To ask for careers guidance? Desperate!

[lastnightidreamtofpotatoes]

Very long story cut very short: I left uni in 2nd year when pregnant, got married and baby had long term disabilities and health issues. Plodded along and 5 years later ds2 was born with the same condition (which wasn't picked up antenatally)

I did a BSc in a social science subject hoping to 'open doors' in the furture when things have calmed down. I have zero paid work experience and have done bits and pieces of voluntary work, but nothing very solid. DH and I split two years ago (after deciding that this wasn't the life he signed up for ) and cannot be relied on in sharing care. DS1 for various reasons has only been in school FT since January so now I really need to think of things I can do. Both boys receive high rate DLA, I get CA and the associated benefits and I feel I am trapped in terms of what I can do. I am terrified that when DS1 hits 16 and transfers to PIP that he will lose it and we will be financially worse off AND I have no job prospects.

So....my AIBU is to ask if I should do a MSc (again in a social science area) to improve my employment prospects OR try to get a solid voluntary position? Which looks better? The problem I have been finding with voluntary positions I am interested in (women/children in DV) is that the amount of time you are required to commit is not compatible with someone in receipt of benefits (and doesn't fit with the boys' school hours and frequent hospital appointments) Eg I applied for a volunteer court 'supporter' for women in DV cases and was shocked that you have to be available mornings/evenings for the duration of the whole case, which can be 4-6 weeks. That isn't possible for me and quite a few other voluntary roles require the same sort of commitment.

What should I do? This is really getting me down, we are not changed over to UC yet but as above I am terrified that we will be in a much worse situation when we do. I suppose I want to hear from recruiters/managers what is better; a MSc specializing in an area or voluntary work that isn't specific?

Thanks if you got this far.

Forgot to add that I am now mid thirties and boys are 12 and 8.

I would take a step back and think about what sort of job you think you can do that fits in with looking after your DC. How old are they? How independent are they? Do you need to be available quickly if they have a problem? Do you need to be able to cover the school holidays?

I understand you are worried about the future and want to work but in some cases benefits are the right option for a family. You are already carrying a heavy load do you need to put yourself under more pressure?

Are you aiming for a particular type of job? If you just want anything I suppose you should be able to do some admin/temp work without much trouble (eg Office Angels). The pay will be crap but it might be better than nothing, or you could always look at civil service jobs.

I wouldn't do a masters unless you know that A) it will significantly improve your prospects of getting a particular type of job and B) there's at least a reasonable chance of getting one of those jobs after you complete the masters.

Thanks for the replies. Ideally I would like to work with women who are victims of DV in a support worker type role. I have been looking online and they are all FT posts which is definitely not suitable now and in honesty I'm not sure if ever.

Both boys are now in school FT (they are 12 and 8) but have lots of appointments that I need to take them to and yes I do need to be on hand if I get a call from the school saying one of them is sick (this is why I am afraid to commit to a long term voluntary role) They have made good progress but will always need some level of supported living.

Chazs I do have a lot of pressure already but I am feeling more under pressure due to friends' dc losing once they got to PIP age and this terrifies me. If I don't have DLA/CA and we switch to UC then our lives will be much worse. At the moment we are able to afford a private rental in a nice area but if we lost the above we would have to live in a house that was in poor condition and still expensive. This is why I desperately feel the need to be employable or to make myself as employable as possible. I had a work focussed interview last year and the advisor was trying to convince me to get night shifts. I dread to think now that both boys are in school what will be said at the next one.

I am wondering if some form of freelance work would be the best for you. Anything from Uber to transcription or proof reading. Something where you have some flexibility. I know it isn't your preferred area but you are trying to find a balance in a tricky situation.

I don't think an MSc without work experience would significantly increase your job prospects, unfortunately. Long term volunteering will probably help more. However, it does sound like the exact role you want may not be compatible with your life right now.

I think if you want to make yourself more employable, getting some paid work experience is key. Could you look for a term time/school hours only role? Many secondary schools have pastoral workers, for example, which might fit in with your skill set.

Or alternatively, do you have any skills you could use to work in a self employed/freelance basis?

