To wonder why in laws don’t play with their grandson?

[cadburyegg]

My in laws live about an hour away and we see them every fortnight or so. DH and I have 2 DC, a baby and a 3 year old. DH is an only child.

MIL is always telling DH that she wishes we lived closer, that she wants to see the boys more, she feels she is missing out, that she always feels really sad when we leave their house to go home etc.

BUT when they actually see the DC, they make little effort. 3 yo is always wanting their attention, but they won’t read to him, or play with him. They just sit and expect him to entertain them. He actually asks “play with my Lego with me?” but they say no. No interest in holding the baby either.

I just don’t get it, why they rave about how much they love their GC and how they miss them so much etc etc but they make so little effort with them? AIBU? I just feel a bit sad for the kids tbh

YANBU - could you ask your in laws why they don't play with them?

Just say jokily, "you've come all this way and you're not going to play lego?"

They may be unsure how to interact? It sounds like they want to see them. Maybe you could try asking them to help the eldest with a jigsaw or something else where they won’t have to use their imagination or think up things to say. FWIW my mum has always been better once they are a bit older and she can boss them about

Maybe they just aren't very good at playing? It doesn't necessarily come naturally to some people. Could you all play together until the GPs gain a bit more confidence?

are you me?! I have exactly the same with my in laws. They talk to me and dh but when dd talks to them they hush her, then they complain "the children didn't seem very excited to see us!" But you won't let her talk...!

That's rubbish. You get back what you put in with kids!

I liken my father to someone who visits a zoo. He loves the animals and is delighted to see them, he'd go all the time if he could. But he doesn't want to pet them and if they got too close, he'd run. This is him and my dd. Delighted to have her around, likes to see her being lovely but the minute she needs feeding, entertaining, or shows her teeth, he leaves it to me. He loves her, he just shows it from a safe distance.

I can play with children perfectly well one-to-one, but I'm not going to do it with an audience. Especially when that audience includes a critical DIL.

—Val— You have NAILED it! That is the best description of my DPs relationship with my children (& with me & my siblings too really). They absolutely do love my dds, but they need not to be inconvenienced by any of the tricky/noisy/messy stuff.
My dm can manage to interact within strict parameters. The parameters are for her, not the children. She understands cooking, books, jigsaws and that’s about it.