Aibu to ask if anyone did really badly at school...

[Needabreakfrommybrain]

Dd1 is 6, in Y1 and is really struggling academically. Bottom group for everything and no sign of improving. She hasn’t got many friends (not one party invite this year so far) but is generally happy and unaware of lack of friends or how she is doing at school. I worry about her constantly and put in as many extra hours as I can with her at home without making home life miserable, and while working one to one she does well but left on her own to get on with things she loses all concentration. She has private speech therapy lessons and was seeing an OT who’s diagnosed reflex issues but no sensory issues. She’s a really beautiful lovely little girl who tries so hard.
Did anyone here do badly at school but is now doing well as an adult? I’m so worried for her future.

Is this a real question? How awful for your daughter that you are condemning her as unacademic at the age of 6! Stop doing extra work at home. 6 year olds don't need it! What sort of school puts 6 year olds into sets??

My dc's school put them into sets at 6

Besides that point though, I think the most important thing is all round confidence building. Learning through play and experimentation. Go out of your way to praise her small achievements.

I know several children who were like this at primary age. They went through primary and some of secondary with extra support, time out of class for intervention groups and so on. When they GCSE results came out they did better (even A*s!) than my middle of the road daughter who was far too laid back about it all. They knew they had to work hard and had developed a work ethic that she never did!
School is much harder than it was with very high expectations, but the staff at school should be on top of what's needed for your DD to reach her full potential, whether that's being a rocket scientist or a shop assistant. Just concentrate of her happiness and help her with her homework x

Oh and don't take the group's to seriously in Y1, you'll find by Y6 she could well have changed groups several times. They're all so different, she'll find her groove

Lots and of time to develop. My DS couldn't count to 20 in year 2.

3 years on and he can hold his own in maths and heading for top set.

Don't worry..... Easier said than done. Speak to teachers and make sure you have support needed.

From a quick read I'm wondering if there's any possibility of ADHD?
I know it's a "popular" diagnosis at the moment but if she is able to achieve with one-to-one support but easily distracted in class and loses concentration in different situations then it might easily be ADHD. Even if she is not particularly hyperactive she might have 'Inattentive' ADD. It's worth asking your GP (or the school?) for a referral to an Educational Psychologist and specifically asking about the possibility of ADHD.

Her academic achievements at 6 need not indicate where she will be at 18 so just keep looking for all the right help!

Learning is supposed to be fun. It's not a race to the top before the age of 10!
My DD1 could hardly read at age 8 and then she discovered a series of books that sparked her interest.
She is now 15 years old and bookworm. She is in top sets at school and is predicted grade 7 and 8s.
All children learn at different paces. Keep it fun and the rest will follow.

Carry on as you are. A little bit of work every day will pay huge dividends. It just takes time.

There are lots of examples of successful people who struggled at school. I was told by a very successful playwright that she was in the bottom set for English at school. One of her plays is a set text on the English Literature GCSE. Michael Morpurgo failed to get into grammar school. It was noted over the weekend when the Times Rich List was published that many of the people at the top of the list achieved little at school. Churchill was a failure at school, Mary Berry struggled academically. It's worth remembering that successful people aren't always the most academically gifted.

Bloody hell she is only 6! Calm down

Yes I did . Really badly academically. For four poor o levels (never for maths) and one very poor a level. I did ok in life after doing a secretarial course, eventually becoming a vocational.trainer at 40 became a CEO - higher position and salary than many of my former bosses and many who have degrees and masters degrees.

Don’t worry OP, children’s development is not always linear. My eldest really struggled in her early years, and we didn’t discover she was dyslexic until she was 10. She only made level 1 at KS1 for maths, and the expected level 2 for English. Got a full sweep of top level 5 for KS2, and A* and As at GCSE. So things can change a lot as they develop and mature. You are doing the right thing by being supportive.

I feel your pain OP. My DD is 10 and has similar issues. I'm not concerned that she isn't academic but I worry for the long road of high school ahead and her self esteem. As for your point about not being academic but doing well as an adult my DH left school with no qualifications but is hugely successful in his field. X

I was half asleep at school until around year 5 or 6.
Was nervous and hadn’t got a clue.
Kids develop at different rates so I wouldn’t worry too much.

