To be worried about being a sad empty nester?

[Contrabassista]

My son is taking his A levels imminently and all being well, will be off to university in September.
It’s just been the two of us since he was 4. We have lived in several countries together mainly due to my work, before coming back to the uk for his high school education. He hasn’t seen his father for 6 years- his father lives overseas and has shown little interest and paid even less maintenance but that’s another story!
We don’t live in each other’s pockets, he has his friends, he’s a great cook, ready to leave home and I’m so excited for him- about how he’ll enjoy university and the life that will lead to. He’s also transgender which means we have been through a lot so have a very close bond perhaps because of that. He’s coped really well with it and is very happy with that side of things.
I’m just going to miss him! So I guess I just want to hear from others that have been through the same thing. I can’t picture life after he leaves and am putting things in place work wise to keep really busy and make the most of the freedom it will bring by going to work abroad more etc.
How did you cope, other than getting loads of cats and a gin habit?

My daughter is about to do A levels and leave for uni too. I'll still have my husband and younger son here but I'm constantly thinking about what life will be like after September. She's my chatting and debating buddy, my husband and son aren't great chatters so I'm going to feel really lonely when she's gone. I need a plan to combat this

Aww OP. I'm sorry - it something I've been through but it sounds hard, especially when you are obviously close and have a lovely relationship.

Do you have any hobbies you used to do or would like to try that you can throw yourself into? Or could you arrange coffees etc with any other parents you know from his year? They'll probably be feeling the same way!

You get to enjoy them not being there. Ds went off to UK at 16 to board for sixth form, so had some time to get used to him being away prior to university.

I really notice a difference when he is home now - I can't run around in my undies if I want to; I have to be aware that I need to have bread and milk in at all times; meals have to be cooked (or he cooks them), whereas I just might not bother if dh is away and it's just me.

I travel more with dh (if I can get the cats into the cattery) since ds has been at university. I do things that I like, without having to be home at a certain time (except for feeding the cats).

I seem to have 'me' back again, as opposed to being defined against a backdrop of being 'Mum'. As ds is now 22, I have to make myself stop worrying about him, and think that at his age, I considered myself fully adult, and was married and on house number 2. It's interesting to note the changes in our relationship - not yet equals, but not so much parent and child (except when he is down/wants something/needs a more adult ear).

Scary, yep that has occurred to me. I think we are both ready for this and I’m half dreading it and half looking forward to the freedom. I’ve had to curtail my career substantially because of parenting and I don’t regret that for a second. Having said that, it will be quite nice to be able to pursue that and outside interests completely again. I’ve forgotten what it feels like in all honesty! So it’s a bit of feeling guilty about looking forward to it a bit as well as dreading missing him loads too. It’s a weird combination of emotions. But being 45, single and child free certainly does have it’s attractions!

@SluttyButty I'll be in exactly the same position as you next year.. the boys have their footy together and I will miss my daughter so much 😞

I have been through this as both my sons left for uni at the same time and I had brought them up on my own for several years.
I was secretly dreading it for years and as the time came closer I would always find myself in tears thinking about it. Always thinking this will be the last time I / we do this etc.
Leaving my first at uni was heartbreaking and I cried all the way home on my 3 hr drive, only to know I would have to go through it all a week later again with my other son.
It was an emotionally wearing time and I wondered how long I would feel bereft. At first I used to leave their bedroom doors open as I felt they were still at home, although ironically they always kept them shut of course.
The house seemed so empty without them, but I also accepted that this is part of growing up and they were now becoming independent young men.
In the first year they both used to come home at different weekends once a month so infact it seemed as if they were home a lot and if you include the long holidays they were home a great deal of time.
They are both coming to the end of their third year now, the oldest has spent this year in America as part of his course. Life has changed yes, but we haven't lost our closeness.

I worried how i would fill my time when youngest went to school, I soon found I had nothing to worry about, I worried when he went to High school, again, there wasnt enough hours in the day. As each child went off to uni, I noticed how I spent my time was changing, and when he graduated and moved out for work, again I found my groove. Initially it seems daunting and you still put out their cup for coffee etc but life takes you in new directions, BOTH of you will soon find new ways to spend your time.Its bitter sweet and at my lowest times, I consoled myself with, this was MUCH better than him not succeeding and out living life. A couple of his peers didnt get the jobs they so wanted and still live at home, doing jobs outwith their fields. Cats & gin are a LONG way off

Thank you, that really helps. Good to know you haven’t lost the closeness and it’s not just me having a cry about the thought of it. I’ll put a hold on the shipment of gin xx

My DS is planning on moving abroad later this year and I’m both excited for him and dreading it in equal measure! We’re going to keep in touch via Skype so that will give me something to look forward to when I miss him! Also planning to go out and visit him after he’s settled in etc. (Just to note, he does want me to do these things, am not being an annoying mum! Lol).

I’m planning on doing a lot more travelling. Which does unfortunately mean I won’t be able to get loads of cats! I do already have a lot of hobbies, so I have that to fall back on. I’m also going to get a lodger as it’ll serve the dual purpose of giving me extra cash, and making the house not feel as empty!

I've got a year longer than you but am kind of looking forward to it. I love dd but she's ready to leave.....shes very independent. So much so I worry she wont keep in touch much.

We get on fine, but I think I'm a bit of an irrelevance in her life. 😁 unless she wants something!

Maybe once she goes I will miss her more than what I think I will. I know I will miss her a bit but not expecting empty nest syndrome. I'm busy at work and spend a lot of time down the gym.