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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move kids school when they are happy?

34 replies

Bigfishylittlefishy · 14/05/2018 13:21

Hi im a stay at home parent to my two children. They currently attend a "nice, MC" school, and they're both doing well and have nice friends.

The school has zero space in the before and after school clubs (my sons been on the waiting list for 2 years now) in years 1 and 3.

AIBU to move the children so that i can return to work? I have been offered a good opportunity but would require them in breakfast club. All the childminders are also full.

So aibu or selfish to consider moving them from a school where they are both doing well with friends?
The other school is situated in a deprived council estate so i am frightened.

I am well aware this comes across as snobby, hell i was born and raised on a council estate. Times seem to be different now. There has recently been another shooting and i am afraid of the unknown.

Other option is to keep them where they are but not work for many years to come :( my husband is out the doot early and returns home late.

Im feeling very conflicted. I dont need to work. We are not rich but we get by. Thanks.

OP posts:

Confusedbeetle · 14/05/2018 13:25

No, you should not change schools they are happy with just so you can return to work. Find alternative after-school care or don't go back to work yet

thegreylady · 14/05/2018 13:26

I wouldn’t sacrifice my children’s happiness so I could go back to work if I didn’t need to. I suggest a meeting with the school to discuss your dilemma and grovel a bit re the clubs but if it didn’t work I’d look for a school hours job. What would you do in the holidays anyway?

waterrat · 14/05/2018 13:26

Op surely you can find a local student/ part time nanny/ person studying childcare for example/ who would do pick up and drop off?

Do you live in a city?

I would really exhaust all other options before moving them - but yes personally I would move them if it meant I could work.

Snowysky20009 · 14/05/2018 13:27

If you don't need to work, why jeopardise your children's education? Doesn't make sense.

Original poster

Bigfishylittlefishy · 14/05/2018 13:31

My husband has a lot of the school holidays off.

In terms of grovelling re the clubs, I have done all I can.

They are both confident but its a gamble isn't it moving them when currently they are doing well/have friends.

Thanks for replying. The work opportunity was in the day, not evening and was relevant to the degree that I am studying via The Open University.

Feeling very restless as a SAHM for many years but ultimately know their happiness comes before my ambition.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bigfishylittlefishy · 14/05/2018 13:34

Water rat. The childminders are full in terms of pick up/drop offs. I
There is only 2 CMs who pick up from my kids school. I live on the outskirts of a city. A nanny is not an option financially.

The before and after school unavailability is an issue for many of the mums that i know. Both sets of grandparents still work full time.

OP posts:

Penguinspandas · 14/05/2018 13:35

I wouldn't change children's schools. We had massive childcare problems here but I managed to get an au pair one time and change hours the others. Can your DH do drop off, there's normally a solution eventually.

MismatchedPJs · 14/05/2018 13:39

No harm in looking round the school, if you haven't already.

It's posible you'll be blown away by the new school. If not, I think there has to be a third way. It can't be that your only path to happiness is this one specific job and nothing good will happen for years if you don't take it. Find something similar, or a volunteer role, or set up your own cottage business. Do something to get happy. Don't just sit there sacrificing your own happiness for years, that can't be your only other option.

Luisa27 · 14/05/2018 13:42

No you definitely shouldn’t move your children in my opinion.
If no childminders are free and there are no places in school club - have you considered employing a mother’s help in your own home for an hour or so at the beginning and end of each school day? A number of friends of ours do this and it works perfectly - could be another mum or a lady who lives locally or similar - or someone who works part-time and would like an extra few hours each week? For peace of mind - you could pay for a DBS check/ First Aid course - relatively inexpensive. It would save your children the upheaval and upset of changing schools and allow you to return to work.

Jammiebammie · 14/05/2018 13:44

I definitely wouldn’t move them, and risk their happiness.
We had no choice but to move dds a few years ago, and our oldest dd really suffered with friendships and it made her very unhappy for a long time - I would never actively chose to move a child from a good school where they are happy with solid friendships.

Are there after school clubs at other schools nearby? Our school collects from 3 other schools in the catchment to attend after school club.

You have many options, different working hours, put your name down with every child for a waiting list. Most nurseries take children after school too.

Wishing you luck!

educatingarti · 14/05/2018 13:46

Do you have a spare room? It sounds as if having an au pair might be a good solution ( although it does change the family dynamic having a young adult living as part of the family)

Original poster

Bigfishylittlefishy · 14/05/2018 13:46

He can't as he's out the house at 5.30am. He gets in around half 4. I really have exhausted every avenue. Nannies and au/pairs are not in our budget.

Thanks for all your replies. I just feel like I have had to sacrifice a huge amount by not working which i know sounds terribly ungrateful but the other current alternative doesn't sound too rosy either.

Im usually very good at just listening to my own instinct and have never had to post on a forum before but I have felt very conflicted. The other school does very well on ofsted and I'm sure it must get lots of funding. Just seems like madness moving them both when they are both happy.

