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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry this much about DS(5mo) getting a bump to the head

26 replies

TWDfan · 14/05/2018 12:16

Yesterday my DM was entertaining DS (5mo) with some maracas, i gave him one to hold and as he was shaking it he accidentally knocked it on his head. They are hard plastic. In hindsight they weren't at all age appropriate for him to be playing with and now i'm worried my health visitor will think i've been negligent when i see her tomorrow.

He was startled when it happened but completely fine and not in pain, no subsequent symptoms of a head injury to follow, feeding and sleeping fine; but this morning i've noticed a small bruise has developed. It's not by any means a bad one, it's about a quarter of an inch big, but you can see there is a mark there.

I'm taking him to be weighed tomorrow and i cant help but worry i'm going to be judged for him coming to harm, and even worse they might think it was done deliberately.

I'm a FTM and i do suffer with anxiety so i appreciate i might sound overzealous and paranoid. I just can't shake the guilt and feel how it's terrible a baby his age ends up with a bruise. I know kids get bumps and bruises when they're toddling about, but he's not even crawling yet and depends on me entirely to keep him from hurting himself.

Aibu to worry this much?

OP posts:

LapinR0se · 14/05/2018 12:18

Yes YABU he’ll be just fine. Babies are constantly banging themselves with toys etc. No health professional would judge you for that at all. You sound like a lovely mum please try not to worry too much.

jusdepamplemousse · 14/05/2018 12:20

YABU go easy on yourself OP. Toy sounds appropriate to me unless it’s super ridiculously heavy. Which it obviously isn’t. Don’t worry. All’s well.

peachgreen · 14/05/2018 12:28

You're fine OP. Mine thwacked her head off the wall when I was changing her (she's 14 weeks and a wriggler!). She didn't even notice she'd done it, just carried on as normal, so I wasn't worried, but the next day she had a small bruise. HV didn't even mention it until I brought it up, and I have PND so they're obviously more hyper-aware. She wasn't concerned at all.

AhoyDelBoy · 14/05/2018 12:29

I kinda feel guilty reading your post that I wasn't worried in the slightest when my 7 mo old DD did exactly that! It's fine, honestly! My DD is crawling now and is banging and bumping things all the time. She's always fine, it often sounds worse than it actually is

userabcname · 14/05/2018 12:29

Sounds fine OP. If he could hold and shake them they can't have been that heavy. Don't worry! I remember taking DS to be weighed at around 3 months old - on the way there he managed to scratch his face so badly he was bleeding! I felt like such a terrible mother and like the HV was going to tell me off for cutting his nails so badly (I'd obviously left a sharp corner somewhere) but she didn't bat an eyelid. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Bbbbbbbb2017 · 14/05/2018 12:31

He sounds fine. Babies bounce. My 19 month old always has some sort of forehead bruise

moita · 14/05/2018 12:36

hindsight they weren't at all age appropriate for him to be playing with and now i'm worried my health visitor will think i've been negligent when i see her tomorrow.

She won't but I totally understand. My son was crawling at 6 months and banged his head on a wooden floor the morning of getting weighed. We turned up just as a a lump and bruise was appearing. I thought the HV would be horrified but she ended up reassuring me that these things happen. She wasn't worried about him at all - in fact I don't think she would have mentioned it if I hadn't.

DS is 16 months now and that was the first of many bruises sadly! He's currently sporting a graze on his forehead and one on his nose from taking a tumble outside

QuilliamCakespeare · 14/05/2018 12:42

In the nicest possible way, you're being a little nuts . Babies get bruises and every HV will have seen it a million times. That toy sounds absolutely fine for his age but little bumps will happen. Just wait until he starts walking. Both mine have permanently skinned knees and bruises everywhere!

Turnocks34 · 14/05/2018 12:45

Oh don’t worry. My son is bruised on his forehead in two places (walking into the wall and his brother throwing a car in his face) all over his legs, a bruise on every vertebrae from bumping down the stairs every pissing morning.

HV a trained about where the ‘concern’ bruises typically are and where the ‘wear and tear’ bruises are.

PatriciaHolm · 14/05/2018 12:45

I think there's barely any baby that hasn't fallen head first off a sofa or bed at some point so you are doing well.

The HV won't care, honestly.

UnicornRainbowColours · 14/05/2018 12:48

He’ll be right as rain and don’t be scared to give him things like that to hold and explore it’s all part of learning xx

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 14/05/2018 12:51

Of course it was an age appropriate toy. He didn't even cry, this is a total non-event, and there will be a LOT more bruises, especially when he starts cruising and walking.

Honestly, the concerning issue here is your anxiety. It will be miserable for you and unhealthy for your son for you to obsess this much over every little thing. Are you currently being treated for your anxiety?

KNain · 14/05/2018 12:51

It's basically an unwritten law with children that they just give themselves a visible injury just before you see the Health Visitor. They've seen it all before and won't bat an eyelid.

It's up there with looking like they are at death's door until the second you get them into the doctors office/a&e/out of hours. When they instantly snap out of it and run around like they've never been ill in their life.

Or turning from devil child into perfect angel the second daddy walks through the door.

