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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect dh to respect my wishes

27 replies

Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh · 17/05/2007 19:22

Right, we have a bad habit in this house of leaving the backdoor open when the weather is nice, Our back gate is very easily acessable from the street.
In light of recent events I have become very paranoid about someone snatching our daughter (she's 4)and I'm worried that dh tends to go up to the loo leaving lo downstairs backdoor open etc. So on Sunday I put a chain and padlock on the backgate. DH looks after lo at home all day on Tuesdays and Thursdays, both days I have come home to find the padlock off and the door open , I asked him about it on Tuesday and he said they had been in and out of the gate all day and quite frankly the padlock is a pain.....
I have been suffereing sleepless nights and nightmares since poor Madeleine went missing, so am I being unreasonable asking him to do this one little thing, and would I be being unreasonable if I go completely bollistic at him when he gets home from work tonight?

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 17/05/2007 20:16

You are not being unreasonable and has he considered that he is invalidating the house insurance in the event of a burglary - which frankly is far more likely than lo being snatched. (Madeleine was asleep and parents not in same building as I understand it.)

The q is, how to get dh to toe the line. Have you tried stamping your foot and pouting? Cutting off his beer supply? Hiding the tv remote? Threatening to tell his mother? Deaf & dumb breakfast?

Sleep well tonight.

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 17/05/2007 20:18

Plus, she could easily wander off on her own and get run over! He is being silly really. Not much to ask is it.

fireflyfairy2 · 17/05/2007 20:20

He should have left the chain & padlock where you put it!

Have you told him why you have purchased the padlock & chain?

Elasticwoman · 17/05/2007 20:23

Yes, wandering off is far more likely.

Original poster
Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh · 17/05/2007 20:52

She is quite sensible and hasn't walked out of the gate (not that that means she never will of course!)

Yes, fireflyfairy2 he knows EXACTLY why I bought the lock, he just thinks im being paranoid.

I am going to try screaming and shouting in his stupid dumb ear, and if that doesn't work I will definately try the stomping.....but I can't guarantee it WON'T be on his head

Thanks for all the replies

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MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 17/05/2007 20:53

I don't think you are being paranoid, but the wandering off/burglary senarios are much more likely than the other one. However, that is not to say that we need to invite these people in by leaving our doors open.

Nikki76 · 17/05/2007 20:55

Thread hi-jack - FFF2- how did your exam go? I posted you a good luck message but not sure if you saw it!

Argghhh - YANBU - I would feel exactly the same. You just can't take any chances these days! All it takes is for someone to go upstairs for five mins and an opportunist to be walking by - so not worth it!

Original poster
Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh · 17/05/2007 20:55

This is true, not sure about burglary as we don't go out and leave it open, but he has been known to go upstairs while lo is downstairs and leave it open.

I think I will talk to him about the fact she may wander off

OP posts:
Original poster
Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh · 17/05/2007 20:57

sorry Nikki76 we posted at the same time.
Perhaps I shall just get him to read this thread. The collective voice of reason.

OP posts:
MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 17/05/2007 20:57

Opportunistic burglary happens all the time. Doesn't have to be the TV. My friends got burgled while they were in bed asleep

Original poster
Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh · 17/05/2007 20:59

True

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Nikki76 · 17/05/2007 21:01

Arrrgghhh - we have a public footpath at back of our house - I'm paranoid about it! When I go to loo I make sure that the back door is always locked and if its for anything ahem...major I put DS in his cot with some toys....over protective..probably...but gives me peace of mind though!

MrsApron · 17/05/2007 21:06

How far can she get when Dh is in the loo? You could try it out to see.....

I have had to lock all doors with keys removed as my three yr old can use them and leg it.

I am more concerned about her legging it out into the street and being runover tbh.

I would be more fussed about the doors being locked than the gate I think.

Original poster
Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh · 17/05/2007 21:11

I don't think you are being over protective Nikki76, just very sensible.

If the gate is locked sha can't get out to the street, and it's a high gate so no climbing over

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 17/05/2007 21:11
Nikki76 · 17/05/2007 21:13

Well I think its a good compromise....you can't be too careful...I would be tough and put the worst case scenario to your DH and say how would you feel if......

If that doesn't make him think twice then we'll give him a collective mumsnet boot up arse with your permission!

divastrop · 17/05/2007 21:26

if he thinks you're being paranoid then you should use the 'could escape and get run over' argument,and dig out some statistics to back you up.i dont know the figures myself but i know that alot of children die on the roads each year.thats not paranoia,its common sense.

Nikki76 · 17/05/2007 21:27
dueat44 · 17/05/2007 21:32

Wasn't there a child taken out of her bath fairly recently? Horrible story. man came in through back door.

Bet DH's mother would agree with your position - enlist her!

Muminfife · 17/05/2007 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mummytosteven · 17/05/2007 21:37

yanbu.

Original poster
Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh · 18/05/2007 09:34

Sorry I dissappeared last night, dh came home and NOW we are not talking, because a lock on the back gate is far to inconvenient I'm not going to drop this, he has really pissed me off now.

Thanks for all you advice, a collective boot up the backside is exactly what he needs

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purpleduck · 18/05/2007 10:21

When my ds was 2.5 (and dd was a baby) we were out in the garden, having a conversation about going to visit daddy, which way he goes when he drives etc. Went upstairs to change dd leaving ds in the backgarden with what I thought was a locked back gate. Moments later there were people in my HOUSE leading ds back home. Seems the gate was not locked, and he was on his way to go see daddy. I still get cold sweats when I think of what could have happened. My husband had unlocked the gate, and did not lock it back up. Grrr You are not being unreasonable.

heifer · 18/05/2007 10:43

YANBU.. and your DH is a f*ckwit... and you can tell him I said so....

Inconvience is not an excuse.... This is your child safety here...

my DD (3) plays by herself all the time in our back garden, and I don't have to watch her all the time as we have a large gate with 2 padlocks on... (just to be sure)....

This also means that I can leave the backdoor open during the day (whatever the weather, as we have 2 dogs),.. and not be worried that I have to lock it up everytime I go upstairs... (although I do shut the dogs in the utility room, so I never leave DD alone with the dogs, before anyone points that out ...

So again I say

Your DH is a f*uckwit....

Original poster
Aaaarrrrggggghhhhh · 18/05/2007 10:59

OMG purpleduck, that must have been so scary

Thank you heifer....YES he is! I'm going to get him to read this thread tonight. So if a message from me comes up later calling you all f**kwits..then I appologise but it will be dh!!!!

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