My brother is dyslexic and was behind at primary school, v late to learn to read. He ended up with a degree in English

I think you’re doing a wonderful job OP - she’s a lucky girl to have a mum who’s so invested in her.
Your little one sounds very like my niece. She’s 15 now and isn’t hugely academic either, my sister used to worry too....but she needn’t have done...my niece is an incredible dancer and is very very artistic...and most importantly, a happy, content girl. Both her sisters are incredibly academic and I think it was difficult for my sister not to compare all three daughters. Each child is different - the being part of a group thing isn’t important- and as others have said, the dynamics change so much - often the very popular child in Y1 becomes the not so popular one on Y6, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that your daughter feels loved and cherished at home and this’ll give her the confidence to be whoever she wants to be in life generally.
Gentle encouragement and one to one at home with you will really build up her confidence - maybe she’ll never be incredibly academic, but so what - who knows where her talents will lie?
Sending you flowers]

I think it’s good to help her at home. It can’t do any harm.

There are lots of options for non academic kids. Maybe google your local colleges and see what’s out there so you can put your mind at ease. What you want is to help her to do the best she can even if that’s not something academic. There will be a million examples of non academic kids growing up to be successful adults.

DS2 was like this agec six. Bottom set, no friends, lots of physical and medical issues which impeded on his learning. I sympathise with you so much as it can be so worrying. But try not to fixate on it, as that really doesn't help and DC pick up on it. Make home life fun. Invite children round and stop caring if the invites aren't reciprocated.

Btw, although DS does have diagnosed SEN needs - more than one - he's currently sitting GCSEs, has just booked a birthday party with a group of friends and is already thinking about which unis to apply for. Ironically, one of his best subjects now is English and he was in the bottom set for literacy all through infant school.

You don't need to force the academic stuff at this stage. She's tiny. Just read her stories, ask her questions, tell her about life, do things with her. If they know they're loved and you do what you can to help them thrive, they'll be fine.

P.S. One of our neighbours was telling us recently she failed every exam she ever sat, and was politely asked to leave in sixth form after failing all her resits. 😂
She now runs her own very successful business and is one of the happiest people I know!

I was a straight A student, and am now a SAHM. (I understand how you feel entirely. My eldest is Asd and I wish I had a crystal ball...) My brother was exceptionally unacademic, dyslexic and was bullied/beaten up a lot. He now has a chain of businesses (built up from his third apprenticeship, he lost the first two for being a bit hapless) and is very financially stable, big house etc. My DSIS was an average C grade student and is now head of her department (but not the most well paid job).

My point is, we just don't know. All you can do is support them as best as you can. Try not to fret too much.

My little brother struggled massively at school - dyslexia / but went on to get a first at uni and is great demand in his job..

I didn't do great at all at school (not a "failure" either, so went under the radar). My year 8 (13 years) son is currently under assessment for HF ASD and ADHD - his lack of focus is worse than mine was but obviously I've read a lot about it and its dawned on me that I'm probably slightly on the spectrum, but in particular i have all the hallmarks of ADD. Too lazy too be hyperactive haha ... but all the comments from my parents and teachers (always daydreaming, looking out of the window, lazy, can't be bothered unless something fires her imagination ...) make sense.
I wasn't popular either, I had some friends but not many.

I did do ok in the end. I forced myself to become hyper organised and thrive on deadlines and pressure. If there's no adrenaline, I'm very distractable! I'm now a partner in a law firm. My parents seen a bit baffled by this after their struggles to get me engaged at school.

My son is affected more strongly and I think he'll need specialist support, but I feel sure he's got it in him to find his niche and succeed in his own way. I've been pushing to get a diagnosis since primary but i was firstly fobbed off, and the process is looooong once it does start.

What I'm trying to say is, your daughter may or may not have ADD but if she has, it's better to get the ball rolling early. It wasn't really a thing when i was young but if it was, a diagnosis and support might have saved me (and my parents and teachers) years of frustration, loss of confidence and exam retakes!

Well I was very bad at school, bottom sets in everything, half asleep through primary school. I got 5 A-C GCSEs (could have helped if I actually revised and took them seriously). Left school, did a GNVQ Advanced Health and social care (like 2 A levels), went to uni and got an upper second class degree in Psychology, MSc Health Psychology, looking to do a PhD in Clinical Psychology when kids are older. So there you go. Development varies in children. My ds 6 is the same as your DC, bottom in everything and having extra support.

Dp didn't get school. He left with 1 GCSE grade c. He graduated with a 1st class degree when he was 27. He thinks he was immature and just didn't get it. It took him a while to find something that really floated his boat and when he did he was away. He has a great career now as an electronics engineer. Dd's dad was the same. Left school with nothing. Worked his way up from the bottom and now has an 80k job. I look at people I went to school with and the people who have done well are not necessarily the ones you would expect and vice versa.

I did badly. I was a very advanced reader but my handwriting was illegible and my maths was way below the standard of my peers. I had good ideas and could write a sophisticated story but had no attention span.

I went through periods of having no friends too.

I got a degree in acting from one of the best drama schools in the UK and have since had my fiction published in well known magazines and work as a freelance copywriter.

Thank God for computers.