long post, Sorry! My DF is 74. He separated from my DM around 12 years ago although they remained amicable for the mostpart and have remained friendly and see each other quiet regularly.
In August 2016 I became aware that my DF had a new 'friend' from the pub. Let's call her J. Now, J is in her late 30's and only a little bit older than me. She's also a heroin addict and someone that I am aware has a past as a sex trade worker. Not exactly who you want your vulnerable old DF having in his flat.
Anyway, I asked him who she was and he gave me a sob story of how she was raped and he was looking after her for a couple of weeks until she felt up to returning to the YMCA where she was staying.
That couple of weeks has turned into 19 months. During that 19 months she has: stolen his car x4, crashed and written off his car causing his motability vehicle being removed, assaulted him x 5 (that i know of), imprisoned him in his flat at least twice, tried accessing his online banking on several occasions, managed to obtain his pin code and bank cards and taken in excess of £7000, moved her girlfriend, Let's call her B, into the flat with her, they've had my dad driving drug dealers around, been taking drugs in his flat, stolen and traded in his property, and had a robbery staged whereby my DF was punched in the face and his car keys stolen although he managed to stay in the car. There's probably more but i can't remember all of the incidents.
Every time the police have become involved he has either declined to support a prosecution from the start or has withdrawn his statement at a later date. He will fall out with them for a couple of days but then they'll be back in his flat, living Scott free and creaming him for every penny hes got.
I have tried to speak to him about it logically. The police have tried. My DM has tried. Social services have tried. He will not see sense. He just keeps saying that they're his friends and what do i want him to do, sit in his flat watching TV all day?
I should add that my DF has a heart condition and has been in and out of coronary care for the last 6 years. He's also diabetic and not a young 74.
I have tried everthing that i can to help him but he is not willing to accept help.
He has tried having these women talk on the phone to my 3yo DD and asked if he could bring them round at Xmas which he was flatly told no and we do not want drugs around the DC.
Fast forward to Monday, I missed a call from my DF and he accidentally left a voicemail. During the call I could hear someone asking about seizing his clothing for evidence. Obviously the police.
So I called back and asked what was going on. He said he'd been arrested and taken to a neighbours house all day whilst the police searched his flat. He couldn't tell me what for or any other details so i called 101. They assured me that they had been in contact with DF and that someone would call to update me. I then got a call from CID who told me that he'd been falsely imprisoned in his flat again and knocked unconscious. When he came round he'd climbed through a window and shouted until neighbours heard him and called the police. J and B had been arrested and would be interviewed in the morning. He was going to be interviewed by specialist officers to take his account and they'd updaye me. Next day I got a call from the officer dealing with the case who advised that my DFs story had changed quite a bit and he seemed a bit confused. I asked that he be assessed for capacity as he has been forgetting a lot lately. He was assessed and deemed to have capacity but making poor choices. J and B denied all in interview. They gave some bullshit story about how they care about him and he's a friend. They also said that they have been supplying DF with drugs.
I went to see him to confront him about it all. He said that the police were lying and he'd just had a diabetic episode and that J and B were helping him. He doesn't know how the police came to be involved. When I asked him about the drugs he denied it but eventually admitted to smoking a crack pipe with them every now and then!!!!
I was mortified and told him that whilst he's acting like an idiot he isn't allowed contact with DC and I won't have anything to do with him. Ive tried to help numerous times but he isn't willing to accept it. I said if he agrees to accept help from the safeguarding team, move flat and cut all ties then he can see us all again but if not then he will miss out on the last few years he has with my 2 DC and me. He just shrugged his shoulders!
I feel gutted about it all. AIBU to cut all contact given how old and frail he is? I'm certain he doesn't have more than 5 years left in him, if he's lucky. We didn't have the best relationship to start with buy FFS his DGC should be worth more to him that that! He's chosing them over his family! 