I know im not being unreasonable, im just feeling extremely hurt and need to vent!

[Blue2017]

As the title says I know Im not being unreasonable but didn't know where else to post this, so oh parents came over tonight and whilst here fil says " you've let yourself go" I kind of laughed and said " yes I have but id rather have extra time with my baby in the morning than faff about doing my make up and hair " ( I wasn't majorly into make up before I had my baby but wore it often ) then he said " well it happens" so even if he did say it as a joke he meant it!!
What a nasty thing to say!! I have put weight on I was quite little before, I don't always dress up because I feel extremely uncomfortable in jeans due to my c section scar, so quite often wear comfortable trousers and a vest top which I feel comfortable in, I'm not too bothered that I have a bit of a belly I'm my opinion I am so bloody lucky I have been blessed with my little baby that having a bit of a belly really doesn't matter!
Thing is is there have been things said before his mum asking if he thought his brothers new girlfriend was pretty 3 months after I had my baby, bringing round a poster of 2 practically naked girls on and asking if it's his from over 7 years ago, I am now thinking and realising that in their eyes I'm not good enough for their son! There has been other things said that have made me feel like I'm not good enough! Sorry for go on and on I just needed to vent it!! Thankyou if you have got this far!! Xx

What twats.

Get them anti-aging stuff for their birthdays/Christmas and tell them they need the help. Arseholes. X

Stop now
Your husband loves you
You have a lovely baby
They are dicks , they are embarrassing themselves

Aw, you don't have to defend yourself, op.
Next time ask the rude rsole if he's got any mirrors in his house.
Personally I would have told him he was in my house and to mind his manners.

Just tell FIL you cant be arsed to make an effort just to see him

Or even better “what’s your excuse”

Thankyou for your replies, unfortunately I'm not quick on my feet to think of something to say so instead I laughed and agreed with him!!
My oh didn't say anything which I think is why I feel so upset over it, his just asked me why I'm so quiet so clearly didn't see anything wrong with that comment xx

I posted earlier about issues with grandparents (I wondered why there was so many) and then see this kind of stuff, and think, ah ha, that’s why! What complete assholes! I would only ever have an issue with either of my kids partners, if that partner was abusive, or cheated, treated my child badly, the serious things. On paper, is my daughters DP the man I would have “chosen” for her? Maybe not. But he’s kind, he loves her and treats her as an equal. She’s happy so I’m happy.

Just remind yourself that they are the ones who will miss out on all the joy a new baby brings to the family with their shit attitude. Ignore them OP, they aren’t worth stressing about.

Maybe your dh didn't know what to say and thought you found it funny as you laughed (obviously it isn't funny and I can totally see why you might laugh nervously in these circumstances).

I'd go with the anti-aging stuff for them or get the fil a nice leaflet about erectile dysfunction. See if they still think they should comment.

How rude.

You did well saying what you did about wanting to spend time with the baby and not on superficial things like hair and makeup.

100% agree with getting them anti-aging lotions and potions. Or perhaps some books on tact would also be good gift suggestions!

Just out of interest - has he let himself go too by any chance?

Regardless of whether he has or hasn't - next time (because unfortunately I suspect there will always be a next time, it sounds deliberate rather an inopportune comment that he'll worry about for ages) just tell him 'It's obviously catching FIL - just following your example' with a bit of a smile and laugh. And every time he says something that's a dig - turn it around back on him.

I was going to say "well as long as your OH has your back, it doesn't matter", but I see he doesn't.

Get them anti-aging stuff for their birthdays/Christmas and tell them they need the help.

Definitely do this.

Definitely comment on their appearance next time.

Oh, that’s an interesting choice of outfit you have on!

Did you get a haircut? Mmmmm a bit... well never mind it probably doesn’t matter at your age...

I'm sorry OP they sound really rude. You need to tell your OH how they made you feel. Ask him how he would feel if the situation was reversed. I think the poster thing sounds really weird. Why would she bring round a poster from so long ago? Reminds me of an ex boyfriend's mum who first time I met her brought out photos of him and his ex together (who was stunning!). When I next met his mum she said to me "oh I thought I would never see you again!" at the time I was young and very shy and didn't say anything but it affected my confidence deeply and we ended up splitting up (he was a bit of a twat anyway) but I also went a bit crazy with jealousy for a while because I think my confidence was so rock bottom. Not a nice thing to do to anyone. So please OP, speak up for the sake of your relationship.

I’ve got a FIL like this, so untactful and hurtful. Don’t listen to a word of it. Could you ‘practise’ some quick witted replies for the next time he makes an inappropriate comment? My immediate thoughts would be “yes, because I’m devoting my time to my baby. What’s your excuse for looking so x,y,z”.
With my FIL it’s got so bad that DH has recently confronted him. Whether or not that will make a permanent difference to his behaviour I don’t yet know but at least I now know DH understands my hurt on this one and will speak up for the both of us. Before I think DH was just numb to it. Could this be the case with your DH? Regardless you need to both talk about this so it doesn’t fester and affect your relationship.

I’d just have laughed and said ‘it’s a waste of make up just for you! When I have someone important to get dolled up for i’ll do it then’ i

Just use the same phrase each time, say it clearly but calmly "did you mean to be so rude?" , followed by a raised eyebrow or head tilt.

I don't think you should have said anything about preferring to spend time with your baby because you were in away justifying yourself. I think you should have told him that your appearance is absolutely non of his business.

Sometimes if we stay in our "fat clothes " ( not insinuating you are fat) you can get very relaxed and lose focus on looking after yourself.dont do it for him or the family but remember to look after yourself ie walking, maybe join a mums group that exercises together,for yourself and baby and you will feel strong and that will give you confidence about yourself. Make yourself a priority too, which many don't when they have a cute little one. When you feel stronger you can address your husband and I laws if you feel the need

With my FIL it’s got so bad that DH has recently confronted him.

There is a certain subset of people who think this is humour, not recognising it's just a way of getting at people, while pretending you're not - the 'can't you take a joke' sort.
Loathesome.

Thankyou for all your lovely replies, makes me feel alot better, and I'll take on board the the advise on what to say when it happens again because it will happen again, I just need to grow my back bone and say something back! There are some really lovely mumsnetters on here so thankyou again xx

"oh no FIL, I haven't let myself go, I just don't think YOU are worth dressing up for"

There's no time limit on replying to him, op.
I know from experience it's difficult to think of a quick
response when someone is being nasty.
Just say, 'about what you said last week/yesterday/an hour ago.'

Take heart op that as you get older -like- -me- you'll get quicker
at knocking these roles down a peg or two.

Practice saying this,
"I can lose weight but you will always be an a*hole."