AINU to ask what’s more important - grades or personality?

[JustDanceAddict]

As I have a DD who’s about to embark on gcses this has got me thinking. We are told that kids need to get top grades etc to do well, but then you get the entrepreneurs who have a gcse in woodwork and who’ve made millions and it’s often those people who do better in life - the cheeky ones who can sell coals to Newcastle etc. DD is def not one of those - she’s a quiet individual who is a bit socially awkward by her own admission and my observation. I’ve also got a friend who’s mega clever and has a million qualifications but she’s continually stressed and has food issues etc. Please tell me if you’re a brainy, quiet type and have done well in life so far and if you’re happy!!

Well I do think that some people, those with very likeable personalities and a lot of social intelligence, can do well without great exam results.

A friend of mine is a good example...at school he was in the special classes for a lot of lessons. He wasn't stupid....far from it...he just took longer to read and write than the rest of us and by high school, he was behind.

He was a great singer though and terribly charming....he went on to drama school and now stars in West End productions.

he's very talented of course but no more than others....he is however VERY charming and likeable.

I think that gets people far in life.

I have a DD like yours by the way. :) She's enormously popular and charming but not academic so far...she IS clever and very articulate though and I think of my West End Star friend if I'm tempted to worry.

But those 'cheeky' ones aren't doing well in business because of personality, they're doing it because they're skilled in business.

I'm clever (PhD) and done well in life and am either very quiet or very loud (I'm bi-polar).

It's important to know who to be nice to, I think. Having had a privileged education (and then worked in independent schools) I think that confidence is important for success in many fields. Being able to have the right conversation with the right person and believing in your abilities goes a long way.

Really though, it depends on the field. Quiet and socially awkward can mean success in one area and dismal failure in another. She sounds like she'd be poor in sales, for example.

Success in life comes down to education, mindset, personality and luck.

Thanks! Ajas - my DD is the quiet clever one although she’s great once you get to know her. A lot of her peers like her but they tend to be the more studious ones!! She’s not part of the in crowd at all.
Margin - yeah she’d be rubbish in sales. She hates talking to strangers. I’d be terrible too but I am more extrovert so force my shy self to speak to people I need to. I hate job interviews and public speaking though. She def will take herself in the direction that suits her I’m sure, but I hope she can cope with interviews and suchlike.

You need a particular skills set to be an entrepreneur and most people haven't got it and will never be able to acquire it.

So for those not destined to work for themselves, the old-but-true rule is: grades get you to the interview, personality wins the interview. Without decent grades and the right qualifications nowadays most CVs land in the bin.

I was relatively quiet at school. Very shy as a younger child. I was in top sets for everything and did well at school. From about 18-22 or 23 I grew into myself an awful lot. I've done well for myself and am happy. My life isn't what everyone at my age would want (I'm 26, married, like weekends at home and can happily spend time by myself or just with DH, but equally I do go for dinner with friends and meet up with them in London for days out etc). At work I am doing well, I did a top graduate scheme (probably helped with the personal growth!) and am getting really good feedback and enjoying what I am doing.

Personally, I do think it's more about the individual. No one cares about GCSEs when you've got a degree. When you've got some work experience, no one cares about your degree etc, not really. You might need them to get through a gateway application wise but that's it for most of us. On paper I've done really well, and I'd say what's gotten me here is emotional intelligence, not academic, although that made the path easier. I know a lot of people who were exceptionally smart but have not done very well because they don't come across well. It's OK when you know someone is actually really good, but employers don't know that when it's their first impression and a bit of a ropey one.

As an example, I didn't go to uni open days because I was too shy and worried about it. I did drop out of uni three months in and then go to a local one from home so that was definitely a learning curve, having to be on my knees to get back up again etc. And my Mum was there but she didn't take control, I decided what I was doing when and she was there for me to use as a sounding board. Last autumn I even applied for a job I didn't think I'd get just for some interview practice (and I got the job!). I never would have expected to grow into myself like I have. Have you considered some mentoring for your daughter?

OP I have two DDs and my elder is the quiet clever one whilst the younger, the more gregarious one.

Though I'd NEVER label them like that in their hearing....as who knows what may develop?

My older DD has become more outgoing in high school though...a big change really.

I was a shy quiet teenager who struggled with making friends and insecurity until I was round 16 or so. I was however very clever and threw myself into the world of books reading and learning in order to hide from dealing with day to day life. I was academically bright and did well...when I bothered to apply myself. I have never been part of the "in" group...and tbh have never really wanted to be! I like to spend time with the people I click with rather then look for popularity and aclaim.

I'm now 30, have a successful job where I talk to people all day ever day and enjoy it....because its in an area I enjoy. I'll never make milions but I enjoy my work and what I do. I also have no desire or interest in making massive amounts of cash. I always joke the things that made me happy at 10 still make me happy now lol! I also moved to the far side of the world on my own for work and have made a new set of friends here as well as a strong group of solid friends in my home country. I'm introverted rather then extroverted... but it has never held me back! The person you are at 15 is not the same as the adult you will become....and we do continually grow and change as we age and have more and more experiences.

I'd encourage confidence building things that your daughter is interested in...in whatever fields or hobbies that may be...but I wouldn't worry to much about grades and academics. Shes 15/16 she has her whole life ahead of her. School isn't everything.