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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being oversensitive

19 replies

SnipperSnapper · 14/05/2018 23:23

One of my parents said to me that it would be hard not to be depressed with what a disappointment I turned out to be.

I’m sitting here crying, am I right to be upset or am I overreacting?

For the record I’m not a bad person, I’m suffering from depression & anxiety so I’m not functioning to the best of my ability just at the minute - which is what they were getting at. My other sibling is the golden child & im the big fat disappointment 😭

OP posts:

Locotion · 14/05/2018 23:25

Did they actually say that or is it what you wanted to hear / thought they were implying?

If actual words - no you are not oversensitive.

UpstartCrow · 14/05/2018 23:26

You're not a big fat disappointment, you're the scapegoat. The best thing you can do for yourself is get angry, not depressed. Go no contact and force them to manage without you

DalmatianDots · 14/05/2018 23:26

If that’s a direct quote then no, not insensitive.

Original poster

SnipperSnapper · 14/05/2018 23:27

No those were the actual words they used

OP posts:

DalmatianDots · 14/05/2018 23:27

Sorry, I mean over sensitive.

greenlynx · 14/05/2018 23:35

I don't think you are overreacting even if they were only implying it. It's a nasty awful thing to say to your child. And I could guess that their bad parenting is the reason for your anxiety/ depression and low confidence. I'm furious on your behalf.
How old are you? Are you visiting or living with parents? Or was it a phone call?

Puffycat · 14/05/2018 23:42

Bloody hell thats harsh OP.
There’s clearly shit loads more to your situation than you were able to put in your post.
My advice tonight, as it’s v late, would be don’t stay up late drinking, playing music and crying feeling shite.
Get yourself snuggled up and then tomorrow think about maybe having a chat with them, and then maybe get some proper support to get you feeling stronger and braver.
Muriel’s Wedding quote”I’m not nothing! “

Labradoodliedoodoo · 14/05/2018 23:46

Parents that scapegoat. They need to name someone as the black sheep to make them feel better about themselves.

The proper reaction to a depressed child would be love, support, listening.

But they are unkind, judgmental, harsh.

Time to create some space.

CaledonianQueen · 15/05/2018 01:06

Op your parents are toxic. You are absolutely not a failure, the only failure here is on their part in failing to have an ounce of compassion for you!

Have you heard of narcissists or Toxic parents? My outlaws were abusive to my dh (they are both controlling narcissists although his F was also a sociopath). We have been NC for years now and DH is so much happier, has much more confidence and has said he wants nothing more to do with them.

I recently read the books Toxic parents and Toxic in-laws both written by Susan Forward. It was honestly enlightening! I cannot recommend reading those books enough! My parents are toxic although nowhere near as bad as outlaws. My dh was called a huge disappointment and a failure, an awful person, a moron, an idiot, pathetic, disgusting and so many more awful things. He is the sweetest, kindest, most loving man and I am proud that he is my husband!

You don’t need to allow them to abuse you. The above books can help you change the toxic dynamic and confront them for their abuse!

TuTru · 15/05/2018 01:10

Harsh! And unkind words to someone they should definitely not being saying that to.
Ignore them, no wonder you get depressed.
Be kind to yourself don’t worry about their “disappointments” they’re not worth it if that’s what they say to a depressed daughter 🤔

TomDonaldson · 15/05/2018 06:53

They are the disappointment quite frankly.
They are clearly rubbish parents, good ones wouldn't say something like that.
I'm sorry this has happened to you and I hope you're OK.

Pengggwn · 15/05/2018 06:55

Assuming you haven't robbed a bank or burned down the Taj Mahal, that is an appalling thing for them to say and I would respond with, "To the end of not disappointing you any further, I will no longer be in contact."

Nousernameforme · 15/05/2018 06:58

I wouldn't try and talk to them about this. You will just be opening yourself up to more abuse. I think for me that would be the end of it and time to go non contact

Troels · 15/05/2018 07:34

Back away frim the crazy parents OP, time to concentrate on looking after yourslf. What nasty people they are.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 15/05/2018 07:47

As there is a big back story it's difficult to know what to say.

Are they implying you are lazy and are using your anxiety as an excuse not to have a job, look good or get on with your life?

We would really need your parents point of view to give impartial advice.

Can you should seek help for for anxiety (are you under a GP?) and lose some weight?

MereDintofPandiculation · 15/05/2018 08:41

Someone who says that to you doesn't have your interests at heart, and therefore their comment has no validity or truth whatever. From now on you need never pay attention to anything they say ever again.

justilou1 · 15/05/2018 12:30

I ended up going to a psychiatrist to be told that sometimes depression and anxiety is the logical response to shit like this.

That was a horrible thing to say. You probably wouldn’t say something like that to a friend or even a stranger - and let’s be honest, neither would they...

FUCK... THEM!!!

TheMythOfFingerprints · 15/05/2018 12:35

lose some weight ?!

I can suggest a way op can lose about 24 stone.

Your parents sound fucking awful

5foot5 · 15/05/2018 12:41

You only mention one parent in your OP and frankly that parent sounds appalling and what they said says more about them than you.

Is you other parent still alive / on the scene? What is he or she like towards you? Could they give you some of the help and support you might need because really it sounds like you would be better distancing yourself from this nasty person who speaks to you like this.

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