To feel at the end of my rope with DD2’s constant illnesses

[GoodAfternoonSeattle]

She is ten months old and I swear to god, she has been ill constantly since about November.

We might get a week of daylight in between one illness and another if we are lucky (when we can get some sleep) but it only ever lasts a few days before she’s up through the night again with something else. Another temperature. Another cold. Another vomiting bout.

I can’t stand it. I can’t stand the worry. The stress about who is going to take time off work this time. The sleep deprivation.

For background, her older sister (who is, touch wood, never unwell) attends nursery and DD2 joined her there in March. I remember DD1 went through that phase of picking up everything going for a while when she first started (and that’s what DD2s constant illnesses get put down to by the doctor), but it was nothing like this.

We have been back and forward to the doctor. Sometimes she gets antibiotics for ear infections or whatever but most of the time it’s put down to a virus or teething.

She has had a cough for months and we have a hospital appointment next month to get her checked over but she has another bug today and I could curl into a ball and weep. For her and for me.

Does anyone else have any experience with this? Is there anything I can do to help her??

How many days is she in nursery? Maybe she finds it a bit exhausting and her body just isn't having time to recover between illnesses. I can see it must be hard for you, but I doubt she is having the best time either. Maybe some good weather might help.

Also have you thought about childminder rather than nursery? Less children so quieter and less germs. Or even a nanny?

Shes in nursery three days per week and she seems to like it there so far. This has been going on for months before she started nursery. It hasn’t increased since she started nursery its just exactly the same.

I know it’s worse for her. I just don’t know how to help her.

For the first six months of nursery my DS2 was I'll every other week for a week each time.

DS1 was rarely I'll (until he started reception)

Hang in there, It will get better. If she only started nursery in March she's still getting used to all the bugs.

I had to pull out my dd from nursery when she was a baby because she kept getting one bug after another and it was horrendous for both of us. I was in a position to get a nanny, and then dd went back to nursery when she was 3. Could s child minder work for you?

It's really tough! My youngest caught everything going and was constantly sick with non specific viral stuff, and he didn't really grow out of it until he was about 9/10 He is now 16 and has never has a full attendance year in school.

My oldest, on the other hand, has never really been sick bar the usual chickenpox etc. He's only been to the Drs once since he was about 5 and he's almost 20 now. He very rarely had a day off school.

I think it's just the luck of the draw sadly.

I might give it some thought but I hate the idea of a childminder. I’m not for a single second saying they are all like this, but the ones around here all hang around together and you see them in places like the soft play regularly. They don’t pay any attention to the kids. They just drink coffee and chat. They’re notorious for it.

Three days should be manageable for her - wonder if she could get some vitamins - they might do baby ones? I had various ear/throat problems as a child. I think some people catch things easier than others 😥

I had the constantly ill one first and the disgustingly healthy one second.

It's much easier that way as you don't get spoilt by the first!

Ds never went to nursery and was like this. It’s soul destroying. I can do clearly remember the anxiety and the tiredness.

I don’t have any advice really - ds eventually outgrew it but it took a while. Nothing. Underlying was wrong - just an unlucky kid.

My childminder was not like that - can see why you wouldn't want that.

I give my DS multi vitamins plus probiotic yoghurt every day. Not sure if it's coincidence or not but he is sick less often and for a shorter period of time.

I might give it some thought but I hate the idea of a childminder. I’m not for a single second saying they are all like this, but the ones around here all hang around together and you see them in places like the soft play regularly. They don’t pay any attention to the kids. They just drink coffee and chat. They’re notorious for it.

I'm sure they don't all do that.

Anyway it won't make a difference, I'm a childminder and the children I mind get stuff all the time too some children just do.

You could ask the gp whether you think she gets sick more than other children her age. And if so whether some basic immune tests can be done on her?

Apples when we go to this hospital appointment I plan to really stress how regular this is. The GPs seem to reluctant to do anything. It was the prescribing nurse who finally referred her. Does anyone else find this with their doctors?

Go back through your diary and make a list of when she was ill and with what, day by day, as far back as you can. List all her symptoms (that you can remember) for each day. Keep accurate records going forward from now on. Take it with you to the hospital appointment. When things are written down in black and white, they take you much more seriously.

Is your DD losing/not gaining weight? The reason I ask is that one of my DC had constant illnesses at that age and they were (along with weight loss) an early indicator that he is a coeliac.

I thibk it's probably nursery doing it and there is nothing you can do except hope it improves. It sounds miserable for her and hard for you too. I would look into a child minder they are not all bad though therr are loads round here that are the turn up at soft play and ignor the kids type too. They are awful.

Thank you SeaToSky I’ll definitely do that.

when we went to oohs doctor's I was so worried as my little boy kept catching things and he said it's normal for little ones to experience about 15 illnesses a year do that's over once a month he said if we thought it was more than that we could ask our doctor to investigate. I'm not sure how true this is but it's what he advised us

Both DD1 and DD2 used to catch every cold going round. They were constantly coughing and having temperatures. I don't think there is a way of avoiding it, they catch everything going but that's how they develop immunity.

The good news is they both grew out of it. They're now 9 and 6 and very healthy, very good at gymnastics. It's just a case of hanging in there.

I really feel for you. We have been going through what sounds exactly like the same he’ll with our DD2. Near constant illness since she hit 12 months. Also 3 days a week at nursery ( and in some months she managed to attend as few as 2 days a month). If I hadn’t been self employed, I’d be fired long ago.

It did get better.

For us the breakthrough was when she was finally diagnosed with egg allergy - the illnesses really eased off soon after we took all egg out of her diet. I am fully aware that it may have been purely coincidental. She had been picking up a procession of viral infections priori to that and also some things that were attributed to viruses but in hindsight looked very much like allergy symptoms.

But maybe it’s worth looking into? Especially if she keeps getting similar things each time? I honestly don’t know but hoping things will get better for you x

Does it could asthma cause a low immune system or constant illnesses?

This sounds like my daughter last year. The part about having a cough really stands out. In our case it turned out to be cough variant asthma.

Yes unfortunately you’ll probably have to fight a bit to get her treated. Be ready for ‘you’re such an anxious mother’ ‘it’s all in your head’ type drs. Some are good but most of time they’ll question your mental health before truly questioning if your child could have a rare immune problem or underlying cause of regular illness. Sorry to be negative -that’s just been my (extensive) experience with the nhs and sick babies.