Thanks for the advice, this is what I really need to hear. I think some sort of freelance is my only hope. What to do though? I do have a teaching qualification but despite contacting numerous charities/organizations no where was willing to accept me as a volunteer. It seems there has been a massive cut in ESL in the past several years and according to my tutor organizations are afraid to take on volunteers as they need to justify the need for paid positions.

Ideally I would like to be involved with women/families who have experienced DV or abuse. Is there any scope for freelance/consultancy in this field?

Ideally I would like to work with women who are victims of DV in a support worker type role. I have been looking online and they are all FT posts which is definitely not suitable now and in honesty I'm not sure if ever.

It's unfortunate, but it's sounds like it's not (or at least not just) a lack of experience/qualifications etc. that would prevent you from doing these jobs. It's fundamentally a problem of fitting in the work and your caring responsibilities.

It sounds like your only real option is to find a job during school hours, and even then you need a flexible employer. I agree with pp that freelance work of some kind might work, or I would say civil service again because they are generally much more flexible than most employers.

I think you need to look outside the 'women/DV' box - there is a whole world of jobs and careers out there.

It's bit like every mum at the school gates wants to be a TA because that's their life at that moment.

I do have a teaching qualification

Oh how about being a supply teacher? Then I guess you could just accept work on days when your kids don't have medical appointments.

As you have teaching experience and knowledge of disabilities that could be an area where you could either volunteer or perhaps look at some sort of advocacy or tutoring work.

Firstly OP, I'm full of admiration for you in coping with all the pressure you're under.

It seems to me that a real positive here is that you know what sort of area you'd ultimately like to work in. I'm not in that field but would the following suggestions be possible for helping with your longer term objectives:

1. If you have any contacts in the area could you ask them to spare some time to give you some advice on the best path to take. Even if you don't know someone directly do you know anyone who could put you in contact with that person (or would any of the support groups be able to help)? Would it be possible to do a brief work shadow for that person to give you ideas on what the most useful next move would be.
2. Are there any roles (voluntary or otherwise) connected to what you want to do that might have hours that would work for you? By this I'm thinking working on a helpline/ organising rotas etc. These would be a good way to demonstrate your commitment and also a way to make contacts.

I really wish you all the best OP.

Ally I have a teaching qualification but not QTS if that makes sense? It is for teaching adults ESOL. I was able to do that as it was a blended course and I only had to do teaching practice 3 hours per week. At the end of the course though the tutor told us that there was no market or jobs though I must look into local colleges to see if there is any chance of sub work in that area.

Chazs that is a good idea, thanks, will look into that.

What about volunteering as a special constable with your local police force? A lot of the work is sadly dealing with dv and it gives a real insight into the dynamics of violence and why victims struggle to leave. You can pick your shifts and i think it used to be a minimum of 12 hours a month. If you enjoy it you can ask for some time with the domestic violence unit and hopefully you can get a reference from them to start a paid career.

I really appreciate all of the suggestions, they are really helping me to think about putting a plan in place. The last 12+ years my focus has been caring for the boys and picking up whatever qualifications and training that I can, I am totally out of the world of work loop so you have all been most helpful.

Could you tutor EAL? Either school students or adults who might be over here on business and want a flexible schedule and fast progress rather than a quick pass? Could you offer proofreading services/writing help for people in this position? There are some websites that offer this kind of service, I'm not sure exactly how they outsource their work.

This kind of thing would allow you to have some flexibility and pick your hours a bit, which seems like it's essential to you, and you can always turn work away if you're not able to take it on at that time.

I think you are a bit too hung up on the idea of volunteering- paid work experience will often be better for your CV unless you're learning a very specific skill. I do think most charities want volunteers to commit to set days and times these days, as it's much easier for them- so if you're doing that anyway, why not earn some money? Or are you specifically looking to volunteer as any earnings will affect benefits you currently receive?

Lady will definitely look into the proofreading, that sounds like something I could do at home which would be ideal.

Unfortunately at the moment I can't get any paid work as the situation isn't stable enough. Ds2 is having surgery in the next 3-6 months and will be off school for 4-6 weeks; obviously I have to be FT at home during this period and there will be lots of appointments afterwards. I'm thinking more about 3+ years ahead when hopefully ds2 will be more stable and I might have to work. Unfortunately now I can't earn more than £20 without my benefits being affected, which I can't afford to be messed up at this stage.

Thank you all again, this has given me much food for thought.