To miss being catcalled

[Beesarmy]

I didn’t know if this would be the right section or the feminist. I’m hoping that there are other women who have felt similar to the way I feel.

Recently when Ive been out with DD she was catcalled. She finds it very uncomfortable like most women do. She’s 16 so her body is changing and men are of course noticing it. The whole thing led me to think about when I was a young lady and I was constantly cat called by men. It grew up in LA where cat calling was very extreme. Especially when I was younger. I was first cat called when I was 10 years old I didn’t really understand it at first however most instances made me fell so frightened. For me it’s a form of sexual assault.

The problem is the cat calling has got less and less as I have got older. It has now got to a point where I feel a bit worthless. Im not that young attractive woman that I used to be. I know longer get attention from men anymore. It’s starting to bother me in a way I would’ve never thought.

It’s made me realise the mental scars that cat calling leave on many of us women. We become so used to it that it starts to become a need and many women start to find it flattering. I know when the odd man does catcall me I do feel rather flattered. Part of me just wishes that I could get a bit more attention. not as much as I did when I was younger but just a few compliments from strangers would be nice. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m one of a few women who feel this way. I just don’t get how I can feel like I’m a strong feminist. I’m independent yet miss being cat called. Miss that male attention, it’s embarrassing.

I don't think they're meant as compliments. They're meant to assert power. I don't understand how anyone on the receiving end of it would misinterpret them as compliments.

Satorye

That’s the problem when I was younger men starring at me would’ve creeped me out, however now I wouldn’t mind.

This OP...

I've never been catcalled and I'm attractive. Men try to catch my eye on the train, when I'm out with dh etc but I think whistling is a generation up from me and I'm glad for that.

The fact you miss it is pathetic. Maybe miss your youth or looks but being validated by disgusting men whistling at you? Bleurgh.

And being jealous of your dd

Exactly. It's not a compliment. You might be on your way to the job you trained hard for but a whistle from a white van man is to remind you that you're just a fuckable orificae. Sorry but that's how I feel about total strangers whistling.

Recently when Ive been out with DD she was catcalled. She finds it very uncomfortable like most women do. She’s 16 so her body is changing and men are of course noticing it.

I hope you let your DD know that it was disgusting that she was treated like that and NOT flattering at all.

I am sorry but I was also thinking that OP is jealous of her dd.

Yabu and creepy about your daughter

Is that you Paris?

🙄

I understand op's conflicting feelings. I remember when I was in my twenties a car drove past and the guys were holding up score cards and waving. I was horrified at this organised attempt to objectify women but also slightly chuffed to get an eight.

Ms Lees, is that you?!

I have been catcalled when wearing a pair of jogging bottoms and my mankiest Gap hoodie, walking along the street on my own. It's a form of intimidation, and not a whole lot to do with your level of attractiveness.

Oh dammit xpost with Heman! 😂

You have asked if yabu. I think you are. Although, I also feel a bit sorry for you.

You must have self esteem issues to feel you miss and need this kind of attention, to feel attractive.

It is absolute sexist bullshit.

Men like that would catcall a shaved pig in a dress

And yet op is no longer being catcalled.. so what are you saying about op?

YABU

I used to get cat-called a lot but never these days. I think it’s a combination of being older, less attractive, less vulnerable looking but also changing norms (the building industry has worked hard to stop it on building sites). I always hated it and I don’t miss it one jot! I never felt it was a compliment and certainly didn’t base my self-esteem on it.

I understand op, and feel the same way. I feel that I've become "invisible" since getting older and having children. My body has changed, I don't have the time to put into my looks any more, I have aged about 20 years in the last 5, and my confidence is very low. Maybe it's a symptom of a wider change in your own self-confidence. I know I shouldn't like being catcalled, but a part of me does. That this makes me feel ashamed and judged in itself is a further blow.

I think women should support each other in examining our insecurities and dependence on male attention and try to get to the root of that rather than berating each other for a perfectly justifiable response, as many on this thread are doing.

Moonkissedle

I did also so clothing matters aswell. Like I said I used to cat called a lot when I was younger and now I get hardly anything no second looks and I feel I care about my appearance even more.

I’m also going to try and teach DD to defend herself when being cat called hopefully she won’t end up having the same feeling like me in the future.

Even in school I remember be cat called a lot. It got extreme in college but none of them were that bad. The inappropriate ones were on the street.

Moon

I can't believe some women enjoy being cat called. Back in the early 90's, when I worked in a large city's main town hall, we badgered the hell out of a construction company who were building a massive hotel nearby to make them STOP the construction workers cat calling us. It worked - they stopped and put up a HUGE sign saying something like 'We employ a respectful workforce'.

I think Bumpety has it.

It sounds like you know it’s creepy but you’ve internalised the patriarchal crap so much that you’ve learnt to value yourself the way these men do.

Whether you’re attractive or not is beside the point because who cares? Your good looks are nothing you’ve done or achieved, nor are they a sign of a kind personality. Think about the things about you that actually matter and value yourself for those.

Jesus Christ, cracking up at “shaved pig in a dress”!
You don’t need a mans opinion to feel good OP men ain’t shit!
I personally would feel a huge confidence boost if a fellow woman was to compliment my appearance, rather than a sweaty man in a hi-vis.

I emphatize on many levels but then again it isn't worth it. When I think of what is next from catcalling, when I think of what kind of other types of harassment I used to think were compliment...when you just think about what majority of these men watch in porn and on what basis they are whistling at you and catcalling...surely no woman should ever miss that(with having in mind that we aren't all the same as well-it has nothing to do with sexual harassment).

I mean maybe you are just not disgusted enough with men yet. Not like misandry, just healthy disgust according to reality.

But the crave is real, no one can deny that you have it. Some of us find comfort in partners, some are sober and single whole time.

It’s nothing about being attractive. I’ve necer had more cat-calls than when heavily pregnant. It’s just intimidation, so I refuse to be intimidated.

@BustopherJones that's gross and sad and you've got a point. I noticed that a lot of people dare to check me out when I have my DS in buggy next to me. I find it deeply disturbing, especially when it comes to pregnant women.

it makes me really sad when i hear the women place their worth and self esteem on what men think of them, men only like young women, because imo they are low key pedos. Women in their 40s are so beautiful, and at their most attractive, just cos men are too gross and busy cat calling 10 and 16 year old school girls, doesn't mean you are any less attractive. Don't base your worth on what creepy gross men think of you. I am bisexual and see women everyday who are usually in their 40s/50s that take my breath away with how beautiful they are, but because I am not a creepy man, and I don't say anything as I don't think its appropriate. But trust me, what men think of you, especially the type of low lives that catcall, think of you, doesn't define your worth or your attraction.