I need your help to stop smoking. Tell me the horror stories!

[Rhony]

I've stopped smoking. As of right now. I know it will be hard, but I have to do this for my son, and for myself.

I am hoping to have a bank of aversions to help me when I have a craving. Can you help me? What are your horror stories?

I’m a nurse, I have worked in end of life care.
Breathlessness can be incredibly traumatic for the patient and there is very little which can be done to allievate it. Symptoms in the final hours can be managed but there is usually a protracted period of feelings of suffocation. It is no way to die. No way.

I second this.

I too, worked in oncology as my first ever nursing job many decades ago. I will never forget the young father dying of lung cancer. It was like something out of a horror movie. He was gasping and grasping out in desperation with eyes wide open, panicking, begging nurses at his bedside for help to somehow breathe. It was like being at the side of the swimming pool watching someone go under, while they're calling out for help. It was by far the worst death I saw in almost 2 decades. Absolutely horrendous. It made me want to warn everyone I saw smoking after that, so they could somehow be spared such agony.

After all this time I remember it like it was yesterday. It was indescribable pain for his family, I can't imagine how they got on with life after that.

I’m a teacher. You can smell the kids that come from smokers houses and it breaks my heart as it’s just on all their clothes.

I was one of those kids - I got asthma due to second hand smoke and stil can’t run without wheezing.

Don’t do it to your son :( x

DH has terminal lung cancer caused by 50 years of smoking. He had a lung removed 6 months ago and we will probably never go abroad again because he can't fly and even if he could, we couldn't afford the insurance. He is in pain constantly, and has gone from a happy, active and hard working man to a shadow of his former self who has panic attacks at the thought of going to bed and has slept upright in an armchair since his surgery because he's scared he will drown from the liquid where his lung used to be. Every day a little more light goes out, and he has had to give up work. Please stick to your quitting. He stopped using Champix and has become a very militant anti smoker.

MY mil smoked and I imagine it was a contribution to her death. My dh has terrible chronic asthma. I don't know if it was the result of being brought up in a smoking household but it blights his life every day.

My mum was a heavy smoker.

In 2014 she was fit and well at the start of August. Mid August she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was dead before November. So sudden.

Download the smoke free app, tells you health and money benefits as you go along day by day. I quit smoking nearly 2 years ago, I still vape but used to smoke 30 a day

My sister in law died last year of smoking related oesophageal cancer, diagnosed in December and died in March

A friend died the previous March of smoking related mouth cancer, he was diagnosed in the January and had radical surgery to remove his tongue, teeth and part of his jaw. He couldn’t eat or speak following the surgery, and spent just two days at home before being re-admitted to hospital and died 3 days after that. He was 53 and had just become a grandfather

So stopped smoking by taking some tablets and after about 5 days the idea of smoking made him feel sick and he never smoked again after that, they really work. Not sure what they're called and he's asleep but a quick google might find them

I’m surprised you don’t know anyone who’s died from smoking, and if dying isn’t gruesome enough to stop you, I don’t know what else is.

A friend’s mum died within 6 months of diagnosis of smoking related disease, another is terminally ill (emphysema), and I knew someone who died of throat cancer. Lost some of his tongue as well, lived on soup towards the end.
I’m only early 30s, I bet my parents know loads more dead smokers.

I have watched 2 people I love (aunt and mum) die slowly from a type of lung cancer that only effects smokers. If you have children or loved ones generally preventing
them from going through the heart ache of watching you die has got to be worth the hard work you will face now while trying to quit.

My mum quit when i was 9 after watching her dad die. when i was 20, she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, secondary to a massive, aggressive smoking related lung cancer tumour that ha gone unnoticed for anywhere from 12-24 months. 8 weeks later she was dead, 4 months before my 21st birthday, at just 48.
Watching how she died, her final days, i'd honestly choose suicide if i was ever diagnosed with something like that, it has traumatised me for life.

My mum started smoking in her teens. She died of cancer when she was only 42, going from an active, healthy woman to her deathbed in about six months. It was awful seeing her deteriorate so rapidly. I'd do anything to have her back or see her smile again.

But rather than focus on the horror stories, why not look to the benefits for motivation?

