XH gave suspected CMPA baby chocolate cake.

[Bryonie2017]

Background: H and I have been separated for 4 months now, DD had severe reflux as a baby which was slowly controlled with medication and cutting out dairy. She has no symptoms now so we are slowly weaning her off the meds and reintroducing dairy.

She is stage 1 reintroduction so she has a very small amount of cows milk cooked at a high heat. So a biscuit. We tried reintroduction about 6 weeks ago but she started symptoms so stopped for a bit. This is her first week trying again and it seems to be going fine. It was her first birthday over the weekend.

He usually takes her during the day every other weekend and has her at mine or takes her to his mums. He was off work for her birthday so he picked her up in the evening and had her during her birthday and brought her back in the evening. This is I believe her third overnight with him since we moved out.

After he brought her home and put her to bed he mentioned that she had had a chocolate cake for her birthday and is clearly fine. For context I did her a dairy free cake. I didn't react at the time, I was pretty shocked and I also shut down around him because of our history (lying, gaslighting, lack of support)

And now I'm not sure how to address it or if I should even try - his argument would be that it's only ever been suspected CMPA and she is clearly fine and he is the parent and can feed her whatever he wants.

Although I'm worried and angry that she could have easily been violently I'll (ill still be on edge today) i don't know what a confrontation will achieve except a massive argument and him doing whatever he wants anyway. And going full nuclear and stopping contact seems like an over reaction.

This man makes it hard for me to think rationally due to our issues so I would appreciate an outside perspective.

Is he lying? Is he trying to create conflict?

Was anyone else present who could say if she had the cake or not?

If she is OK I would just make a note of it and keep it for another day.

You say CMPA was suspected when dd had severe reflux as a baby but has it been diagnosed?

Nowadays there are tests available which offer an official diagnosis: skin prick tests for CMA are quick and accurate, patch tests will flag up an allergy that causes delayed onset symptoms (e.g. dermatitis/rash or delayed abdominal issues) and a blood test will establish a severe allergy that would require medication.

I'd be tempted to lie and tell him she was ill in the hope it would make him think twice next time. You don't play fast and loose with allergies.

Please dont do this. People who lie about allergies make it much more difficult to get allergies taken seriously.

You cannot ‘stop contact’ so get that out of your head as a power you have.

Totally, bugs me no end when women talk like this, this shouldn't even be in your head to play god with your DD seeing her father it is her right.

In regards to the actual question if your ex knows you are reintroducing dairy and have tried biscuits is cake not basically the same? It doesn't sound like he is intentionally putting her in harms way or going against her wishes but you need to work together moving forward in new care plans/medical changes.

The OP says in both the title and in her post that her DD was suspected as CMPA so assume undiagnosed.

Start keeping a food diary if you don't do it already. And use it to keep a note of when your ex does things like this. I think it was an odd thing for him to do, given that there are worries about food intolerances, and I'd keep an eye on it.