Possible OW - how do you stay silent whilst trying to gather evidence?

[Changednamehowdoyoucope]

As the title says....but for background we've been married for 24 years, 2DS and although we have had ups and downs I never thought I would ever be in this situation.

I set up DH's FB account years ago and as he didn't even have an email address then I had to use one of mine. His accounts set up so if he gets a private message an email is sent to say Joe blogged has sent a message - it doesn't say on the email what the message says, just that there has been a message sent.

So over the years I've received these emails so it might be friend A has sent a message, friend B etc and I've never thought twice but over the last few days 4 emails came through saying he'd had a message of this woman (I'm also friends with her but have always been wary given her dating history)

For some reason I was agitated and very curious as to what she was messaging him about so I logged into his FB and whilst all messages from other people are there every single message from her have been deleted - including very innocent ones I've known her to send in the past like the happy New year gifs.

'D'H has not mentioned them at all and it has hit me for 6....I struggled to even look at him last night and I'm finding myself logging into his FB constantly

I've never been the suspicious type, never doubted but whilst I understand the wait until I have full evidence I'm struggling to not scream at him about this

How do you cope?

I've name changed and at work so apologies if I don't come back to this for a while

I think any explanation of her annoying him with messages which is why he has deleted them is not likely to be right then. He is actively messaging her. I'm sure there is a way to get deleted facebook messages back btw, I just don't know how. There was a programme on about a woman falsely accused someone of rape and had deleted certain messages from their facebook conversations to make him look dodgy and his sister got the lot back which told a very different story. She said it was easy to do.

I've got it logged in on my phone as messenger app on my home screen and messages ping straight away so if you do that you can get them same time or maybe even before him and open asap.

Haven’t tried this, but this could be worth a shot...
www.computertrickstips.com/recover-deleted-facebook-messages/

How long does he walk the dog for?

I think it might do that if you block someone. You get a message, but then the message is automatically deleted.

blessedbe tried that - only downloaded current messages non deleted messages

Couldn't hold fire any longer and had it out with him - apparently he always deletes threads but couldn't answer why he hadn't deleted messages from mates from work and she's just a friend. He tried to turn if back on me as I used to give his mate a lift to matches, meetings etc and anything could have gone on then...he's stormed out as he is sick of arguing

During the full on row he admitted that if this was the other way round he would react like I've done but then he's buggered off.....

Think my suspicions were right and I will he taking steps - thanks to you all but I'm going to leave this thread now, try and get a clear thought process going so I can plan ahead

sorry to hear that OP

I'm sorry OP

OP

I'm sorry OP

I hope it works out okay lass.

Facebook doesn't necessarily delete messages that have been "deleted" with an X, it archives them. Go to Messenger on PC, click on the little Settings cog wheel, a drop down appears, select "Archived threads". I just tried this by deleting some of my messages and I could still see them. I believe this only works if they were deleted using "X". Becareful not to click on "Archive" otherwise it will actually archive them and it will see the messages have moved.