There's probably some subliminal message in In The Night Garden or something that teaches all children to do this.

Vanillaradio · 14/05/2018 12:52

I took ds to his 9 month check with a massive bruise on his forehead. He had just mastered crawling and was of the firm opinion that things would get out of the way if he crawled at them very fast..... i was terrified of everything you are worried about but after going through the check and watching him play the hv just laughed and said I can see exactly how he got that bruise! Hv will not think you are negligent at all, she will have seen stuff like this over and over, babies get bumps and the toy sounds totally age appropriate. You are not terrible at all, i know its really hard but try not to over think this kind of thing.

Original poster

TWDfan · 14/05/2018 13:07

Thanks all, for making me realise how ridiculous i'm being

I'm not currently getting any help with my anxiety but i know i should, and i will.

I know someody who lost custody of her child for some time because of bruises, the little one has autism or Aspergers i don't remember which, but it was undiagnosed at the time. The child had meltdown episodes where he would bang his head on his cot and other things and as she couldn't prove they were non deliberate injuries the social services took him into care as he kept appearing with new bruises. The behaviour the mum had told them about continued whilst he was in foster care and they soon realised he wasn't being hurt after all, he was later returned back to her and she was absolved of any wrong doing but she will never get that portion of time back.

I think i had that scenario in the back of my mind hence the irrational worry, coupled with being a FTM i'm still new to the world of bumpy babies

OP posts:

RoboticSealpup · 14/05/2018 13:12

Oh, TWDFan I was exactly like this when my DD was 5 months. I know how stressful it can be, but I can assure you that this kind of thing happens all the time. Babies are rather clumsy. It does get much easier as they become a bit less fragile. DD is 3.5 now and I can even leave the room sometimes without worrying she'll injure herself...

Snowysky20009 · 14/05/2018 13:15

Yep another one that can say my ds hit himself in the head about 2 hours before being weighed.

This is the first time your dc has done it, the first of a hundred times...... by the time he gets to the 4th time, you'll look, think he's not
Crying, and forget he's done it.

SinkGirl · 14/05/2018 13:22

This is so like me with my twins, but I’m slowly having it knocked out of me by one of them who is starting early training to a stunt double or base jumper or something. I was having 100 terrified meltdowns a day. I had a full blown panic attack before the HV came round shortly after he learnt to walk (like a drunk sailor on a rough sea) because he had literally about 20 bruises per leg. He recently smashed his ear and the side of his head so badly the back of his ear went black. He picked up a wooden toy with his feet and dropped it on to his own face. I’m now 80% more grey than I was a few months ago, when he started learning to dismount the sofa creatively (eg on to his head / neck).

He’s absolutely fine. These things will happen. Health professionals get that. Don’t panic x

Original poster

TWDfan · 14/05/2018 13:22

It did make me grin how so many of our babies have hurt themselves just before the health visitor. I like KNain's explanation for this

OP posts:

Original poster

TWDfan · 14/05/2018 13:24

Bless you SinkGirl that's double the worry! I think i would be gray too x

OP posts:

SinkGirl · 14/05/2018 13:43

Luckily one is extremely cautious so far (the other makes up for that). However, he will eat anything he can find (I mean literally anything). I’ve had to remove all the wooden toys after he got a splinter IN HIS FACE. Sigh.

QuilliamCakespeare · 14/05/2018 13:48

@SinkGirl My youngest still walks like a drunk sailor even after 5 months of toddling about. When does the inebriation wear off?

Brunsdon1 · 14/05/2018 13:53

I remember that early anxiety well....it can be terrifying my sympathies Op....i used to constantly check breathing in the night but after two hulking boys 5 and nearly 3 ...who sport at any given moment a variety of bruises from trying to fly off random equipment at school or in one impressive case both managing to end up with bruises after running into each other at full pelt despite me yelling like a look to watch out I promise faithfully no professional will look twice

As much as mine are older you'd be amazed at the ridiculous things they pulled off as babies whilst I was right there....im a helicopter mum if I'm honest (working on it) and even so

I promise it's something to try to relax about ( and be aware the biggest danger with handheld toy weapons is to the bridge of your nose !!)

Original poster

TWDfan · 14/05/2018 15:45

I used to check his breathing constantly too, when he was very tiny. I remember the first month or so after giving birth was exhausting because i just didn't sleep! It didn't help matters that he used to spit up a lot and i spent the hour between feeds worried and making sure he doesn't choke

I'm generally a lot less anxious now he has got a little older, but am certainly still one to go into overdrive when there is a a trigger, like being unwell or this bump for example

It sounds as though i have a lot more of this to come so i had better toughen up

OP posts:

SinkGirl · 14/05/2018 15:52

It does get easier, I promise. The first time one of mine fell off the sofa, I cried for about an hour. Now one of them hurls himself to the ground from the sofa 20 times a day at least and he hasn’t broken anything yet (although don’t try and catch them with your foot... earlier on he basically got kicked in the face because I had one climbing on me and tried to stop the other falling off face first). You get used to it. I promise. Do get help for the anxiety though - it’s taken me a long time to stop utterly panicking about every tiny thing and it’s draining.

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