• Better health (heart, lungs, blood circulation, arteries, cognitive function, reproductive system, kidney/liver function, bowels, bones, etc).
• No second-hand smoke for your son/others.
• Improved taste, smell and eyesight.
• Fresher breath and healthier teeth/gums.
• Younger-looking skin.
• Healthier hair and nails.
• More money in your pocket (a pack a day at £8 will cost £56 per week, or £2920 per year).
• You and your clothes won't smell like an ashtray.
• Smoke-free house and car.
• Reduced risk of cancer, heart failure, stroke, hospital visits, horrible death.
• More free time (each cigarette takes roughly 5 minutes to smoke; a 20-a-day smoker wastes 1 hour and 40 minutes a day - roughly 25 days and 8 hours in a year - just on smoking).
• And the obvious one: live longer.

If you'd rather use horror stories to help you through quitting then just think of the opposite to that list above...
Good luck, and good for you!

My parents both smoked heavily. I've never even tried a cigarette.

But I have asthma, have had a rare type of pneumonia twice and bronchitis while I was still living with them. Brother also had several bouts of bronchitis, sister also has asthma, had pneumonia once and bronchitis.

Dad is now on oxygen permanently and is basically slowly drowning due to copd, has major circulatory problems and has had several heart attacks. Mum has had 2 smoking related cancers, frequently gets chest infections that take months to clear.

As a nurse I've seen jaws, parts of face, throats, lungs and limbs removed, patients quick to develop bed sores despite the best efforts of carers which then take forever to heal and sometimes don't completely, people under 50 have major heart attacks and strokes more than likely because they smoke.

If you die from smoking related disease chances are it will be slow, painful and far from dignified. Drooling, wetting and soiling yourself, needing someone to help you just to shift position in bed.

The other nurses are right there's VERY little that can be medically done to help someone slowly drowning in their own body fluids to breathe better.

You stink all the time, your son probably also smells as it will be in his hair and clothes and bedding and he's probably embarrassed (I was and this was 30/40 years ago when it was far lie common and less stigmatised).

But more importantly he will be worried sick about you. Every time he sees you smoke, hears you cough, sees you looking an odd colour, whenever you have a chest infection or an unexplained pain... He'll be wondering 'is this it? Has mum got cancer? Is she having a stroke or heart attack?' I'm sure you don't want him thinking that.

If you drive the car probably smells too which is really unpleasant for passengers.

You're literally burning money. I can't imagine burning what £10-20 a day?

Keep being a non-smoker. You'll be happier, healthier, wealthier and your son will be so proud of you, and worry much less about you.

I logged in for the first time in ages to comment on this for you. Besides being with my mother when she was diagnosed with COPD AND lung cancer, and nursing her on her deathbed, I have serious long-term health complications and DNA damage from her smoking (very heavily) while pregnant with me and growing up in a household with smokers.

My mum was anorexic. She chose to smoke heavily while pregnant with me to avoid weight gain. I feel that this is relevant information. While it was the early 70’s, ignorance was not an excuse - women were told that smoking while pregnant produced smaller, weaker, sickly babies.

While growing up I was very ill with terrible asthma and long, heavy chest infections - often hospitalised. Both miraculously stopped as soon as I moved out. Coincidence? Probably not.

The scarier stuff....
I went through puberty very early (aged 9) and as a result, my clavicles fused before my scapulae has fully grown meaning a lifetime of osteoarthritis, deformed shoulders and pain.

My thyroid atrophied in my early twenties, leading to further hormone issues, including problems with menses and fertility.

I have had five miscarriages - some as late as 18wks - attributable to my many unnamed auto-immune issues.

When pregnant with my first child my teeth crumbled. I discovered that I still had nine baby teeth (at 31yrs) X-rays after she was born showed that I didn’t have second teeth to come through.

My breasts did not grow during or after pregnancy and I did not produce milk. Ultrasounds showed a complete lack of milk ducts which is apparently quite common in women whose mothers were heavy smokers when pregnant with them. Yay Mum!

I have had migraines since my early teens. They have been increasing in volume to the point that doctors began to think I had a brain tumour. MRI scans show that my supratentorial brain is full of small lesions (scars) which is quite common in elderly heavy smokers despite the fact that I HAVE NEVER SMOKED ANYTHING IN MY LIFE!!!

I am now permanently taking replacement thyroid hormones (or I will go into a coma and die,) and also on anti-epileptic medication (with nasty side-effects) to try and prevent migraines and further lesions and minimise my stroke risk.

