Sorry if this is long, I've tried to paragraph it well.
Dd has this "friend", will call her A, that she met at school last year. They realised they lived close to each other and so dd visited her after school and vice versa, walked to school together and hung out at lunch times.
I had a few chats with A's mum and they even had sleepovers. Seemed to get on well but A was a bit demanding and stroppy (pre teen thing I assumed) at times, even towards me, and seemed rather clingy. But you know, finding a friend nearby from school is a lovely thing you don't always have so I was keen for them to remain friends if possible.
Over a couple of months A was keen on dd distancing herself from other friends as "they don't like me" "they bully me" "we don't get on", and dd saw that they were rude to A if she tried to speak to them or would ignore her so she felt she was on A's side and strayed from those friendships. Then she found out A and the others had previously been friends and since then A had accused them of bullying, which dd hadn't thought particularly true but they weren't attached at the hip so she couldn't say either way.
Dd soon got tired of A's CONSTANT messaging (she would even message me if dd hadn't answered her quick enough) and tried to spend less time with her, so not walking to school together but see her in school. A then excluded her from birthday celebrations she'd previously invited dd to which quite upset her. The reason given was that she invited someone else who doesn't like dd (she has never spent time with said person) so she shouldn't come, and dd and A had an argument anyway so best they have some space.
I thought great, that's perfect, dd wont have to stress over trying to keep her happy and dodge stroppy arguments with her anymore. But recently, against my advice, dd and A have been hanging around together again having apparently smoothed things over and they've gone out together with another friend a few times and each time there's hassle from A. She either gets jealous dd and other friend are chatting, even though they ask her questions and include her so strops off, messes dd around about where she is or how long she'll be to meet her and leave her waiting around for ages (one time over 45 minutes), or just argues over the tiniest things and is emotionally spiteful.
Now dd is no angel, but she just wants a nice friend, and has had enough of A being needy and whiny and moody. She tried to be understanding and "be the bigger person" if they argue but it doesn't help. And when they are not "friends" A follows her about and takes the micky out of her in subtle sly ways. So, to now, dd has tried distancing herself from A. So not walking to school together, trying to avoid her at lunch. Now A is messaging her telling dd she's reported her at school this week for being rude to her, ignoring her, calling her a bitch (because someone else told A that dd called her that, though dd denies it) and it looks like a pattern that A gets friends, gets stroppy and they distance themselves so she calls bullying!
Her mum has said previously that A has been bullied at school and I felt bad for her. Not in an unkind judgy way, but her homelife does seem a bit chaotic, and I tried to help dd understand and make allowances for her if she's struggling in any way (but her mum seems quite nice and "normal", understandably very protective of her but acknowledged she gets grumpy and has outbursts).
I don't want dd getting into trouble because she doesn't like someone and is just trying to avoid confrontation with them. A was messaging her again multiple times this morning saying that they should talk and if they do she will go to the teacher and tell them it's fine now. It just sounds like blackmail, be my friend or else! I told dd just to ignore her completely and talk to her own teacher and explain everything about the behaviour from the start, don't wait to be told off for something she hasn't done. Hopefully she'll do that today but what else can I do, how is the meant to be handled? I don't feel I can really approach A's mum as I'm not sure if she will take it as it's meant rather than as an attack. I just want A to leave dd alone, she's stressing her out and it's really not needed.
They've got another 3 years at school together, I can't handle anymore of it, let alone how it makes dd feel.