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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am

13 replies

EBorJ · 17/05/2007 13:17

i have to get this out of my system, cos it feels like poison

my friend has just given birh to a girl and I feel like crap because i wanted a girl and instead had a wonderful and gorgeous DS so how i feel doesnt make sense. also i ma happy (honest) have a lovely DH and we're just about making ends meet and have somewhere to live thats almost what i hoped for. in short i have everything i need/want. except. my friends just had a dd, called it by the name i always meant to call my dd (yo know, when i was a little girl) and has just moved into the house of her dream where she'll live for many years to come. this is what i want. i am an ungrateful horrible person.

there i said it.

OP posts:
tribpot · 17/05/2007 13:23

You are being unreasonable but you're also feeling something that's perfectly understandable. People who seem to have perfect lives make the rest of us mere mortals feel crap every now and then. Have a good old moan about it on MN - we've all been there!

ThisIsDavinaPleaseDoNotSwear · 17/05/2007 13:24

YANBU, you are just having one of those days.

It's really hard though sometimes.

tell us about your little boy, he sounds lovely

belgo · 17/05/2007 13:24

You're just a little bit jealous - and that's a perfectly normal human emotion! We are all jealous of someone/something, we just don't often admit it.

Original poster
EBorJ · 17/05/2007 13:40

i so need to deal with jealousy a bit better. its not something i normally encounter, so i dont know how to handle it really.
what does YANBU mean?
my DS is 6mo, chubby, smiling, whingey and handsome - thanks for reminding me

OP posts:
tribpot · 17/05/2007 13:54

You Are Not Being Unreasonable (YANBU).

Your ds sounds delightful - just think in 15 years' time your friend will be dealing with the Ultimate Horror that is the teenaged girl

Original poster
EBorJ · 17/05/2007 13:59

[evil laugh] i forgot about that, Tribpot ...

OP posts:
amidaiwish · 17/05/2007 14:16

everyone feels like that sometimes! she probably looks at you and envies something about you too... go on, have a think, bet there's something!

mylittlestar · 17/05/2007 15:13

there will definitely be things she envies about you too. without a doubt.

you never know what's just around the corner for yourself too... and your friend has a lovely dd that you can bond with and enjoy - but pass back at the end of the day!!

your ds sounds gorgeous. and he will give you more love and affection than a little girl anyday!!

AnneJones · 17/05/2007 15:20

At least you know you are being unreasonable. Don't beat yourself up over it. I am sure next time you see your friend you will find it all disappears.

FWIW I was a bit jealous when my BF got engaged recently. Why? I have no idea - I got married a year ago and had a lovely wedding! I don't know why I felt that way, but I relised I was feeling worse over the guilt than the jealousy and decided to give myself a break. And I have been fine since. Emotions are such odd things sometimes.

2Happy · 17/05/2007 15:31

Awww EBorJ, you're alright. I felt awful for feeling jealous of both my dsises recently for daring to have normal deliveries (I seem incapable), FFS how ridiculous. And I got p!ssed off at a friend who named her dd our favourite girl's name (we have 2 dses). Doesn't mean you love your gorgeous chubby ds any less, and thinking you're being horrible for being a little wistful just lumps guilt on top of everything else and makes you feel worse. So stop.

Stigaloid · 17/05/2007 15:34

She's probably jealous that you have a DS. It's a funny old world!

Elasticwoman · 17/05/2007 20:50

My friend always wanted a girl but had 3 boys in succession. When pg for the 4th time she said "Well I hope it's a girl but if it's another boy I hope he'll be gay then at least I'll have some one to go shopping with."

Re envy/jealousy: you never know what's round the corner for the person you're envying, and you don't know the whole of their life - there might be something in it you don't know about but wouldn't envy if you did. People don't always let you know all the bad news. Also you are a lot better off than some, who can't have a baby or decent place to live at all.

helenhismadwife · 18/05/2007 22:18

feeling like this is perfectly normal we all do it at some point, I told my bf I was so jealous of her for being so slim and young looking, she said to me straight away she was jealous of me and my ability to talk to anyone, I was really suprised I didnt think I had anything for anyone to envy me about at the time, as others have said she probably envies something about your life, so dont feel bad about it

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