accessible at the other end as well? Where the end house has annexed the garden, did it used to have a gate and path there?

ineedaholidaynow · 17/05/2018 06:45

Where do the neighbours keep their bins? I would have thought that would be a common use of access paths like these

PlumsGalore · 17/05/2018 06:45

I agree neighbour and DH are twats. Neighbour is angry and embarrassed that he couldn't access his house and hadn't checked he could so felt a dick in front of the delivery men who probably laughed at him behind his back. So he projected that embarrassment to the "stupid tart" who he deemed an easy victim for his anger.

Your DH is a wimp for letting an angry dickhead insult his wife and taking the dickheads side.

You did right OP.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/05/2018 06:46

I think your DH takes that view because he cannot imagine being spoken to like that by a neighbour. He is imagining the neighbour speaking to him and his relationship with the neighbour.

Essentially, beacuse it didn't happen to him, he doesn't believe you.

It's not that he literally disbelieves you, he'll say he does. Rather that he has let your words wash over him and his understanding of the incident is based on how it would feel for him (with neighbour speaking as he would to him).

It's exactly the same reason men don't believe women about sexual harrassment. They can hear the words but because it doesn't happpen to them, it's not real.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/05/2018 06:52

And I agree your DH should be incandescent with the man for the way he spoke to you and in front of the DC.

Does he think it's ok to speak to you like that too? That seems to be what he is saying.

Incidentally, you describe the fence and lack of maintenance as yours but aren't they equally your DH's? In which case all the neighbour's ire at the path not being maintained etc was equally directed at your DH.

How about if he goes round and says 'I hear you shouted at us and called us 'silly tarts' in front of our DCs, for not maintaining your path for you. What's that about then?'

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/05/2018 07:04

YWNBU at all.
Perfectly ok to do what you did.

Him, on the other hand - well first of all, if I were him I'd have made sure that any item I bought could actually fit into the house; and if I thought that the rear access path might be needed THEN I would have gone out and checked the fucking path BEFOREHAND to make sure that it was passable, and if not done something about it myself, not ranted at someone completely irrelevant to the situation because I'd been unprepared and made an arse of myself.

As for calling you names - well. He lost ANY point as soon as he did that.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/05/2018 07:08

And yes, your DH IB totally U to be such a fucking spineless doormat.
Of course the neighbour wouldn't have insulted him and he would have let the neighbour use the garden - but it shows a nasty misogynistic side to both men that either of them think it's ok to call you names because of their errors.

procrastinationsupremo · 17/05/2018 07:11

Sort of similar thing happened to us at our old house, except we were the idiots with the sofa... In fairness to me you couldn't see the back path from our house and spatial awareness is not my thing so it honestly hadn't occurred to me the sofa wouldn't fit through our front door! What we did was.... Bung the deliver blokes a bit of cash, make them a cup of tea and then trample down enough of the overgrown brambles etc. that they could get through. We obviously felt really embarrassed and sheepish and bizarrely it never once occurred to me to shout at my next door neighbour... That weekend we cleared the path properly, our neighbours helped, we had a beer together. Then we all promptly forgot about it and it turned back into a jungle Blush

ArchchancellorsHat · 17/05/2018 07:12

Your neighbour and your H are both BVU - your H needs to grow a spine. I'd not be happy with him taking the neighbour's side on this - shouting at you and insulting you because of his own stupid mistake.

procrastinationsupremo · 17/05/2018 07:15

Your DH is probably being a bit U and I feel your pain as I think mine would be the same. However it is hard when you weren't there, I'm sure he would have defended you in the moment. I guess the kind of blokes who don't like confrontation and want to get on with everyone are also the least likely to call someone a stupid tart?? That's how I console myself anyway!

Iloveacurry · 17/05/2018 07:18

No you’re not being unreasonable. You don’t need to use the path for access anyway according to your map, your neighbours do! They need to keep the path clear surely?

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