What do you think about this?

[notfromstepford]

I posted in childcare, but am posting here for traffic.
Sorry don't want to drip feed so this may be a bit long!

I've been using the same nursery for the last 6 years. My youngest DS is there at the moment. He's just over 2.

For the past couple of weeks he keeps telling me about an incident that happened. He's not the best speaker so it's difficult to understand him, but I've now finally figured it out.

In a nutshell - he's saying that a man told him off for picking his nose (he does do this a lot) and then smacked him on the leg and told him NO (he shouts the "no" when he tells me).

So I've spoken to the nursery manager this morning. It transpires that they have a man working over lunchtime time now (which is why I didn't know a man worked there) who started about 2 weeks ago. He looks after DS group.
She said the timing fits of DS story and new person starting but assured me that it could never have happened because he's never been left on his own with them as he is so new but she will mention to his key worker.

Thing is - in theory it could have happened - they don't watch like a hawk every second and it only takes a second to smack. I think this is what is bothering me.

I've always been extremely happy with the nursery, but over the last 3 - 4 months I feel like they just don't seem to care as much as they did. Also as DS is pretty independent and enjoys playing on his own, I sometimes get the feeling they just leave him to it a bit too often.

I don't know - maybe I'm being reading too much in to it - I just have a bit of a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that all is not as well as it used to be.

He's happy enough to go and always happy when I pick him up - maybe I'm just making too much of it.

I'm just interested to see what other people think - trying to get it straight in my head.

Thanks if you've read all this!

Anyone?

I'd be very surprised if a child of that age is capable of making that up and I wouldn't be happy with their explanation. Of course they aren't watching every child that's with another adult, every second they are in there. Sounds like you have been fobbed off.

We used the same nursery for both DCs, much better when eldest was there, not as good when DD was there. I felt she was left a bit much and they weren't great at dealing with her when she had to be pealed from me at the beginning. Too late now and no lasting effects but I wish was had moved her as I should have gone with my instincts.

Take your dc at his word imo. My ds is currently struggling with a dinner nanny picking on him. He is 3 ffs!!

I would be careful about how you proceed. My DS is 3 and regularly tells me things that just aren't possible (mostly when he thinks he's in trouble). This is different though as there doesn't seem to be a benefit for your DS. Do you think the teacher perhaps told him not to do it and in his mind it's become bigger? I would suggest that the situation happened but would question whether it all happened exactly as your DS says. You did the right thing to raise it with the nursery. I would keep an eye on the situation for now.

I would believe your child.

I studied childcare about 5 years ago and during my training I would work in a nursery. I wasn't meant to be left alone with the children, because I wasn't fully trained but it happened plenty of times so I would say it's definitely possible he'd been left alone with your son and it happened.

Thanks for that Weirdy. I was thinking along the same lines - he wouldn't / couldn't make it up so it had to have come from somewhere.

He'll be leaving at Easter next year, but I've lost a bit of confidence in them now and 10 months is a long time.
I just wasn't sure if I was being a bit dramatic or not.

I'd believe him too and would be keeping ears and eyes wide open to monitor the situation.

I agree with PP, I don't think a 2 year old could make up a story like that, and certainly the nursery workers cannot keep their eyes on every child at the same time.
I had an issue where my DS was hit on the head with a plastic spade by another child but they had no idea who as my DS didn't know the child's name and they hadn't seen it happen - they only knew that my DS has gone running to his key worker with the spade saying 'he hit my head' but when she asked who he apparently couldn't point him/she out from the crowd (playing outside so ten+ children as they combine rooms for going outside).
I was furious more for the fact that no one had seen it rather than he'd been hit as I understand kids can sometimes get a bit silly and do these things. I raised the issue only once with manager who told me if was probably missed because they were a staff member down that day and didn't have any cover but she did apologise profusely so I left it and he's had no issues like this since so I see it as a one off.
In your case, you asked they answered - leave it and see if your DS tells you somethings happened again, then go and speak to them and demand a better answer. They are after all in charge of your DS care whilst he's there so an adult (whether new staff member or not, male or female) potentially hitting your DS is a massive situation.

Thanks everyone. I've been wondering whether the carer moved his hand away from his nose and DS has made this in to a smack.

I'll have to have a think about this now and what I want to do.

Sorry I don't want to come across as being worried because its a man.

It's more that it's taken me 2 weeks to work out what DS was saying. As all the staff I know that work there are female - when I realised he was saying "a man" I thought - it can't be a man because they don't have any men working there. But I was wrong and they do.
That's why everything has slotted in to place this morning.

I will keep a very close eye on the situation.

Kids can make things up, but it's the details here that make me believe him, such as the fact he showed you exactly where he was hit (on the leg) and also a reason for doing it (picking his nose) this is far too complicated for a two year old to make up.

Trust your gut, always. I would raise it with the nursery formally, have them put your complaint on record. That way they HAVE to be vigilant regardless of what they believe to be true or not surely?

• not a complaint as such, but logged as an incident

Maybe you’re just paraphrasing but I find the explananation-it couldn’t have happened because he was never in his own with them- is focussed on the wrong thing. Surely it should be “smacking is never acceptable and all staff are aware of this. We have spoken to the man in question and he assures us that he did not smack your son.(maybe add his comments about what might have happened to cause your son to say/think he did). What is more, that staff member is never left alone with the kids so we’d have seen him give the smack if he had done it.”

That way you know that even if the bloke is lying about having done it the nursery have shown that they will come down hard on any such conduct.

Poor little love, too. It's obviously upset him as he's been mentioning it over a few weeks, but it's good he's telling you instead of bottling it up. I'd try and make some extra opportunities, in a relaxed way, to do drawing/playing about his day at nursery, and try and keep it very unpressured but let him know you're hearing him and that it's good to tell you things that are bothering him.

Presumably he's had a DBS done?

Go with your instinct as pp said.

I felt my son was 'in trouble a lot' shall we say. When Community (whatever she was - sorry!) -went to observe, she said 'I don't think teacher likes him very much does she which isn't helping.'

I really wish I had taken him out then.

DBS doesn't mean much, just that they don't have a conviction and are not banned from working with children.

So has the nursery manager actually asked the man and the key worker if they know anything about this? Or just fobbed you off with "it couldn't have happened"?

Jessie - no I wasn't paraphrasing - she said it could never have happened because he is never on his own. You're right the focus is on the wrong thing.

Yes he has he DBS - but my mum has a DBS and she's awful!

No I spoke to nursery manager this morning so she didn't have the chance to speak to the man. Although she never said she would do either. What she did say is that she would speak to Ds's key worker about it. So yes she assured me it could never have happened without speaking to anyone.

See - this is exactly why I posted on here it's easy to see things when you're on the outside looking in- thank you so much everyone!