To give up work and stay at home?

[Picklepickle123]

I know this has been done to death but I'm really struggling. Due to go back to work next month when DS is 12 months old - my decision and I was happy with it.

However, as the date looms closer, I feel more and more sad that I'll have to leave my baby with strangers and won't be there with him. We can easily afford for me to stay at home, but I desperately love my job and feel like I need to have a part of my life where I'm not 'mum'.

DS has not settled well at nursery, so this is not making the transition any easier. However, I am also living in an area with no family support and limited friends available during the week. This has made maternity leave a little lonely, and I fear being a SAHM will only exacerbate this.

I need someone to hit me over the head and tell me what to do....

I know I'm probably being unreasonable but it really grinds my gears when women moan about being upset at leaving their child with "strangers" and missing their child soooo much

Mine too. I mean, DS's grandparents were "strangers" when he was born, but they aren't now, because I encouraged them to spend time with him and build a relationship. My nanny was a "stranger" when we met but now she adores DS and he adores her, he has a relationship which gives him things I couldn't and the net love and loving relationships in his life has increased.

Using childcare doesn't mean flinging your child at someone you (and they) have never met before every day.

Go back to work and make a decision later.

I would try going back to work and see how you find it. I’ve been back 2 months and although I do feel guilty about not having so much time with DD it does make me feel more purposeful and overall better as I have something for me, I think about more than just DD, I have my own money and I get to have cups of tea in peace and talk about non baby things.
None of that is a criticism of sahm as I’m sure a lot of mums get all of that at home but I found it hard being at home all the time; I was prone to overthinking and I lacked the imagination to do the things that DD is getting to do in childcare.

Thanks for all the replies and advice so far.

Apologies if I'm coming across as entitled because I've used the word 'strangers'. It doesn't mean I'm judging others who choose to send their children to nursery. I guess I just had a moment when I walked into nursery the other day that these ladies, as nice as they are, don't know my son. They don't know what makes him laugh, they don't know what makes him clap his hands...they don't know the specific way he eats rice cakes. They are strangers to him right now, and strangers to me as well. I'm sure over time we'll get to know each other well, but right now I don't know them at all.

I am going back part time, but part of me is wondering whether it's really worth it because the career progression etc is less, and you're not as valued as a full time equivalent - so is it really worth it? But DH is self employed, so I appreciate that if something were to happen to him, we would need a back up plan. I just didn't envisage I would have a change of heart so close to the end of maternity leave!