To end it with this friend?

[WazFlimFlam]

I just got back from a weekend away seeing a friend who has moved to the other side of the country. She recently got back from living abroad for a year. And quite frankly she was so fucking awful to me I had to fight tears back on occasion.

Weirdly, a lot of the endless criticism was about my own childhood as we have known each other since we were three.

Some things she brought up:

1. How my 'poor relationship' with a mutual friend who had bullied me had been my own fault. When I was about 7.
2. Insinuating I had bad relationships with men due to my mother's misandry (my mother is not a nice person but this isn't a thing. I'm also happily married. To a man.).
3. Going on and on and on about how awful it was that I went to a catholic secondary school. Over two decades ago.

This was in addition to general contrarian behaviour,. Contradicting me, arguing with me even when I was agreeing with her. Snapping if I tried to ask her anything about herself. Huffing and puffing about any help I tried to give while also talking about how important it was guests helped her out. She has aways been a bit superior but she had turned the dial up to 11.

But… she is not very well. She is 34 weeks pregnant with her first. She has a serious long-term chronic condition and everything has suddenly gone Pete Tong and she will have to have an emergency-section very soon, which I am sure she is terrified about.

The thing is I appreciated that I may have been a bit of a burden, but it took me 4 months to get hold of her after she moved back to the UK (despite me trying repeatedly to get hold of her and her seemingly seeing everyone else she knew). If she had been more contactable I would have seen her was sooner and not when she was so ill!

I'm trying to swallow my irritation for her sake but after this weekend I just can't imagine ever being fucked to put in any effort ever again. AIBU?

How did your visit come about? It comes across that she didn’t really want you there.

Just because people are unwell or going through things does not give them permission to treat you badly. An occasional snap is normal, what you describe is not.

What you’ve listed above sounds vile and I do not think she is a true friend. It actually sounds as if she resents/dislikes you.

If i was in your position, I’d avoid her in future.

You don't say DragonsAndCakes!

She played an important role in my wedding a last year ago (which she flew back for and everything) and it was agreed we would meet up when she had her new house sorted.

She then went completely off grid for ages including a period of time when she was staying with her parents in the city I live in. Then popped up announcing she was 20 weeks pregnant and that yes, we should come and visit...

Sorry, agreed we would meet up when she moved back to the UK.

Hmm she is obviously not in a good place emotionally but that does not excuse her comments to you and unwelcoming behaviour. Having to have a planned Caesarian and being unwell don't give you a free pass to be cruel.

However, a grenade (aka baby) is about to go off in her life so it's probably not worth challenging her about it at this time, unless you are absolutely ready to sack off your friendship for good. Personally I would sit back, hold tight and wait until she gets in contact with you. If her baby is anything like mine she will need all the friends she can get pretty soon and it may give her a wake-up call. If it doesn't, then it's no loss to you from your OP!