And it seems others think that way.

Im 30 this year, so I have time on my side. Its just hard sometimes being a SAHM. I mean it certainly isn't stressful but I loved working in my field prior to having children.

OP posts:

NanFlanders · 14/05/2018 13:51

Facebook post asking if any of your friends know a nice reliable sixth former or student, who could give them breakfast, walk them in and still get in to their classes in time?

FizzyGreenWater · 14/05/2018 13:53

You shouldn't move schools - but what is your H's job? Because one of the options here is for it to be the case that he CAN'T continue with the schedule he has now and will have to look into taking responsibility for either drop off or pick up.

You've sucked it up for a long time. You're saying CAN'T to going back to work... but CAN'T is not being applied to him.

What does he do?

Original poster

Bigfishylittlefishy · 14/05/2018 13:53

Feeling very happy to get these replies.

I'm currently about to start my third year of my Open Uni degree so I'm not just sitting at home unhappy and resentful. It will take me 6 years to complete but Im not sure how useful it will be with no real experience. My hearts not in setting up a business, I think for that to work your heart has to be in it.

I'm not going to move them. Even if the other school is great, they are already doing well.

I know it feels silly asking this online but I really did need some subjective opinions.

OP posts:

MazDazzle · 14/05/2018 13:57

How old are your kids OP?

Have you been to visit the other school? Do you know any of the parents there?

I’m in the same position as you. No before/after school childcare at all. I’ve exhausted every possibility. It’s very frustrating. I was able to take a career break from my job, but I’m due back in a year. My kids are moving school in August. Thankfully, their new school is better than their current one, but I’m still worried.

I’ve had a total of 5 and a half years off work (maternity leave and career break). I feel as if I’ve lost my identity a bit, so I completely understand why you’d want to return to work even if you don’t have to financially.

RealRamona · 14/05/2018 13:59

Can you come to an agreement with another parent in a similar situation? Otherwise, I think seeing if there's a local 'mothers' help' is a great idea, with a few safeguarding etc boxes ticked.

Where are you?

Your career and happiness are not unimportant, and they do matter, but I appreciate that gender inequalities are still alive and kicking for many of us (and I include myself in that demographic).

It's not easy. Best of luck.

Original poster

Bigfishylittlefishy · 14/05/2018 14:00

Thankyou Flanders. Something to think about.

Hi Fizzy. He works in a factory and it is a set shift. He is unskilled, and he gets decent pay. More than I could earn initially. He is also on a permanent contract which is a rarity in these ends in his field.

We live in a city in the Midlands, and permanent contracts are few and far between. So he is secure and our bills get paid each month with a bit on the side for extra luxuries.

I know it all must sound like a load of excuses.

OP posts:

grasspigeons · 14/05/2018 14:01

I didn't move my children, but I did pick my school mainly because it had a morning club. year 1 is a fine time to move, and year 3 less so but still leaves a good 3 years in the new school.

Go an look at potential school, properly during the day and consider how it feels, how you feel walking up to the gate in the morning - whether you'd be comfortable going to class parties in peoples homes. There is deprivation and deprivation (ie my childrens school is in a deprived area, but not one associated with lots of violent crime - id avoid being shot!)

another idea- can you approach the potential employer and explain you can only do school hours for the moment but will be working towards getting childcare sorted. - could you DH just reduce his hours one one day or condense his week slightly so he took them to school once a week.

Metoodear · 14/05/2018 14:03

Get a childminder then she can have them in the holidays as well

BlueJava · 14/05/2018 14:04

I wouldn't move my children's school if they were happy just so I could go back to work. I know that must be really frustrating for you though. Is it worth contacting the school again and telling them the position to see if you can get them to reconsider? A waiting list that long seems ridiculous.

LIZS · 14/05/2018 14:05

Are there any offsite before/after schoolchildcare providers?

Original poster

Bigfishylittlefishy · 14/05/2018 14:05

Mazdazzle. They are 8 and 6.
I hope your childrens school move goes well.

My husband regularly looks for new jobs that could enable me to work so I can't fault him but he is the full time earner so his job must come first.

I only wish to work part time whilst my children are primary school aged.

Thankyou Real Ramona.

OP posts:

User467 · 14/05/2018 14:09

Surely there are more than 2 childminders that pick up from your school? Are there any local Facebook groups you could ask advice on?

Original poster

Bigfishylittlefishy · 14/05/2018 14:11

Bluejava.

Yes the waiting list seems ridiculous. New reception children are entitled to a space as they take the year 6 leavers. I wish I had known this when I first put my child in but I just presumed it would be open to all.

I have spoken at length to the club providers and Im told they can only get insurance for a certain amount of kids.

In terms of deprivation I know that can be a large spectrum but this is particularly very deprived. Having said that I do know of two really lovely families who go there. Im presuming it would be a mixed bag like most schools.

Well it will soon be time to collect, so I have to leave this thread now. Thankyou all for replying.

OP posts:

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