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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What assumptions would you make if I said

47 replies

Ohgodawkward · 14/05/2018 23:46

(Off the back of another thread!)

I was a 25 year old girl, attractive, good enough job, lives in a big city, has been travelling etc... Social and gregarious, has dated... BUT no long term relationships yet and has only had sex once.

OP posts:

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 15/05/2018 01:36

Based on new info I would say extreme workaholic, unable to commit, puts one self down, can never live up to own expectations

lostinjapan · 15/05/2018 01:54

I suppose I'd find it slightly unusual that you'd had sex just the once. If you'd told me you were a virgin I wouldn't find that particularly unusual. I'd think you were very religious, or it was a cultural thing, or you were waiting for the right guy. But to have sex just once and nothing since - unless you're saying you lost your virginity recently - I'd probably assume that you had some issues around sex.

I don't mean that in a negative way at all (your life sounds pretty great). I'm just going off my own experience of losing my virginity at 19 and wanting to make up for lost time.

BoomBoomsCousin · 15/05/2018 02:03

I would probably think you might lack confidence in your body/sexuality or that you might have a very high emotional/commitment threshold for physical intimacy. But it might also cross my mind that you were pretty asexual.

In contrast to some other posters, I doubt I'd be introducing you to my son (or daughter if you were both gay). Not that I'd be trying to stop you from meeting, it's not bad, but it's not something that particularly adds to your attractiveness as a potential partner.

Plumsofwrath · 15/05/2018 02:12

I’d assume:

you’re highly religious; and/or
you have a lot of self-respect and high self-esteem, or that you struggle with intimacy;
you’re modern;
you should start thinking about changing things if you want marriage then kids (whether hetero- or homosexual)

Original poster

Ohgodawkward · 15/05/2018 02:12

It’s body confidence and the fact I want to be in a relationship before I have sex again. But mainly body confidence. I am very self conscious about one aspect of my naked body and am looking at surgical options before I next have sex

OP posts:

Bexter801 · 15/05/2018 02:47

Is it too forward to ask what your conscious of?

Original poster

Ohgodawkward · 15/05/2018 02:51

Don’t really want to go into it if that’s ok but it’s something that is a known thing and other people with it have reported similar feelings of self consciousness

OP posts:

Bexter801 · 15/05/2018 02:54

Totally understandable,but do hope you overcome it. I'm assuming surgery is the only option

Original poster

Ohgodawkward · 15/05/2018 02:56

In fairness it is cosmetic but it is mainly for me rather than for someone else. I just want it done and feel like I will be more at ease once sorted

OP posts:

Bexter801 · 15/05/2018 02:59

I'm an idiot...just read over your op'I was a 25 year old girl' so is surgery a possibility?

Original poster

Ohgodawkward · 15/05/2018 03:04

Yes it is - for clarification, I am a 25 year old girl btw issue along these lines www.cosmopolitan.com.au/lifestyle/my-breasts-almost-ruined-my-life-10894

OP posts:

Bexter801 · 15/05/2018 03:12

Am sad to hear you say you 'were a 25 year old girl'..I admittedly assumed you meant a different part of anatomy. Op if you truly believe surgery will give you the confidence boost you need...go for it,but you stated you've only had sex once,which makes me wonder is it your lack of confidence or what you perceive people think of your body

Original poster

Ohgodawkward · 15/05/2018 03:18

They go hand in hand I think

OP posts:

Bexter801 · 15/05/2018 03:23

I disagree,what you think as maybe ugly,somebody else will adore...but ultimately it's how you feel

PatchworkWomble · 15/05/2018 03:29

I'd wonder if the one sexual experience that you have had maybe wasn't a good one (like the other person knocked your confidence or maybe you felt pressured or something else that made it an unpleasant experience).

seventh · 15/05/2018 03:45

I'd say that should you have the 'one thing' changed , you'll find another thing

Charley50 · 15/05/2018 08:18

From your last update I find it really sad for you that you feel this way about your body and it's getting in the way of your love/sex life.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 15/05/2018 08:22

I would worry that in a few years you’ll look back and wish the yd embraced your youth a bit more. I don’t mean you have to sleep around but I would think you were a little up tight. are you enjoying life?

userabcname · 15/05/2018 08:32

I think you sound similar to me tbh. I didn't have sex until I met my DH (a few fumbles with a few idiots at uni but not full sex). I was 24 when we started dating and I had sex for the first time. Now married with a DS (I'm 30). I don't regret not sleeping around - I thoroughly enjoyed uni, travelling, partying...feel I had a good time and without the worry/commitment of a ltr. That said, I couldn't ever imagine having a ONS or sleeping around with lots of people - even if DH and I ever divorce I would want to be in a relationship before sleeping with someone else. I appreciate that's an "odd" opinion and I know that lots of people enjoy casual sex but it's not for me.

BoobleMcB · 15/05/2018 08:46

I'd say the way you reacted to @PuffyCat says more than your OP. You claim to be happy as he'll etc yet felt the need to get some sort of validation on here. Clearly seems to have some esteem issues (which you've since admitted)

If I'd just have read your OP I'd have said that sounds perfectly fine, someone who doesn't put a lot of importance on sex. Prioritised other things.

Original poster

Ohgodawkward · 15/05/2018 09:15

One night stands have never made me happy. I’ve had about ten minus the full sex bit but always stop when it gets to that - I’ve never fancied the people enough nor felt like I had a strong enough connection to want it to go further really. I don’t regret th decision. On the other hand, I’ve come close to having relationships with men who I really did want to have sex with but then it became a bigger deal as I was less inclined to do it on the first couple of dates.

I really don’t think I’ve wasted my youth at all tbh! Plenty more to come and I’ve had more than my fair share of drunken snogs, flirtations and more. I do want this year to be a bit more open on that front though - perhaps welcome in a slaggy phase I don’t know, why not, it’s just I can’t properly fancy someone until I know them a bit more. Does that make sense? It’s really rare for me to want to do anything more than drunken bjt passkonate snogging with someone I’ve met that night on a nihhh out :s But then again I don’t want to waste my youth. I feel like I have kissed so many frogs (30?! More?) so I’m hardly inexperienced - just hate the idea of dtd with someone I don’t really fancy

OP posts:

BlueJava · 15/05/2018 09:25

I'd assume you are lovely, at no age does the no LT relationship/sex become an issue. Those things are private to you.

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