My parents very kindly came to stay yesterday in order to pick up DCs from school and look after them last night as I had to attend a rare work function. I do appreciate it I really do.
However, the price to pay is constant criticism from them. In the short space of time I saw them this morning (very early and slightly hungover! tut tut) they mentioned the few remaining unopened boxes in my house (due to separation from exH we have had to move twice since August both times with no help whatsoever!) which were a fire hazard - there is a clear escape path and I have discussed with DCs what we should do in the event of a fire.
DS1's bike needing tightening up and this was a 'death trap'. We live at the end of a quiet cul de sac, which I picked because I though it was quiet and child friendly and I allow DSs to play outside (they are 6 and 10)with strict boundaries and with intermittent supervision from me and if DS2 is alone then I stand at the door and watch him constantly.
There are a few cars coming in and out but of my immediate neigbours only. My M said that DS2 was bound to get knocked over even though I watch him all the time if he outside. However I also think they need to begin to develop some road sense especially as DS1 will be travelling alone to school next year.
I was brought me up to feel that disaster was lurking around every corner and it has taken me years (and I mean years to rationalise things and weigh up risk etc and be less anxious and have less of a sense of imepnding doom). I still consider myself to be cautious and when DCs were little very very careful - more so than some of my peers. Still careful now of course but in a different way.
They also look down on divorced people and living in rented accommodation (both of which I am currently) yet don't offer much support (I don't expect it but it would be nice if it was voluntarily forthcoming).
My brother is similar he rang a few months ago to ask the weights/heights of the DCs as he wanted to be sure they were having the right car seat!! I assured him that they did and I had looked into it all. He then offered to pay for a new one if I was short (Booster costs about £10 I think)!!!!!!When I said what you could do to help is help with a curtain pole he said he couldn't spare the time to come down!!
When I told my m that I had another long day tomorrow she said well why don't you go part time. Yeah right! Not that easy in my current position. She still of the view that women should work for pin money and has castigated me for 'palming off my children' on the after school childminder. My dad told me on a previous vist I was 'up myself'. Funny but it is obvious where I work that I am actually quite working class and a bit common (in the nicest possible way)compared to alot of people here!!
This is in stark contrast to last night when I am told I am good at my job, capable and efficient, would be hard to replace etc etc. If other people can see it why can't they? I could even cope with the criticism if it was tempered with some praise.
Of course this has been going on for a long time and can't see how it can change now. I don't have the energy or the strength to confront them or it. I keep a distance and only see them when i really have to but they leave me feeling utterly crushed.
Anyone else have parents like this? I try so hard not to criticise the DCs in such a negative way because I know what it does to one's self esteem. And als try b more measured about risks and safety.
I can also see its partially a product of living away from my home town and going to uni etc ie I am very different from them
OK rant over. Sorry its so long