Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Why bother with a time if you aren't going to stick to it?

26 replies

Barbaro · 13/05/2018 11:00

I tell someone multiple times yesterday by text and phone call to arrive at mine at 12. Takes them an hour to get here so should leave at 11 ish. I then get a message at 10 saying 'I've left'. WTF?! Why couldn't you just learn to read and tell time and leave at the correct bloody time?! I'm not remotely ready for the visitor now. So bloody annoyed as this isn't the first time this has happened.

Anyone else have this happen to them? They aren't doing something else on the way either, coming straight here

OP posts:

fc301 · 13/05/2018 11:20

You sound controlling.
You repeatedly TOLD them when to arrive (told not agreed). You even told them when to leave their own home! They're probably shit scared of being late!

dustarr73 · 13/05/2018 11:23

I think leaving at 10 is sensible.Allows for hold ups.

As said above they're probably terrified of being late.

kissthealderman · 13/05/2018 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stressedmumm · 13/05/2018 11:24

Totally agree with PP they probably scared of being late

fc301 · 13/05/2018 11:25

Also you're not remotely ready but you have time to post on MN...?

That1950sMum · 13/05/2018 11:26

You sound fun!

Peterrabbitscarrots · 13/05/2018 11:28

“Oh dear I won’t be home until 12, as arranged. Never mind, there’s a lovely cafe up the road where you could wait as you’ll be early.”

Or just relax and let them be early

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 13/05/2018 12:07

How is it controlling to tell a visitor what time you can see them at your own home?

Shadow666 · 13/05/2018 12:10

My ex in-laws used to do this. If they said 2pm, that meant 12:30. We always just used to be ready for them at least 2 hours early to be safe.

Not worth getting worked up over. If they are friends or family they can take you as you are surely?

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 13/05/2018 12:17

How is OP being controlling? She obviously wouldn't have continued to message with 'come at 12!' if the visitor had replied to the messages agreeing that was fine, would she?

I would allow a fifteen minute grace period for people arriving early but no more, especially if it's clear they've totally ignored your request. I'm never read before just before the visiting time as I have shit to do, cleaning, getting ready, eating etc. So if someone was planning to arrive a whole hour earlier and hadn't checked with me that that was fine, I'd have no issues replying 'oh that's a shame, I won't be in until 12 when we agreed to meet. There's a costa/Asda cafe here (insert postcode) if you want something to do while waiting. See you at 12!'

Or they'll just keep doing it.

dustarr73 · 13/05/2018 13:03

So op what time did they turn up at

blueskyinmarch · 13/05/2018 13:06

Well better that than texting at 12 to say they are leaving and arriving an hour late! Just give them a coffee, park them on the settee and finish what you need to do.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 13/05/2018 13:07

Just tell them you are out until 12?

I dont like people turning up that early either... I just dont let them in though (unless theres a real unavoidable reason why they came early)
Especially if its before noon... ive got a toddler and a newborn... when I say im not going to be ready at a certain time I really mean im not going to be ready for visitors at that time no joke!

DragonsAndCakes · 13/05/2018 13:08

I’d rather someone was an hour late than an hour early actually.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/05/2018 13:09

I'd find this pretty irritating too, tbh. I think being too early is almost worse than being equally late, unless they're prepared to pitch in with preparation for whatever!

But yes, if you've set the time for 12, then them rocking up at 11 is too early. It's ok to have a bit of a time cushion, in case there's traffic or whatever, but double the amount of time is a bit mad.

SardineReturns · 13/05/2018 13:13

I thought this was going to be about lateness!

Me and DH families are v different.

Mine are ridiculously punctual - I have turned up late for lunch a couple of times and my dad has pulled the door open and said "you're 5 mins late" where have you been? we've been waiting!" like actually quite angry.

DH family will be anything up to an hour late as just normal.

It's taken a bit of getting used to. So, DH families don't get invited for meals where timing is important e.g. roast dinners out, BBQ in.
Mine we are on time.

I also don't see the problem with OP saying to come at 12? Most people see that as an "at" time (my family) or a "from" time (DH family). No-one sees it as a "any time before" time, surely?

OP YANBU but at least they have told you and you have an hour to get ready an hour early?

I've NEVER had anyone turn up well early.

dustarr73 · 13/05/2018 13:14

We dont know the guest turned up an hour early.Just that they where leaving at 10.
The op com.es across as a bit bossy.The person was probably terrified at being late.

nokidshere · 13/05/2018 13:14

If I was travelling for an hour to be somewhere for 12 I would leave around 10/10:15 also. Because I don't like to be late and to allow for hold ups. BUT I would not turn up to someone's house before the allotted time, I would just hang about somewhere for a bit.

Hugsythespacecowboy · 13/05/2018 13:21

It annoys me if people turn up earlier than planned. Luckily if my in-laws are early they wait outside in their car until the correct time, as they know we will usually be tidying frantically lol.

Hugsythespacecowboy · 13/05/2018 13:22

I’d rather someone was an hour late than an hour early actually.

Me too! I'd probably be relieved unless I had plans

Eatalot · 13/05/2018 13:22

Place a clock on your front door. Bolt all exists. Do not open up until 12 on the dot. Serves them right for leaving earlier than an hour to make sure you wouldnt be waiting for them. Leave them in the cold.
Nothing says I like/love/respect you than making an effort to turn up with plenty of time to spare. Fuck them.

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 13/05/2018 13:27

If I was the visitor and I arrived somewhere very early I'd sit in the car and chill until the meeting time, if I didn't want to go elsewhere and kill time. It's so rude to rock up at a time you've not been invited for.

I actually think it shows a lot of disrespect, Eat. Not love or respect at all.

Original poster

Barbaro · 13/05/2018 15:04

How am I controlling? They were the ones that kept asking when to turn up, so I told them when suited me. Then they didn't listen. Yes so controlling..

Glad some people agree with me at least. What if I had been out and couldn't manage to get back? Meh doesn't matter now, its done, I needed a vent to let it out that it annoyed me. Done that and fine again.

OP posts:

FloppyRagdoll · 13/05/2018 16:17

A mate called on Friday evening, asking if he could come by on Saturday about 10:30. I've been unwell, as he knew; and normally I'd suggest meeting in a cafe but our town is really busy on a Saturday. I was still wiped out from my lurgy so calculated a long rest and setting the alarm for 8:00 should give me time to deal with the worst of the chaos. Saturday morning, mate phones me at 8:30 saying he hadn't slept well and could he come over early? He was having breakfast about half an hour away.

We chatted on the phone for a bit, my doing a little desultory tidying with one hand. Then mate says, 'Could you open the door? I'm outside.' Turned out he'd been chatting to me while driving...

Original poster

Barbaro · 13/05/2018 16:53

Damn floppy that's the last thing you want when ill. What is with people and rudeness?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2