Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about this

34 replies

eggcellent · 13/05/2018 21:43

Today was my birthday celebration with my family (actual birthday is on Wednesday), and I asked my boyfriend to be at my house for 11am so we could drive together to my parents' house. At 11am I checked Find Friends and saw he was still jogging in the park, so I text him and said that I would be leaving without him if he didn't hurry up, as I had told my family I would be there at 12. He called me and said "I thought you said 11:30" so I said "well I said 11. Will you be ready for 11:30 then?" and he said "no, just go without me". I then said ok, but after putting the phone down I got upset about it, it is my birthday and I wanted him there, so I text him saying "it's really important to me that you come". He didn't reply for 3 hours, then was all apologetic saying "I was in the garden without my phone and didn't see your text, I didn't realise it mattered so much to you". AIBU to break up with him for this? It is my birthday celebration, he wasn't even going to be ready for the time he thought we were leaving, ignored me for 3 hours when we were talking about it. Even if he didn't see the text about it being important to me, he shouldn't just not look at his phone after that discussion, should he? I just feel like he couldn't be bothered to come and thought "I can just not go and then say sorry and it'll be fine". He is usually so lovely and caring, but we have been arguing quite a bit recently. I really feel like breaking up with him for this, it's upset me a lot and ruined the day really.

OP posts:
Rainagain1 · 13/05/2018 21:46

You could wait and see if he make a fuss of you on your actual birthday to make up for it. Otherwise get rid of him!

TwitterQueen1 · 13/05/2018 21:48

I'm sorry but he doesn't care about you at all, otherwise he would have listened to what you'd said and been at your place at the right time.

You're right, he couldn't be bothered. Dump him.

Bridesmaidinchief · 13/05/2018 21:48

That would really upset me, it's very inconsiderate. If it's part of a wider pattern of behaviour I'd be putting the brakes on myself.

Puffycat · 13/05/2018 21:49

Birthday aside, you had made plans and he basically disregarded them. I don’t think YRBU at all!
I’d sit him down and talk about it, let him know how it made you feel.

FASH84 · 13/05/2018 21:57

I'm not fussy about DH doing his own thing, hobbies etc, he even picked up a work overtime shift the day of my dad's birthday lunch this year (we spoke about it before he took it , it was Sunday overtime and we want the extra money) but this would upset me, it's your birthday celebration and it will have been embarrassing to arrive without him when your family expected him there.

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/05/2018 21:59

It’s almost as if he’s goading you into ending it. So do. You’re wasting your time with him.

Original poster
eggcellent · 13/05/2018 22:01

FASH84 Exactly! It was so embarrassing, and every time someone asked where he was I felt like crying. I just lied in the end because I don't want them to hate him.

OP posts:
CoupleOfPushBacks · 13/05/2018 22:02

He didn't care about you otherwise he'd have got there earlier.

HollowTalk · 13/05/2018 22:03

Yes, see how he is with your birthday. If things are going downhill already, it'll probably be pretty obvious on the day.

HollowTalk · 13/05/2018 22:04

I think once you are lying to excuse a boyfriend's behaviour, it's the end.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/05/2018 22:07

Is he treating you like shit to engineer a split so he avoids paying for a birthday gift/meal?

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/05/2018 22:08

Was going to say the same thing as hollow. You care more about think about him than he cares about you.

I’m so sorry, really gutting.

Has he got form this? At a time when it sounds like things are rocky between you, it was an opportunity for him to make an effort and he really let you down.

starzig · 13/05/2018 22:08

He probably didn't realise you were going to be so sensitive about it. Most people don't make such a fuss about a birthday.

PinotMwah · 13/05/2018 22:09

That's unacceptably rubbish. The being half an hour late I could have made my peace with. But to blow you out for three hours on a day you are having your birthday celebration after you had explicitly told him it was important you were there shows either that your needs didn't cross his mind whatsoever or that he deliberately did it to piss you off in an act of spite. In both cases this should be a dealbreaker. I would dump him for that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/05/2018 22:10

Helpful starzig Hmm It was a family gathering. He bailed on her. Whatever the plan was he was incredibly rude. Her birthday makes it worse.

Do you treat your loved ones with such disdain? Do you find it makes people like you?

NotTheFordType · 13/05/2018 22:11

How long have you been together, and how old are you both? Have you subjected taken him to family gatherings before?

Original poster
eggcellent · 13/05/2018 22:11

TestingTestingWonTooFree I don't think so, he's booked for us to go to Paris next weekend, already bought euros and everything. That's what I mean, really really unexpected, he usually very loving and thoughtful.

OP posts:
Original poster
eggcellent · 13/05/2018 22:12

NotTheFordType a year, we're 22. He gets on well with my family, been to weddings and lots of birthdays together.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 13/05/2018 22:14

He didn't look at his phone for three hours just at the time when you wanted him to do something nice for you? How very convenient...

Dating is for getting to know someone. He has now shown you how important your birthday and your family occasions are to him. Fine that some people don't care about birthdays, but you obviously do and are upset about his behaviour. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker for you or not.

SandAndSea · 13/05/2018 22:14

I would try to see this as a good thing, even if it doesn't feel like it. It's always best to find these things out sooner rather than later. Gather all your dignity and self-respect around you, hold your head up high and dump his arse. You know you deserve way more. Flowers

RebelRogue · 13/05/2018 22:15

So he's taking you to Paris for your actual birthday?

Original poster
eggcellent · 13/05/2018 22:18

RebelRogue Paris is next weekend, not on my actual birthday. But yes, that's what I mean - really nice usually.

OP posts:
ShawshanksRedemption · 13/05/2018 22:20

I would be having serious words and depending on his response would go from there rather than automatically break up. It may be that as it was your family celebration, and not on your actual birthday, he doesn't appreciate how much it meant to you.

bunbunny · 13/05/2018 22:24

he knew he didn't want to go for whatever reason, and knew that you would want to go and be there regardless of whether or not he made it - he actively decided he wanted to have an afternoon without you.

Whether he was actually in his garden or looked at his phone is another matter...

NotTheFordType · 13/05/2018 22:24

Hmm. I mean after a year I wouldn't necessarily just dump him, but it doesn't bode well does it?

Do you think there is anything in your comms that gave him the impression that his presence today was purely optional?

(BTW, happy birthday!)