Am I being too sensitive to sexist language?

[Rhony]

During an important meeting, with many execs present, my male boss referred to me and a colleague as "the girls". After the meeting I asked that he did not do this again as it was patronising. He said I am overthinking it and being too sensitive. Aibu to challenge him?

"You may be being a bit unreasonable depending on whether or not he would refer to a group of men as boys"

That's easy. He wouldn't.

Thank you for all the responses. In hindsight, I believe he was unprofessional to use the word girls. It did feel belittling. I strongly believe he would not have referred to male colleagues in a similar way. That being said, it is his response that got to me. I did not expect an apology, but I do feel it is reasonable to expect him to address me in a manner that I deem appropriate, as well as one that is professional.

Yanbu. I think I'd find it belittling too, andworse that he was too proud to accept any feedback on the matter. Still you did well by raising it. I find that midwives often refer to women as girls and find this awful but haven't been brave enough to challenge it for some reason.

"depending on whether or not he would refer to a group of men as boys"

I'm pretty sure he would but it'd be in reference to lower status men like "the boys in the warehouse" or similar. Assuming you are not at the bottom of the pecking order you shouldn't be called girls either.

I appreciate those saying well done for raising the issue. I wonder why it can seem so difficult to challenge? It's taken me a lot to get to the point where i can.

@Balsamic and so it would be ok to call them girls if they were 'at the bottom of the pecking order'?

Rhony, I think the difficulty challenging - for me - is a bit of a fear of exactly the reaction you got, being thought to be over sensitive or precious. In the midwives' case, I can see they don't mean any harm but I still don't like it.

this is something that annoys me too. As for the pp who was called a "good girl

Am glad you both had the courage to raise it. I hope I would too but thankfully I've never had to. You are right OP his response is worse. He should have just agreed not to call you it in future even if he secretly disagreed. Not unreasonable to ask not to be referred to using a term you find derogatory.

I’ve just watched “Tootsie “ tonight and the issue comes up explicitly in the film.

Fwiw I think it helps to keep using the words woman and women at work. A lot of men were brought up with “lady” ....

YAsoooNBU. It will be interesting to see what he does next time.

YABU........ Men refer to each other as boys all the time, as do woman.

Do you want to be a Mumsnet snowflake?

Context is important with this sort of thing: if a female peer (or even conceivably a male peer) referred to a group of women as "girls" in an informal setting I wouldn't bat an eyelid. In this situation, in a formal meeting and from a male superior it is demeaning and you were right to pull him up on it.

And as someone else pointed out upthread, if people tell you you're being over-sensitive it is because they know they are in the wrong.

YANBU. I'm not usually irritated by it but today went in a pub where the toilets were marked "gorgeous girls" and "brilliant boys" and was a bit 🤔 even if that was evenhanded with the girl/boy nouns the adjectives leave a little to be desired!

Totally about the context. I often call the men at work "the boys" in an informal context. I wouldn't do so in a formal meeting. I am the only woman and they all have various ways of referring to me too, none of which I object to because of the context and the affection we all have (very close team). If I was ever referred to as something I felt inappropriate or uncomfortable with I'd raise it and expect it not to be done again - in your context I'm with you - I'd be more pissed off that your feelings weren't taken on board than the initial comment. YANBU.

There is a difference between "the boys" and referring to an individual adult man as a boy. The second practically never happens.

I had a female boss who addressed meetings where the others were all male as “boys”. Since she was in all other respects a superb boss, a joy to work for, we let it pass - but if it happened again I would do some 370-degree feedback or whatever it is called and suggest “fellows” or just “all”.

YANBU. It's patronising and infantilising.

"I had a female boss who addressed meetings where the others were all male as “boys”. "

It is possible she was making a point. I can see why it would. E tempting!

YABU........ Men refer to each other as boys all the time, as do woman.Do you want to be a Mumsnet snowflake?

Men can say what the fuck they like to each other. As can the women. This particular woman did not want to be referred to as a girl. This is a man naming women, not woman to woman. He was a boss, too, so worse.

Do you want to be a Mumsnet snowflake?

Of course not. Women are just supposed to shut up and be nice about the many and varied irritants which other groups might term 'microagressions':

'Microaggressions are the everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.'

In many workplaces, women are still a 'marginalised group'. Repeated exposure to irritants cause sensitivity. The problem are the irritants, not the response to them.

"Microaggressions"

Only on Mumnets.........

Grow up and get a grip.

"gringringrin Only on Mumnets........."
And other places where people think.

Oh god I can't stand these threads. People are such bloody liars.

I remember saying on one that I'd objected to my team (5 grown up professional)s being called the girls from legal. People swore blind that in their workplace people would refer to their lawyers as boys. I call bullshit frankly.

So no YANBU.

"People swore blind that in their workplace people would refer to their lawyers as boys. I call bullshit frankly. "

Or that it is perfectly normal to suggest that someone "has a word with the boy in the finance office" about their expenses.