To wonder when toddlers just get on with it?!

[InMemoryOfSleep]

My DS is almost two, and his attention span is still really short. He needs me with him all the time even at playgroup he’s pulling me round with him rather than going off to play under his own steam, like all the other children. What age were your kids when they were able to play on their own?!

4.5-5 i.e. when DC2 became coherent enough to order him around

He is not much more than a baby. The maternal bond is his all

Realised that initial post sounded a bit harsh! I love to play with him, but I’m always conscious of letting him/encouraging him to play on his own, and not ‘helicoptering’ too much. So was just wondering what I should expect really in terms of his development!

They are all different. My nearly two year old is quite happy to ply by himself, but he has a big sister to copy.

To get on with playing and things they like, 5-6 years, but I’m still needed for approval/to be the audience/referee/to take the lid off this/to undo the button on that every few minutes to be honest. And even when engrossed in a game, the attention span is 20 minutes max and then it’s onto the new game, or another thing, usually haranguing me for snacks, or to read them a book, or to let them outside, or cook with them. All great activities you feel mean saying no to.

To properly go off and do their own thing, properly, without asking me questions every five minutes or less, the age has so far been somewhere around 8 years.

For things that they don’t like, which is basically everything else, getting ready for bed, housework, getting washed and brushed, homework etc, push those numbers up five years

Really varies massively by child. My son will play for hours by himself and hes nearly 3, he will play with other children happily without involving an adult... he will also get himself water from the tap in his cup, wash his hands, get snacks out of the fridge to eat. It has very little to do with my parenting to be honest, thats just how he is. Hes always been very independent and hates other people doing things for him.

My friends child who is a similar age needs constant reassurance. And I have another friend who has two boys one of whom when he was 3 was very independent and loved to play by himself, but the other now he is 3 will not even entertain it.

So please dont worry that there is anything wrong with your child or anything you need to change about your parenting because it really does just depend a massive amount on your childs personality.
Different children develop at different rates and some children just will always like a bit of reassurance and input.

Around 1-2 for both my girls. I've been very strict on it though with a routine; I play with you, then I go and do a chore whilst you play, then i play with you etc etc

I would often set up a game - so around two it might be blocks - play a bit, get them engrossed, then disengage.

Mines 4 and a few months and she has finally started going off in parks and play centres, it's very tiring when you have to do everything single thing with her so I feel your pain, but I also now feel a slight pang if missing her when she runs off and has fun without me 😭

Thanks all, that’s really helpful. I had a bit of a wobble as I’ve had my MIL over the weekend, and was chatting about how hard it is to get anything done in the day as he’s so high maintenance, and she was a bit ‘ooh, doesn’t he just play on his own?’ Which made me wonder if he should be - it’s hard when it’s your first to know what to expect! Appreciate all the supportive advice.

I found with my kids that it helped to make it clear whether I was playing with them or whether I wanted time on my own rather than doing a half hearted 'sort of' playing with them. iyswim.
I was also very upfront about the times I just wanted to be left alone.

My kids didn't tend to have afternoon naps so I got them in the habit of having bedroom play in the afternoon for an hour or two. I'd put on a movie and leave them to play quietly and veg. I think because it was regular they knew to get on with it.

Another thing I did was use timers. I'd tell them I didn't want to play with them for an hour and set the timer so they could see for themselves. Then when I played with them
I would give them my full attention.

Obviously it wasn't as regimented as it sounds.....