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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Black sheep?

10 replies

blacksheeep · 13/05/2018 18:09

I think my family thinks I am the black sheep of the family.

I feel like my mum and siblings have cast me aside and do what they want to do and only tell me because they have to. They all live close by so go out shopping together, have meals together and have days out together. I on the other hand live 30 miles away and try to plan things with them. For example we planned to go out yesterday for a family wedding to buy outfits to wear. I was in the car all packed and ready to go when the Called to say it's been cancelled. Now they have set another date but Unfortunately I will be working.

For another wedding in 2 weeks time my sisters and sister in laws have gone out and bought coordinating outfits. I was left out. They have told me I can get the same outfit if I wanted to as there are more in store. I did kick up a fuss and it's not because I want the same clothes as them but because they always make me feel left out.

My mum is no better she goes and stays with everyone but me. When all the others had children she went and stayed with them for up to a month. I got nothing. When they are ill she goes to stay with them. I have procedure after procedure and no one bothers to come see me. I have questioned my mum on it and she says it's because I'm stronger.

They are always on the phone planning and discussing and I only find out things if they let it slip. If I say something they all seem to gang up on me and make me feel like an outsider.

So now I am thinking perhaps I am a mega bitch if my family hate me so much. It's either that or I am losing the plot. OR I could be he black sheep

OP posts:
DuchyDuke · 13/05/2018 18:14

Stop falling in line

Leeds2 · 13/05/2018 18:18

I would just let them get on with it. And, if you are in the habit of helping them, be it financially or with your time, stop.

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/05/2018 18:25

Were you the one that moved 30 miles away?

ImNotMeImSomeoneElse · 13/05/2018 18:27

They are all wearing the same out similar outfit to a wedding? WTF? Unless they are all bridesmaids, that's just weird as fuck.

I think you are best off out Tbh.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 13/05/2018 18:32

It sounds like it's a good thing you are 30 miles away.

Their behaviour is hurtful but they sound quite enmeshed and insecure. They may be competitive with each other rather than genuinely supportive? It's horrible but I think take it as a free pass not to conform if you don't want to.

blacksheeep · 13/05/2018 19:05

I chose to move 30 miles away as house prices were cheaper.

They are part of the grooms party where all 'sisters' wear the same ( Asian culture).

I really do want to belong. Feeling very lonely.

OP posts:
UserV · 13/05/2018 19:11

I am sorry you feel shit, but in my experience, when a family member chooses to move 45 minutes - 60 minutes drive away from the main part of the extended family, they do get excluded from a lot of stuff. And they will rarely get visits from said family either. If you choose to move away, it is up to YOU to visit THEM. (That is how some people think; not saying I do....)

TBH, if you 'want to belong' and 'want to be included,' I cannot fathom why you moved 30 miles away. You said house prices were cheaper, but if that is the case, how come all your extended family have stayed? Are they all richer than you?

blacksheeep · 13/05/2018 19:25

The home owners are richer then me. I suppose you are right when you say I chose to move 30 miles so I should bear with it.

However I don't think things were any better when I was closer.

I feel like I'm always in the wrong with them. Perhaps I need to change my attitude. Or just get a new life 😊

OP posts:
blacksheeep · 13/05/2018 19:28

And..... it doesn't really matter how far I am really. For example if I ask my mum to come stay with me following dd birth. It would be the one trip here and one trip back ... my inner child reasoning!

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 13/05/2018 19:51

Your family are ridiculously unreasonable for wearing coordinating outfits to a wedding

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