It gets worse, I’m afraid. We’re talking about DNA damage. All three of my kids are missing several adult teeth. One daughter started showing signs of puberty at seven and has been having injections once a month to hold it off until she is twelve. While her shoulders aren’t as bad as mine, they’re far from perfect and she is already experiencing pain. My other kids may or may not be affected by other DNA changes, and we will probably be hearing more about them over time. The 20th century was definitely a time when humans did the most damage to their planet and their bodies.

The legacy of my parents’ smoking is vast. While I know from supporting my friends through quitting that giving up is obviously very difficult, I am also so very resentful because I know that my mother never even tried. (My father eventually gave up.) When my mother was gasping for breath on her deathbed, while I was sad and heartbroken for the relationship we never had (other reasons) I was also very bitter and resentful that she had chosen to do this to herself and to affect so many people in such a negative way. Please don’t do this to your kid.

My maternal grandfather & aunt died from emphysema & COPD, at the time I was too young to understand. I vaguely remember seeing my grandfather on his deathbed but I clearly remember him telling my mum that those with a condition like dementia were lucky as at least they didn’t know what was happening to them.

Despite this my mum carried on smoking. She finally gave up 10 years ago but the damage has clearly already been done from 30 years of a 20 a day habit. She’d taken early retirement at 55 after spending her working life as a carer. Watching her health decline, struggling for breath, pneumonia, salmonella food poisoning not helped by a hugely weakened immune system & being under weight, sitting & holding her hand in a & e over Christmas, my sons birthday & new year while they checked for respiratory failure, seeing the toll each illness took on her overall health, hearing that her lungs only worked at 30% of what they should have been, seeing her lose weight because of the sheer effort breathing was taking & the frequent periods of confusion & mental absence because of lack of oxygen to the brain, the distressed phone calls that haunt me to this day in what were her final days, being so incapacitated they thought she’d had a stroke only for her to rally one final time only to die in silence, alone on the settee as she couldn’t get up to bed. Getting the phone call from my father to tell me he’d found her, having to tell him that I had only found out 10 days before that I was pregnant with dc3 & that was why this one time I hadn’t been able to go to her, all of it haunts me.

Please do not do that to yourself or your son.

My dad died aged 59. In the other hand, my mum who had been a smoker too had given up, is still going strong at 76 and her heart condition has improved massively since she stopped smoking.

Aside from horror stories, think about how quitting will set you free - no longer will you be squirming on long journeys desperate for a fag, or unable to concentrate on what someone is saying as you’re thinking about going for a cigarette. You won’t have to stand out in the pissing rain when everyone else is tucked warmly inside.

My DH father passed away from lung cancer from passive smoking in 2012, his mom passed away in Sept 2017 from lung cancer

I stopped in 2005 and don't miss it at all. I was convinced life would be shit forever without. It's not. It's better by far. Definitely think of it as stopping something you hate not 'giving up' something you like.

Your child will hate it! Not now perhaps but when they're older. I realised I used smoking as a "reward", getting a few minutes to myself out in the garden. I just didn't like the actual smoking any more.

I vape now, not the perfect solution but a hell of a lot better. No smell, no ash, no discarded butts. I actually prefer the taste now (mango!). No more yellow phlegm coughed up in the mornings and better lung capacity. Try vaping!

Teeth! My teeth and general mouth health improved rapidly. All the staining improved radically (and I still drink lots of tea so it wasn't that) and my dental hygienist knew immediately that I'd stopped.
My gums had started to recede and now they have gone back to where they should be, hardly any plaque to scrape away at appointments. Worth giving up just for that!

My 48 friend has only a few months left to live. She has COPD.

Don't forget that smokers always want to give up at some point. I have honestly never encountered a smoker who hasn't tried to give up, or that hasn't also cheerfully, rebelliously relapsed, only to try again.

Don't set your son on that path by your example.

Well, I had to put both my parents in coffins in the ground before I was 19 due to smoking. The thud of earth on the wood is unforgettable.

That a good enough reason? Your son needs you, and not just now. I've missed the guidance and support and love of my parents for all my adult life. They've never met my sons, never saw me get married. Please, please try your hardest.

My mum was only 46 years old and my dad 50, and three weeks from retiring.