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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what you would do about OW?

28 replies

crispycrunchie1980 · 14/05/2018 10:24

Sister has caughter her husband with another woman. Ideally she wants to go Edward Norton in American history X on both of them....but that won't do her any favours.

Ive suggested she drops her husbands stuff at OWs, knock on the door and hand her a tube of haemoroid cream

OP posts:

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 14/05/2018 10:28

I wouldn't do anything about the OW. Her DH is the one who stood and made his marriage vows to her, the OW isn't (and I appreciate it's not that black and white but all the hatred towards OW almost excuses the man as though he's not responsible for fucking up the marriage when, actually, he's the biggest arsehole in that situation).

By all means she should pack up his stuff and chuck him out. But what happens to the OW is not her issue.

baxterboi · 14/05/2018 10:30

"go american history x on them"?

That might be a bit much, that movie scared me!

Agree with PP, the issue is your husband.

baxterboi · 14/05/2018 10:30

Sorry your friends husband

Sweatymoose · 14/05/2018 10:34

Tell her to piss in his mouthwash and sew prawns into his pockets. Bag everything and chuck em out.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 14/05/2018 10:36

I like your idea op, maybe some fake blue pills also??

Juells · 14/05/2018 10:57

The OW doesn't owe your sister anything. It's her husband who's the shit.

BadTasteFlump · 14/05/2018 10:58

Why do his moving for him?

She should dump his stuff outside and let him sort it out. Other than that, head held high and let them sort out their own crap - which is sure to come home to roost.

Lethaldrizzle · 14/05/2018 11:00

They're both shits. The ow just as much. I don't buy the husband is the only one who has done some thing wrong baloney.

Juells · 14/05/2018 11:02

Yes they're both shits, but so often the OW is blamed as being the reason the poor little lamb of a DH went astray, as if he wouldn't have done it anyway as soon as he got the glad eye from anyone.

FizzyGreenWater · 14/05/2018 11:03

OW isn't important - the only thing I'd do is find out if she is single or not and contact her husband/partner. Forget her, but he would deserve to know.

Then bag up H's things and put them on the doorstep.

CocoaGin · 14/05/2018 11:10

The best thing she can do is move on with dignity and not lower herself. Find the best solicitor she can, and hit back hard legally.

The DH has been the one being unfaithful and breaking his vows. If it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else.

justilou1 · 14/05/2018 11:16

before She goes batshit, I would get all banking info, change all passwords to all online accounts and get the best solicitor you can afford. Make sure all legal documentation pertaining to children, assets, loans, credit cards, pay slips, etc are out of the house, etc.... THEN channel hit him where it hurts - in his wallet. It will make him far less attractive and virile to the OW as well.

MistressDeeCee · 14/05/2018 11:39

I left ExH. Me & a mate went round to OW and dumped all his stuff at her front door. I'd already made contingency plans re money etc so that was ok. I think it's silly to promote this idea that oh well it's DHs fault so be calm about OW.

Anger is a perfectly normal reaction and emotion, repressed anger causes more trouble than it's worth, and as women we are always expected to take the higher ground aren't we?

I only came across OW once and she tried to approach me talking shit - No I didn't walk away and be the bigger person, fuck it - I told her where to get off and not to ever approach me again. Don't even look at me. That was it.

My DCs weren't young tho - I can imagine for a wife with a young family and all that goes with that, it's even shittier. I wouldn't take it upon myself to tell her not to feel angry and vengeful why shouldn't she?

Bluesmartiesarebest · 14/05/2018 11:43

Hire a man with a van and get all the DH’s stuff dropped off in bin bags at his workplace. This will be particularly effective if the OW works there too.

Block him on all phones, social media etc and get proper legal advice from a reputable firm. Your sister can’t change the locks to her home but can get extra bolts or chains fitted ‘for security, now that she’s on her own’ so he can’t enter the house easily.

Mumminmum · 14/05/2018 11:46

Some women go after married men to prove they can do it or to be spiteful to/bully his wife. Sometimes the OW doesn't know the man is married, but if they do, I'd blame them too.

BankHolidayYAS · 14/05/2018 11:50

Sometimes the OW doesn't know the man is married, but if they do, I'd blame them too
This! On MN we seem to have this thing about not blaming the OW, but that's fine, we'll just allow the sisterhood to go to shit by vile women like this learning nothing.
This is NOT to say the husband doesn't need a shredding, even more so.

KurriKurri · 14/05/2018 11:52

When my XH ran off with another woman I had all sorts of advice from friends about all the nasty things i could do to him and her. In the end I decided to stay true to myself - I'm not a nnasty vengeful person, I don't do horrible things, he and his GF did, but I don't.
So I didn't do anything, didn't want to lower myself to their level, because in the long run I'm the one who has to live with myself, and I'm not going to change the person I am because of two horrible people.

I have nothing to do with him any more, and I live well on my own. (Obviously his GF dumped him when his money ran out and she found someone richer - I did allow myself a little smile about that )

feelinggoodinspring · 14/05/2018 11:52

Think the question is, what should be done about the HUSBAND?

Don't know why women are so quick to go all guns blazing at the ow first because they seem to think their poor little husband didn't know what he was doing.

Allabitmuchisntit · 14/05/2018 11:59

Little stunts to try and humiliate him won’t work. They will just laugh about it. The best thing your sister can do is act like she doesn’t give a shit. Drop his clothes at OW house by all means - but let it be just that. Not even right outside the door, just on the pavement by her house. She can’t be arsed to go all the way to the door right?

AnathemaPulsifer · 14/05/2018 12:04

If they have kids your sister needs to find a way to be amicable with him for their sake. No stunts, no retribution, just a dignified though5 for what's in the best interests of the kids.

If no kids, prawns in hems and whatever else you can come up with. Have at it.

Queenoftheblitz · 14/05/2018 12:05

Allabitmuch is right. Don't feed their drama or strengthen their bond by making yourself the enemy.
The best revenge is to make him feel guilty and feel sorry for you. Him feeling guilty will affect their sex life and weaken their bond. She will resent that the wife has such a hold on him.
Aggression never works well because the cheater then thinks he was right to leave. He will look for anything to justify his actions.

TheBogWitchIsBack · 14/05/2018 12:08

The best thing to do sometimes is nothing.
She needs to remain dignified.
Way back when I found my ex was cheating the first time, I was silly and I approached the ow, it didn't turn out like I planned..she just looked at me like I was mad and I felt ridiculous..such regret. The pair of them had a good old laugh over that and it's to my eternal shame that I took him back.

The second time I learned my lesson and I let him go and kept my head up and said and did nothing. Moving on and being happy is the best revenge.

BitchQueen90 · 14/05/2018 12:12

I wouldn't do anything the the OW. I would be kicking my husband's sorry arse out of the house though.

PoorYorick · 14/05/2018 12:37

Focus on the husband, not the woman. He cheated, not her. So sucking women being blamed when men are shits.

Of course it's wrong to shag a married man but the marriage wasn't her responsibility. If someone is faithful only because of lack of opportunity it's not much of a relationship.

Lethaldrizzle · 14/05/2018 12:41

I think both are as bad as each other. I dont think anyone on here is blaming only the ow. But going into a relationship knowing you could potentially break up a family is pretty low

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