to say something to the school?

[RagamuffinAndFidget]

I will be deliberately vague in this post but will try not to drip feed if I can help it!

There was a bit of an incident at school drop off this morning - nothing too serious, although it could have had dangerous consequences if people had not acted as quickly as they did. The incident involved one child and was the result of a number of small things not going quite as they should. Nobody was hurt but a couple of people were a bit shaken up at the thought of what could have happened. The child has some development issues and can be a bit of a handful.

I arrived just after the incident occurred and overheard the child's TA discussing the incident with another parent. She was saying some incredibly negative things about the child and giving quite a lot of detail about some of the behaviours they have noticed. I know the child quite well and it was immediately obvious to me who she was discussing, although it may not have been to someone who doesn't know them as well.

So, my question is (and it's more of a WWYD than an AIBU, sorry!) - should I have a word with someone at the school? I am not looking to get the TA into trouble but I don't think that the way she was talking to the other parent about one specific child was very professional.

I’m a former TA and you are definitely not being unreasonable to speak to School.

Please tell the school. Staff should not be discussing any child with a parent except their own, the TA needs to be reminded about confidentiality.

YABU

The TA was simply discussing the incident that had just happened with people who witnessed it. It's impossible to do that without mentioning the child involved.

So the TA was basically gossiping to a parent about another child.
She clearly needs training and reminding of confidentiality.

No it is Cal.

CalF123 do you live to be a goady twat? Your name keeps popping up on more and more threads, deliberately being antagonistic, provoking and argumentative against basic common sense. If you can't say anything nicely, don't say it at all.

Sorry to derail the thread, but ignore them, they're rude asf.
I would speak to the school!

If they witnessed it, no discussion necessary.

If they didn't, same.

The TA has absolutely no need to be gossiping keeping other parents informed.

Yes op, she clearly needs a confidentiality reminder.

CalFs a twat Queen ignore it.

She was saying some incredibly negative things about the child and giving quite a lot of detail about some of the behaviours they have noticed.

CalF
That is not discussing the incident, that is discussing the child.

(But is suspect you will ignore that bit for the sake of proclaiming 'everyone is wrong except our Jock' for the rest of the thread)

She needs reminding about confidentiallity and professionalism.

I think it really depends exactly what the TA was saying. If it was- "little Johnny is awful and I hate him, that's obviously unacceptable". If the parent was perhaps raising concern about the child's welfare, I think it would be fine for the TA to say "x incident has occurred but he's receiving appropriate support".

" The TA was simply discussing the incident that had just happened with people who witnessed it. It's impossible to do that without mentioning the child involved."

that is not really how professional confidentiality works though is it?

calF123 they shouldn’t be discussing anything , so yes fidget please report this

Name calling is not in the spirit of MN an this is offensive.

I used to be a Ta, confidentiality works on a need to know basis.
If I'm working with a child in year 2 with home problems and another TA from year 5 asks me about it, she doesn't need to know because she is not part of their care so I tell her nothing.

If I'm discussing my job and someone says "oh, my niece Sally goes there, do you know her?" I say no, even if Sally is in my class.
I wouldn't have discussed the incident or the child with another parent and, depending on the head, I might lose my job for it.

"x incident has occurred but he's receiving appropriate support".

But thats obviously NOT what she said is it?
OP was listening to TA disclosing things that happened inside school and behaviours exhibited by the child which are confidential. Nothing to do with the other parent nor appropriate to discuss, not pertinent to the incident. Unless the child was hers its none of her business how the child behaves in school or what issues they have with coping with life.

As usual dont let the facts get in the way of a good argument Calf

My son was bit at school years ago . The teacher was able to discuss it without naming the child .

I have discussed incidents with a child with sn’s I used his name teacher never did.

I think you also have to think about what might have happened if the TA hadn't answered any questions. If an incident had happened at the DC's school and staff then refused to discuss it, there'd be all sorts of rumours going round, and before you know it, the DC involved would have stabbed the head but still be allowed back in class.

At least this way, the TA can put a stop to any ridiculous chinese whispers going round and hopefully ensure parents aren't concerned about their DC's safety. I can certainly imagine a situation where a 'difficult' child is involved in an incident like this, and you then end up with all sorts of parents contacting the head, the council and the local press to complain about their DC's safety being 'threatened'.

It doesn't matter a tiny rats wank what we think could have hapoened she's not allowed to breach the confidentiality of the children.

Wtf is so hard to comprehend? GF

Jesus wept.

TA did not have to answer any personal questions about a child in her care, in fact she is bound not to. Its called confidentiality!

A TA DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DISCUSS A CHILDS BEHAVIOURS IN OR OUTSIDE SCHOOL WITH OTHER RANDOM PARENTS!

All she needed to say was it had been witnessed and will be dealt with and school knew about the incident. End of.

Parents concerned may have been contacted by school but standing gossiping about a child is not acceptable. Telling parents about a childs problems -THAT is exactly how rumours spread.

CalF123 read the post again . The TA was saying negative things about the child and talking about the childs behaviour
what part of that is acceptable ?

Absolutely inform the school. Total breach of confidentiality and lack of respect...it is not the child's fault. Please do report

YANBU

Cal is a GF who is best ignored

It’s not ok for the TA to be discussing a child with any other parents. Only the parents of the child need to be part of any discussion, and i would expect it to be done privately not where other parents like OP could overhear

In this situation I would report exactly what you overheard to the Head teacher, it is a breach of confidentiality and the TA needs reminding of her responsibility towards the pupil and the school. Then I would email the HT to confirm what both you and the HT said and I would keep a copy of the email in case of another breach of confidentiality or in case the HT declines to take action.

OK so, ignoring the obviously goady posts, the general consensus seems to be that I should say something to the school. I will pop in and speak to the head tomorrow. It's a fairly small infants school so I can just have a quick informal chat with her, but I can put something in writing via email too if needs be.

Cal just to put your mind at ease, because you really do seem overly concerned about the other parents panicking over this incident it was a fairly minor thing involving just this child and would only ever have involved this child, even if it had been more serious. The child in question is at the lower end of infants school so fairly unlikely to be running around stabbing people. The incident was not something that needed a mass discussion, except between the very small number of people who witnessed it/dealt with it. You can stop worrying now.