when you make an arrangement, is it already confirmed, or do you have to confirm nearer the time too?

[AntiGrinch]

• and please say how old you are too! I think things are changing and it has something to do with mobile phones

My social life started in the days of landlines, if you were lucky, and physical addresses. I arranged to meet, and stay with, a friend in another country, 6 weeks in advance, by letter. He showed up to meet me off the coach (coach and ferry, 24 hours travelling!)

Nowadays I would have got off the coach, no one there - texted him - "oh are you still coming? You didn't say anything so I thought...."

When I make arrangement with people I either say:

Should work. I'll let you know after x (this means I am genuinely intending to make it work)

Yes, let's do that (this means it's in the diary and I will turn down other things)

What do these things mean to you?

I think it depends. If you arrange a place and a time to meet its in my diary. Depending on how far I advance the plan is made (I.e. More than 2 weeks) I would text a couple of days before to confirm but I souls assume it was still on unless I heard otherwise.

If it was a more vague 'let's do something on Saturday' I wouldn't assume it was a fixed date unless details had been confirmed nearer the time.

Nearly always confirm by msg the night before as most friends are mums who can forget in rush of life

I think it depends on who it is with and how far in advance things have been planned.

Generally I would probably do a “still ok for tomorrow?” Type message just as confirmation

I agree with you! I'm 37 but my instinct would be a plan's a plan but I've had to adjust my expectations as to many people it really isn't.

I also grew up with letters and landlines but would always check an arrangement the day before now unless it was something where I knew a table had been booked or tickets bought but if I was expecting to meet a friend for coffee I would check as stuff comes up that can't be avoided.

I think there's a difference when you're single and don't have sick children or school events that haven't been communicated

Depends on the arrangement, and I'm 50.

I'm 50.

Friends who have health / SN children I will always confirm on the actual morning as all arrangements are made with the unsaid proviso 'provide well enough / nothing crops up'.

Other friends, no need to confirm, we would let each other know if we had to cancel/alter.

My mom does this - it drives me crazy. We made a plan 2 days ago - you don’t need to call me the night before to confirm. I’ve never forgotten!

This is a particular bugbear of mine. If I make specific plans with anyone, time/date organised, no matter how far in advance I consider that a done deal unless I hear otherwise. I have a couple of friends with whom I’ll arrange a date to go out and expect that to stand however we may not decide until a few days beforehand exactly what we’re going to do. Another friend doesn’t use her diary at all and expects people to remind her. The implication that her time is more important drives me nuts! I’m mid 60s.

TeenTimesTwo I have the same thing with DS 27, I invite him to things and it's a bonus if he's well enough to attend. He actually made it to DS 6's sharing assembly recently, DS 6 was so happy, he'd been telling everyone his big brother was coming. 😊